Wanted: Super-Janitor for President

philippines_president

After that barrage of “Duterte” articles posted by my fellow contributors, I guess it’s time for a “commercial break.” Comelec, the biggest Job Search service in town, wishes to inform the public that they are looking for a promising applicant to take on a very critical role as President of the Republic of the Philippines.

There is only ONE SKILL needed for the job of the highest post of the land:

Able to read and write!

And do you know why it’s that simple? Yes, because all we really need at the top office in this third-world medieval shithole called the Philippines is a janitor – a Super-Janitor. We need someone to clean up this freakin mess of a chaotic country created by 400 years of dumbed-down swarming zombies (and maybe, just maybe I can invite some friends from overseas to come visit our little “should-have-been” paradise on earth).

Super-Janitor Job Functions:

  1. Clean up the streets – criminals, addicts, litter, eyesores, squatters, jaywalkers, roaming street children, peddlers, sidewalk vendors, obstructing signboards, reckless smoke-belching “coffin-on-wheels”, walls turned into public dumps/toilets
  2. Clean up the bureaucracy – red tape, inefficient procedures, running to multiple offices for multiple requirements, tons of signatures (each with lagay), long arduous queue lines, weeks of waiting for approval (and I really hate writing in the “birth date” field of the same damn old form I already filled up last time – why do you need it again?!?! You think it’s changed since??? Grrrr!!!)
  3. Clean up the political landscape – oppressive apathetic kleptomaniacs/crooks and scammers (spewing out false motherhood statements) in the guise of decent public servants, incompetent puro dakdak seat-warmers wasting taxpayers money on phoney projects
  4. Clean up media – stupid brain-cell- and time-killing shows filled with pathetically T.H. below-the-belt offensive bozos that bring no added value to the intellectual growth of the youth
  5. Clean up the dysfunctional Pinoy mindset – so much has been said on this (just stay tuned here at GRP)

At your full disposal will be the entire national police and military organizations to empower you in executing extensive mopping up operations; you are expected to deliver positive results within the first 6 months, and if our long-time perpetually venting pissed-off customers are satisfied – you will be regularized to serve the full 6-year term (with a possible extension IF you can clean up the 60/40 oligarchy-favoring constitution). Otherwise, you will be the recipient of the thundering firepower of precision-guided munition (proudly made with classified GRP IP/technology).

Now what we need is a person with proven hands-on EXPERIENCE – as in verifiable output. Don’t worry. We can give a waiver in case you happen to have become “deranged” or “gutter-mouthed” after working long hours to beef up your experience profile under dehumanizing conditions – dredging clogged canals and sewers, breathing in the toxic stench of decaying manure and rotting rat cadavers, and enduring the sight of excrement, pus and blood day-in/day-out. WE DON’T CARE even if you’ve morphed into a sewer rodent yourself! (hmm…where’s that echoing virtual laugh coming from?) – as long as you have PROOF that you can get the job done.

Send in your resume please. Don’t forget to attach sample pictures of the town or city that YOU have turned into a C.O.D. Singapore-class state. Again “able to read and write” is the sole skill requirement. And it doesn’t even specify which language. If you can read microprocessor assembly-language code in binary format like “0100110101101100” to mean whatever you think it is (mov ah, 40h?) – come on down.

Benefits

The compensation package is a hopefully attractive P120,000 a month (Grade 33 – highest salary in our plantilla). Not enough? Well, don’t let that turn you off. Wait till you hear the perks…

We will ensure top-class accommodations in your very own tax-payer-funded island palace at the heart of the Metro’s Pasig River (Note: it will be your job to make the waters turn crystal clear with your Midas powers). A lot of out-of-town travel is expected to our many exotic islands, but you will be going around first-class on your officially designated military-grade high-performance helicopter (emergency parachutes included; so your clueless wife need not entertain the thought of getting coerced into the necropolitical circus). By descending like a superhero from the sky, YOU as our valued Super-Janitor can take pride in your glorious job – guaranteed “arriving never looked so good!”

Once you’ve proved your mettle, you will have the honor of becoming a bonafide lifetime member of the elite Ebak Liquidating Intergalactic Squad (ELIS), all rights and privileges included till the day you are laid to rest at Libingan ng mga Bayani.

So is anyone up for the challenge in heeding this once-in-a-lifetime filthy (DO-DIRTY) but fulfilling call of duty? MARaming salamat POE sa inyong attention sa pagbasa ng Job Ad na ito – Sponsored by the ever-loyal BINAYaran, overpriced-cake-bribed citizens of Makati.

Footnote: please, someone – pansinin niyo naman si MDS (1% in the latest survey can lead to depression or some psychosomatic disorder!)

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Post Author: zaxx

Zealous revolutionary advocate of bringing back common sense for the common good in a land of dysfunctional and delusional zombies.

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57 Comments on "Wanted: Super-Janitor for President"

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Grimwald
Member

Thanks Zaxx.

About damn time for a “breather article”, I’ll say!

Robert Haighton
Member

PHP 120,000 = approx. EUR€ 2,650
PHP 120,000 = approx. USD$ 2,788

For Dutch people that is a middle class income. If the amount is before income tax, its even worse. Is it okay, that I reject the offer.

BENIGNO IS A FRAUD
Guest
The GRP writers and web-master have all given Boing-Boing Marcos a free pass in not having to explain where the USD $ Billions he is going to inherit from his thieving Momma-san once she departs her life.WHY IS THAT? Not a single syllable of what is going to become of the stolen from the Filipino nation wealth that Boing-Boing is going to inherit from his Momma-san very soon, not one syllable. WHY IS THAT? EXACTLY? The simple fact is that Benigno is hardly the Man-of-the-people, beg to differ crusader he purports himself to be,NO. Benigno is a FRAUD, a paid… Read more »
Yoshikage Kira
Guest

Honestly, son, due to your pointless posts here, you’re more of a bigger paid hack and a BIGGER FRAUD since you’re always EMO over Marcos and other emo-inducing nonsense

Set your priorities for once and take your faggotry to somewhere else, faggot. 🙂

BENIGNO IS A FRAUD
Guest

HONESTLY? LOL, you would not know an honest Man if you tripped over one.

The point is what is stated in the comment, and you are too stupid to comprehend it. That is all there is to it.

How about a refute of the point being made? OH ,you can’t refute it,can yu? Because its true, and you are just a boot licking A$$$-WIPE that sticks up for ypur wonder-boy BENIGNO, even if he is now reduced himself to a paid hack of the Marcos family.

Yoshikage Kira
Guest

Unfortunately, you’re missing the point because you’re more of an actual ASS-WIFE due to your red herring and ad-hominem attacks.

Does THAT make sense? In fact, you’re very dishonest.

BENIGNO IS A FRAUD
Guest

Dream on tampon, my point is this:the truth is the facts that GRP backs a candidate that has paid them to not only back him but to remain silent about the BILLIONS of USD$$$ his Momma is going to leave for him.
FACTS!!! Sonny,FACTS !!! not a syllable here at the ‘Beg to differ’ BS site that sits and watches Boing-Boing BS his way into higher office…with the Filipino people’s stolen money…..what is not accurate about that?

YOU GOT NOTHING SONNY,NOTHING…including your NO FURURE. BET ON IT ! Loser.

D4C
Guest

@BENIGNO IS A FRAUD:

Again, all crap and no substance. The fact is that TROLLS are LOSERS.

You’re doing this for attention whoring. Or you’re an actual WHORE yourself.

D4C
Guest

Son, please change your name to “I AM A FRAUD LOL” because everything you’ve posted is just ridiculous. 🙂

BENIGNO IS A FRAUD
Guest

REALLY? Show everyone here where the posts about BOING-BOING’s soon to be inhrerited wealth is,COME ON NOW,SHOW US !!!

OH, YOU CANT ,CAN YOU? No you cant because it has not been touched upon.

Face it,your idol is a fraud.

Yoshikage Kira
Guest

Face it, son. You’re more of an actual FRAUD because you’re focused too much on trivial stuff. And that is what I call idiotic.

Confirmed for TROLL.

D4C
Guest

Like the other guy said, you’re an actual TROLL.

Face it, people who have mental issues and psychopaths are the actual frauds here. Go figure.

BENIGNO IS A FRAUD
Guest

TRIVIAL ? BILLIONS OF USD$$$ STOLEN from yur Grandparnets and the rest of the Filipino nation, and you call it trivial?
Your blind Sonny and a Moron to boot.

D4C
Guest
TRIVIAL ? BILLIONS OF USD$$$ STOLEN from yur Grandparnets and the rest of the Filipino nation, and you call it trivial? Your blind Sonny and a Moron to boot. Aw, says the actual blind emo moron who has mental problems. In case you don’t notice, as stated by Add smuggling alone in the last 5 years is in the trillions. That is totally controlled by one KKK sitting in the Palace. Just a conservative ad valorem of 10%, that is already 100 billion of taxes gone. I am talking very conservatively. Actually, there are already estimates that show corruption in… Read more »
Red
Guest

Criticisms towards BBM and the Marcos family are already all over mainstream media. What’s the point of repeating those same criticisms here? If you want a site littered with anti-Marcos propaganda, go to Rappler 🙂

This site provides another perspective from what the mainstream media has been feeding us. Benigno would just be wasting my time if he merely repeats those same Marcos citicisms that were already shoved down our throats for the past 30 years.

BENIGNO IS A FRAUD
Guest

NO, NO ,NO….no one is talking about Boing-Boings inheritance, no one, nowhere! and why is that? Becasue they are paid not too,get your head out of your ass. The Aquino’s Marcos’s ,Estrada’s,Binay’s are all the same, and they are laughing at the Filipino ‘massa’. and the one we’ Beg to differ’ wensite that is the so-called voice of the skeptics is just like the MSM, they are paid not to discuss BOING-BOINGS inheritance…PERIOD….your boy BENIGNO IS A FRAUD.

ScaryMonsters
Guest

In case you don’t notice, people with angry mob mindset are much focused on trivial stuff. You’re saying all the Aquinos, Estradas, Binays are all the same but you’re a bumbling idiot who is too much EMO over Marcos.

Oh yeah, you can go to ABS-CBN or Rappler for that. Face it, the biggest frauds are TROLLS. And I’m sorry, you’re now being one.

#HypocrisyExposed

AntiEMO
Guest

The Aquino’s Marcos’s ,Estrada’s,Binay’s are all the same, and they are laughing at the Filipino ‘massa’.

E bakit palaging nakalagay sa papel mo ay si Marcos? Gago.

Red
Guest
NO, NO ,NO….no one is talking about Boing-Boings inheritance, no one, nowhere! Okay, yea. This guy really IS a troll alright. Interestingly enough, I was just reading a piece about internet trolls the other day. Apparently trolling behavior are caused by sadism, anti-social behavior, immense insecurity, and psychotic tendencies. Yikes! Sweetie, I think you should worry more about your mental health for now and leave BBM’s inheritance to the court. We ALREADY KNOW about the Marcos cases, so there’s no need for anyone else to repeat it for us. Your mental health is more important, dear. Have a check up… Read more »
USA RAY
Guest

@ RED, you are perfectly named ,your last name must be ‘HERRING’, no doubt.

DIO
Guest

@USA RAY:

Oh, great. Another troll is on the loose. I’m referring to you BTW.

Henry
Guest

Marcos Family is the biggest FRAUD and the largest Networking business in the Philippines. I pity you Philippines for bringing back the Marcoses in power.

Yoshikage Kira
Guest

Wrong, son. People like are the actual BIGGEST FRAUDS since what you are posting is utter nonsense and ridiculous claims. I pity people like you for killing the Failippines again for your sheer ignorance and blatant idiocy.

MashinChaser
Guest
Son, you’re totally clueless, Smuggling alone in the last 5 years is in the trillions. That is totally controlled by one KKK sitting in the Palace. Just a conservative ad valorem of 10%, that is already 100 billion of taxes gone. I am talking very conservatively. Actually, there are already estimates that show corruption in the 30 years after 1986 is five times the 20 years prior to 1986. Also estimates that PNoy’s KKK more corrupt than GMA. So Teddy Locsin, Jr. is right about the fact that post-EDSA presidents made Marcos more of an amateur. My advice: to save… Read more »
BENIGNO IS A FRAUD
Guest

@ RED, LOL, Neither a SADIST,not anti-social (not a criminal,nope) and sure, I can be PSYCHOTIC just like anyone else can be when outraged to the extreme….but your point is moronic.

Defending your idol is something you can not do because what I have stated is TRUE !

so along with no counter-argument, you have no brains either and focus on me rather than a rebuttal of the fact that the people who run the country are criminals.Especially the people you noticed I mentioned.

BENIGNO IS A FRAUD
Guest

and your idol BENIGNO IS A FRAUD, paid to keep silent on the issue of Boing-Boings inheritance of a STOLEN FORTUNE, stolen fro your families previous generations.You should be mad as hell, but your an idiot that can only think that voting for a thief will someheow do the country some good,despite massive evidence to the contrary…..WOW, your fuckin dense as a brick shitter.

D4C
Guest

Unfortunately, FAGGOT, every you’ve said is contradictory. Yours is more like an OPINION and bumbling nonsense and the “facts” that you state came from questionable or anonymous sources.

So yeah, due to the nature of your posts, you’re indeed a SADIST, ANTI-SOCIAL and PSYCHOPATHIC. And what I have stated is TRUE because there is no need for EMOTIONS to put that up.

Anon
Guest
and your idol BENIGNO IS A FRAUD, paid to keep silent on the issue of Boing-Boings inheritance of a STOLEN FORTUNE, stolen fro your families previous generations.You should be mad as hell, but your an idiot that can only think that voting for a thief will someheow do the country some good,despite massive evidence to the contrary…..WOW, your fuckin dense as a brick shitter. Hate to break to you, but everything you’ve said is a contradiction. And of course, everything I’ve said is TRUE because only losers do ad hominem attacks. BTW, you’re always pointing on the Marcos yet always… Read more »
Red
Guest
Guess I have to add bad reading comprehension to the list of your potential problems. I never said Benigno was my idol. Nor did I defend him, I only said that this site provides another perspective and that repeating the mainstream media’s point of view would be a complete waste of my time. Which is a fact by the way. What’s the point of feeding your brain with the same thing over and over again? I also don’t remember saying that the people who run this country are not criminals. In fact, I do agree that our leaders, for the… Read more »
Add
Guest
You are seeing your rant published here, aren’t you? I can assure you benign0’s keyboard is a good one and could easily delete all your rant. Try whining in other sites, and even in the comboxes of the MSM, and I can assure you they would be deleted in a fraction of a second. Yet, there is your rant screaming in this very site. WHY IS THAT??? “…he is going to inherit”?? There are GLOBAL FREEZE orders on all assets of the Marcoses acquired prior to 1986 not only coming from the PHL and that international Anti-Money Laundering body based… Read more »
BENIGNO IS A FRAUD
Guest

LOL, do you think anyone read what you just wasted 5 hours writing,LOL, I surely did not, and BENIGNO IS STILL A FRAUD !!!!

Okuyasu Nijima
Guest

Says the actual FRAUD who didn’t even bother reading ADD’s post and just satiate on his insecurities and psychopathic tendencies.

Unfortunately, this shows how small-minded you are. In reality, you’re butthurt since you are choking on your own tears. Go figure.

Anon
Guest

Due to your nature of your posts, seems that your narrow-mindedness is showing.

Congratulations, you just went FULL RETARD with what you wrote.

Add
Guest
Thank you anyway for providing me a topic to write about. Here, we just enjoy writing whether we are read or not — honest. I think somebody with a puerile mind will never understand this. I can see now why benignO don’t erase your comments. The more you attack, the more you are paying him a compliment, a paean — a kudos to all the writers here. Learn to be honest with yourself so you will see what I mean. Please continue attacking and improve on it. I am hoping you could provide another topic, or topics, we could write… Read more »
T
Guest

i read it all, and i conclude that my time was not wasted.

Dick S. O'Rosary
Guest

No one read what you spent 5 hours ranting

Imelda
Guest

No to BongBong! Yuck! #CayetanoForVP

Yoshikage Kira
Guest

No to prostitutes! Yuck! #KantoGirlForProSlut

Anon
Guest

It’s really funny that you want Alan Peter Cayetano who is the opposite of his father, who is actually a gentleman, to be VP?

Kaya pala e, pareho pala kayong UTAK KANTO.

BENIGNO IS A FRAUD
Guest

they are all THIEVES, lying scumbag thieves.they deserve the noose !

Anon
Guest

E bakit palaging nakalagay sa papel mo ay si Marcos? GAGO. -_-

Dick S. O'Rosary
Guest

“Paid political hack.” lol

874Hyden007Toro9876.99
Guest
874Hyden007Toro9876.99
U.S. $3,000 a month is the common wage of a automobile assembly worker in Detroit, Michigan, U.S.A. I would rather be an automobile assembly worker, than take that Super Janitor Job in the Philippines. You have to deal with various insurgent groups: from MILF/ISIS to NPA to “tulisans”. There are people who are scammers, like the “Laglag/Tanim Bala” groups of Abaya. There are Hacienda Luisita Swines, who feast on Pork Barrels. There are political opportunists, who will change loyalties, at the drop of a hat. We need a Superman to do the job. The pay is not worth the job.… Read more »
William E Jackson
Guest
How much money is $3000 a month in most places in the USA? It is below the poverty line of Detroit. Every president in the USA takes looses money to become president. They do it because they believe in something. You will move to the USA to be poor. This is one of the reason that there is backlash against most immigrants thet come to America take a job that does not allow them to live a normal life in America , because they do not understand how expensive America. It is actually better to try and make changes in… Read more »
USA RAY
Guest
@ WILLIAM JACKSON, the people running for USA President do not do it because they believe in anything but furthering their careers after leaving office. What they do is they enact favorable legislation to corporations and when their term in office is over, they go work for those corporations and earn 100X’s what they made while in office.Your comment is valid except for this one salient point.The Clintons and Tony Blair started the new breed of Presidents, the ones that do not retire but go on the $500,000 per lecture circuit/corporate board of directors to earn mega money for their… Read more »
Nicolas
Guest

Nice article. We need to use our minds in choosing the right person to seat especially the first two highest positions. Still undecided for the top post but now decided for the VP post. Leni Is My VP!

d_forsaken
Guest

There was a time above … a time before … there were perfect things … diamond absolutes. But things fall … things on Earth. And what falls … is fallen. … In the dream, they took me to the light. A beautiful lie.

Gagong Lipunan
Guest

I feel too bad for you, Zaxx. Your idol is destroying himself.

DIO
Guest

Either you are missing the point or you’re just trolling. I think it’s the latter.

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