Why do many women go for cheating men?

Frankly, I don’t understand women who remain with cheating partners. I have a few female friends who remain in relationships with known palikeros (philanderers). They are quick to get their claws out at women who stray too close to their precious hubbies or boyfriends, or hang on more tightly to them when someone perceived to be “competition” walks into the room. What is the missing component here? So obvious. These ladies, while quick to throw hissies at perceived hussies seem to consistently fail to hold their hubbies or boyfriends accountable.

I don’t get it. If your man is the sort of guy you have to put in a cage to keep him faithful, why bother? Set him free and let him sow his oats.

I read an article in Yahoo! News that revealed that women do really tend to be more forgiving of erring men than men of erring women…

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Today a report claimed that more than 6 in 10 women would happily forgive their partner for up to three “relationship errors”, but a massive 9 out of 10 men would dump their partner if they strayed just once.

So women will allow their man three strikes before he’s out while for guys it’s sudden death at the first offense. What’s up with that? Why the double standard? Is it because men are significantly more offended by a cheating partner than women are?

Consider though that it seems Filipino men tend to enjoy the winning end of this double-standard. I have married male friends who openly discuss the flings and affairs they routinely have on the side. There is no shame. It seems to me that the stigma attached to cheating on your partner has long ago been lifted for men. But of course it takes two to tango. Apparently there is a supply of willing women to meet the demand for such affairs coming from these married men.

I’ve been often told that men are really very simple. Men, I am told, are highly-unlikely to decline sexual opportunities that present themselves under the majority of circumstances. Perhaps that is the rationale behind the claws-out instinct of the women I described earlier. So at the risk of being an apologist for the male of the species, let us for arguments’ sake take the popular position of resignation — that men will be men. On that, I jump off and ask the ladies: So why succumb to the charms of the obviously-married or evidently-taken guy?

Presumably women, in contrast with their more indiscriminate opposite gender, are more inclined to think things through — at least from an emotional angle — before jumping in bed with someone. What then is the nature of that point that tips a woman over to a pursuit that goes against her better judgment?

I don’t presume to judge. After all, that hypothetical question of what one would do given the chance to roll in the hay with the very married Chris Hemsworth almost always induces long pause for thought in many a red-blooded female — very long pause. But that high bar simply highlights the really baffling incidence of very average — and very less-than-average-looking — guys out there who are somehow so successful in the game of female conquest. What is their secret? More imporantly, what are the secret buttons that turn otherwise sensible women into willing prey?

27 Replies to “Why do many women go for cheating men?”

  1. What’s their secret? They present challenge to these women, unlike those single chaps out there who tend to fail in their pursuit of women due to their tendency to act desperate. Furthermore, humor helps a lot. That’s how otherwise sensible women turn their selves into willing prey…

  2. Women, based on history, are what we call the also rans. She’s in the race but not expected to win. She’s in the cast but not in the starring role. She’s there but not in charge. She’s the silent partner in a partnership. The weak with the strong. She’s the cause but not the reason. She’s around but not the center. Women follow, men rule. Sad but true. That could be the reason why women act the way they do.

    Aside from those mentioned, women go for cheaters because of personal and economic reasons. The need to be loved and to loved drives women to engaged in an affair with a cheater. Due to financial consideration, women tend to ignore the cheating part in a relationship just to not disturb the peace.

    Men cheat and not feel any shame about it. Often it’s even a source of pride. For them, it’s proof of real manhood. Women do that and they disgrace the whole family. It’s proof of their weakness. Women do that and they die.

    There is really no equity between the sexes.

    1. Hi Jona-s,

      I fully agree with you and want to add that women are more emotional dependent on men than men are on/to women. Plus women, were for a long time not sexually liberated and free. Its their mind-set. “We, women, dont do such things”, while the entire world (males) do as they please. Women have to start to fight for their personal, individual freedom and liberty. It already started here in Europe since the 1960s with the invention of the contraceptive pill. That made women boss (in charge) over their own womb. They could and can have sex without getting pregnant. They can decide with whom to have sex with, when and how. That made all relationships more casual and they could and can choose in a more picky way. The survival of the fittest, so to speak. And when girls and women also started to enter university they also could enroll in higher jobs and not become boring house wives. Thats what we call evolving, progress, improvement, equality and quality.

      1. i don’t quite agree, mr haighton, that women have evolved, progressed, improved, become equal, and have more quality when they can have casual relationships. on the contrary, they are at the losing end, and, as usual, males have the best of it–a relation without the responsibility (assuming of course that that is what males want). i became a ‘boring’ housewife, married, had kids–and now, grandkids–and i can tell you that i find my choice more fulfilling than if i had several bfs and find myself in my 30s, still single and with no hope for a more permanent relationship. i truly commiserate with these women, who chose this lifestyle in the belief that they were ‘free’, only to find that they have, actually, doomed themselves to a lifetime of misery.

    2. Could be also it is because it is the women who are more likely to be left with the task of caring for the kids when relationships end.

      1. Kate,

        No (dutch, european and probably other western) guy will allow the sole custody of the kids to the wife/mother. Why? Because the kids are genetically 50% his and he loves his kids as much as mom do. And no judge (in case of legal divorce*) will allow that (sole custody of one party, 24/7) as well. Plus since a few years, also kids have their say in front of the judge who they want to stay with. And most likely those kids will choose for the best party. Financially that is most often the guys/dads. And nowadays judges are sensitive to the preferences of the kids bec its about their wellfare and well being as well.

        So again, the Pinay will have a strike out here as well (again).

        * legal divorce or seperation or annullment or whatever.

    3. I once had a married woman friend who confessed to me that she finds sexual pleasure in her philandering husband. She said that just thinking of her husband having sex with other women turned her on.

  3. Correct me if I am wrong but it does kind of play into the theme of the post that men are incorrigible . Woman makes agaw a guy from another woman and that is what she ultimately wants. She thinks it stops there but then the cycle repeats itself . The man eventually becomes vulnerable to a “corporate takeover”and the woman who did the agaw in the first place goes from hunter to hunted.

  4. This is why when my female friends lament the fact that their husbands/boyfriends/significant others stray a lot, my response to them is always the standard: ‘he keeps doing it because YOU allow him to. If he really WAS your man, Angel Locsin covered in chocolate with 1000 php notes stuck all over her couldnt take him away from you. Guys respect a woman who has standards. If you get some and let him know, he’ll either respect that and rise to that level, or he just WONT ASSOCIATE WITH YOU AT ALL.
    For some reason, my female friends dont like it when I lay it out like that for them.

    1. True. If only more women can define themselves on their own terms, and not always in relation to a man or the world their man surrounded them with, maybe there will be less of these needy types..

  5. Oh yes. And another thing, men tend to cheat more IMO because of what was said. Women are choosy when it comes to guys theyre going to fool with (gotta look like Chris Hemsworth right?) but men? We are NOT that picky. We’ll do pretty much anybody (even though we’ll deny the heck out of it)

  6. Guys’ intolerance to their partners’ infidelity stems from an evolutionarily-ingrained fear of unwittingly investing their energies taking care of offspring of their mate that aren’t genetically-related to them (i.e., not their biological children).

    If males aren’t jealously protective of the sexual fidelity of their female mates, they run that risk. As such, even the slightest suspicion that their mate has been sexually unfaithful is more likely to throw them into a rage or results in their immediately terminating the relationship.

    1. Didn’t really happen to me… but then again, I was born out of wedlock three and a half years before my mom married a guy other than my biological dad. And that was late ’91!

  7. There are males who are “less than average looking” but have good looking partners. It is really telling the female specie what you really want and not worry about being rejected. If it fails then find another one. “Pakapalan lang ng mukha” actually.

  8. I am not sure to whom Kate is refering to in her article. Women in general, Philippine women or women globally, world wide, universally?

    I would like to suggest everybody here to take a look at the dating website http://www.tagged.com (no fee, no charge to create your own profile and have full access) and read the profiles of Philippine women, especially their “tagline”. After reading most Pinay profiles at that website, I am not surprised any man would cheat with such taglines and attitudes of Philipine women. There is no challenge, no inspiration with those women to stay truthful and honest to those women. They even “beg” (just not literally just yet) to be/get cheated. If only women would show some “girl power” (in their profiles) they would make themselves much more “attractive” (at least mentally).

    1. Seems like the approach of raising women is focused more on fixating them on a specific and traditional goal rather than focused on making them aware of their options.

      I speak more for Filipinos of course but that’s not to say this is not true for other cultures. I read somewhere that in Japan, wives are known to pack condoms in their husbands’ suitcases whenever they travel for business.

      1. I do agree with you Kate. So maybe we can blame the girl´s parents who raised her that way. On the other hand, the girl can speak up and tell her parents, she wants to be motivated / encouraged / inspired for her “other” better qualities she has, namely maybe her enterprenurial qualities, business touch and other non-traditional aspects/goals/objectives.

        Anyway, what I see at that website, there is no difference between Filipina generations. Whether they are early 20s, mid-30s, or mid-40s, they all state the same. It is really scary to see no differences among even 1 or 2 Pinay generations.

        And it will be hard to accept and believe all those women come from the same social class/group; the poorest of the poor and that no one belong to the middle class or higher. I wont buy that. Or is there no difference between any social class in the Philippines? Like it seems that there is no difference between one or two or three Pinay generations?!

  9. As long as women/girls will still be raised and brought up today in a very conservative and old-fashioned way, thinking that men still need to be looked after and to cook for them, then they (the care takers/guardians/parents of those girls and the daughters of today) are are not living in today’s world. Modern men can look after themselves; they can cook, they can clean. Today’s men are more looking for companionship with quality, having GMTA (great minds think alike) attitude, (mental) independency, thinking independently, career-focused. Today’s world is evolving (moving on, progressing), something I dont see in Philippine women today. They are stuck in old-fashioned mind-sets.

  10. Because Kate is not clear about what specific kind of relationship she is talking about, I take it Kate means that it happens during all possible relationships. So during dating, courting, boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged and finally also during marriage.

    I will be soft on the girl if it happens during all stages prior to engagementa and prior to marriage. If it still happens during engagement and during marriage then there is really something wrong with her senses.

    I as man would only cheat if my partner is not the perfect ideal partner. But in that case, I would have ended the relationship first. There is no need to cheat if my partner and I have the best perfect relationship and the best passionate sex possible. So women who have partners that cheat, should think again (about their own part and own contribution) and those guys should have left their partners long time ago.

    1. that is what i believe is happening to our incorruptible president, he always get cheated by his partners thats why he cant find the right woman 🙁

      1. Like your idol Fishball the blame is always out there. Never within. You and your idol should look in the mirror. Some points to consider :

        1) Ever occur to you that President is no naive that he can’t evaluate character?

        2) Your president all his life was coddled by women in his family that he has no idea how to be a man with cojones?

        3) Your president is socially inept.

        4) Your president is pitching for a “different team”.

  11. Why do many women go for cheating men?

    I have a philanderous friend before. Really out on getting a girl he wants though he’s tied to someone. You know what? girls fall for the guy because he’s good at PRETENDING. Pretending that he’s a decent guy and available. Every woman he targets fall for that trick and his friends (including me) can’t believe how naive these ladies are.

    See, that’s the problem. Society cultured women to be easy-to-get, and men, to prefer women who are like that.

    That’s why if my baby comes out a girl, I’ll teach her to act like a bank. Do some credit investigation, background checks, whatever without being detected by the guy.

    Why not raise our children like that? Hmm..

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