A recent article I saw on my feed was how parents were pushing for rewarding children who just participated and never had any worthwhile achievements. The derogatory symbol for it is the participation trophy. It’s another extreme of the false positivism and self-esteem movement. Some believe that any sort of criticism, such as pointing out what someone is doing wrong, is an attack on the person and causes depression. Instead, shower them with praises to make them feel good. The problem is, it will do more harm than good.
Participation trophies are actually more a new iteration of an old folly. As the Mens Journal article I linked to says, parents are also to blame. Some parents want children to be instruments of their own vainglory. But because their children are not achievers, they instead “fix” the game in a way, by insisting on trophies just for participation. And they do it for themselves, not for their children. Instead of teaching children to work for what they want, they instead rub off that it’s all right to get something for nothing. It teaches mendicancy and spoiling.
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I wrote that celebration of people is overrated because it doesn’t perpetuate positivity, but instead bloats one’s ego at the expense of other people. People want to be “loved,” and they believe being celebrated is and being loved. But it isn’t. It is actually narcissism. It only makes assholes out of people and gives them a false sense of security. Break that illusion, and the person could slip into depression. Thus, the participation trophy/profuse praise movement makes people more prone to depression and mental illness. Even the body-positive movement is encouraging false praise, though I’ll get more into that in a future article.
Today’s world has commercialized that kind of egoism. Beauty products, “reality” TV competitions, and selfie culture have fooled people into desiring narcissism. It’s also part of the rat race culture, because the more praises you have, the more you feel like you’re ahead of the other, on top. It makes you believe in The Secret baloney and believe you’ll be rich just by wishing it. And while rich, people dream of making other people their slaves and treat other people like crap. It sends dopamine to the brain. But it’s a high that could come crashing down anytime – and deserves to – when reality lays down the hurt against your desire.
It does seem pretty hard to refuse to idolize and praise, and to even tell them the truth. Some people may even hit you because you are silent and they see it as refusal to acknowledge their “beauty.” You shouldn’t let them do that. Tell them that their beauty isn’t your beauty, and you’re not obliged to heap praises onto anyone.
I do understand why the participation trophy culture started though. It’s intended to counter the effects of other people talking down on and bullying them. However, they should realize that the participation trophy culture actually increases instead of diminishes it. It can attract even more bullying. Your seeking praises actually puts a target sight on you. Perhaps there’s a reason why that saying attributed to Chinese or Asian parenting is getting popular: don’t give so much praise to kids, or their heads will swell and they will not be able to handle life well.
Perhaps a key is the approach to how to say it. My principle is, if you should hate the sin and not the sinner, then praise the good deed, not the do-gooder. Give praise for things done well, not for who they are. Same with criticism. Praise the person’s actions and explain what they did right, and not extol the person themselves; avoid phrases like, “you are awesome all the way,” “you are the greatest person in the world,” “you are magnificent,” etc. However, on the negatives, I do agree on not insulting, demean or personally attack them, calling people “worthless” or “stupid.” If they really did something stupid, call that action stupid, not the person. Encouragement to improve and do better are good to give, especially with tips. But never do it in a way that makes the person believe their achievements are natural to them, or it will bloat their egos.
Of course, many people will try to counter, what is wrong with you? If you don’t heap praises on people it, you’re a jerk, unloving, unChristian, cruel, negative, you’re hurting others’ feelings, you’re fascist and anything like that. Just make people feel good, don’t oppose them! But then again, don’t oppose people heaping praises on politicians. One of the things that also reminded me of this topic was re-reading Ilda’s article about not treating politicians like celebrities. That makes this whole topic of praises and false trophies relevant to Filipino culture’s problems. Let’s add my article about not giving people like celebrities or “royalty” special treatment. Treating people, whether famous or ordinary, like this contradicts today’s ideas about equality and encourages narcissism, egoism and lack of personal responsibility. It would be hypocritical if you hate how people praise politicos and such, but don’t mind heaping praises on your favorite celebrities, singer or actors, even if they commit crimes or act like asses. People worship is an idiocy that sometimes people don’t realize they’re doing.
One recent event that might demonstrate the folly of a praise-seeking attitude is Serena Williams’ tantrum during her loss to Naomi Osaka in the US Open tennis match. There were even boos against Osaka because she wasn’t a crowd favorite. I guess that’s part of the dumbness of the personality cult of Serena Williams where people believe she deserves praise because of who she is, and are unwilling to accept the truth of her being beaten. And many other commentators do believe the tantrum was Serena’s airheadedness coming out. Although she calmed down and congratulated Osaka in the end, her folly was still recorded for the world to learn from (as was her tantrum in 2009 in a match against Kim Clijsters). So Osaka deserves the praise for winning, but of course, it should be praise for her win, and not for her person, lest it can get to her head too.
This is all because of movements and cultures that fool people into believing they can’t be happy without receiving praise or affirmation, when in fact they don’t need it. So when they don’t receive such praises, if they don’t get depressed, they lash out and hurt others, calling them “negative,” but in fact they are the ones who are negative. And, if they believe others should have praises, they don’t do it out of love: they do it in exchange for favors. Thus, believing that people need praises to live is an egoistic idiocy, and it only serves to encourage people to act like asses in life.
A follower of our blog messaged me that Filipinos like to receive praise even if they do nothing that deserves it. It means they want to be lords, “greater than others,” and such, and get eaten up when they lose. Then it’s no wonder why our country remains poor and a laggard. Filipinos should give up looking for praise. Even if they do a good job, they should not look for praise; just keep doing the good job. After all, life itself doesn’t give us any praise, but simply just makes us reap what we sow.
I believe, as my cohorts here do, that what Filipinos embrace as their culture is what actually pulls the country down. And those who seem to be anti-dictators, who may also believe themselves to be “heroes,” are the real dictators.
37 Replies to “We Should Stop Being Profuse With Praise Towards People”
Who need praises ? People who are narcissists. Look at our crooked politicians. They show their achievements as : cum laudes; super achievers; highly intelligent; foreign university graduates; M.A.s; PhDs; etc…We vote for them thinking, they will do a good job for us. At the end, they are mostly crooks, who waste our time and taxpayers’ money.
Look at the Aquinos. They are featured in the biased media as : heroes and saints. They named our international airport and prominent buildings for themselves. Their smirking faces are in our currencies. They have an EDSA shrine, for gullible Filipinos; place to worship their heroism and sainthood. They have their holidays, to give us special time to worship them. Textbooks are in our public schools, being studied by children to fortify the myth/lie , that they are indeed , heroes and saints.
In truth, they are narcissist, destabilizers, crooks, power grabbers, land grabbers, tenants/slave holders, Mexican gold coin thieves, incompetents, non achievers, traitors, collaborators, etc…
So, if you find a person who want your praise. Think twice, and dig deeper on that person. Be wary, because he wants something with the praise !
Aha! Ha! Ha! Lookit all the crooks in government. Check out where they graduated. There is one university, a government run socialized tuition university, that is close to monopoly of crookery: UNIVERSITY OF THE PHILIPPINES and PHILIPPINE MILITARY ACADEMY
EDSA REVOLUTION was a Fake Revolution covered by Fake Newspapers thru Fake Journalists.
IT WASN’T A REVOLUTION !!! It was a fiesta !!! They were the looky-loos, usisi, gossipers and tsismosos.
The EDSA Monument does not reflect the true heroes, they were: Cigarette Vendors, Iced Water Vendors, Balut Vendors, Ice Cream Vendors, Bar-B-Q Vendors, Balut Vendors, Unemployed, Unemployables … to name so many … THEY WERE THE FIRST RESPONDERS to this so called EDSA REVOLUTION !!!
If it was a revolution whose side were they on? The corrupt Enrile-Honasan-Ramos triumvirate? Or, the Marcos Crime Family?
They got to be out of their minds.
The FaiLipines Fake News promoted it as Revolution because the FaiLipinos never won a Revolution since Christian Magellan was garroted by Atheist Lapu-Lapu.
We should not Praise False Earned Merits of Marcial Bonifacio Son MadPnoy kulangkulang99, Creator of four million Pilipino addicts, where his late santa corykot mother of all lies for 36 years of hacienda luisita self intest media manipulations, that let the Pilipino People Suffer so that they will Hate Apo lakay Marcos MasAGANA99 Great nation conversion of a quarter of a million Pilipino peasants into landowner farmers, these yellow oligarchs family is not worth Praising and Dying for the Gullible hacienda luisita farmers who were never converted into landowners, instead being duped and manipulated to the bone.
The farmers, polite word of slaves, in Hacienda Luisita are generational farmers. They are the great great great grand children of late farmers of Hacienda Luisita. They are under perpetual bondage to the land they till owned by Filipino People’s hero. TOO BAD !!!
I won’t praise your writing Chino as per your recommendation. To the dismay of Get Real critics who say we shouldn’t talk about sports, the truth of the matter is I probably have read more sports books than they have and I will talk about two of them.
1. A Season On The Brink by John Feinstein. One of the best selling sports books of all time. The subject is Bob Knight the long time head basketball coach of Indiana University. I first read the book 30 years ago and my copy is full of notes and asterisks. Basketball is a religion in Indiana which you might say is similar to the Philippines. The difference is players from the state of Indiana actually become famous. To be fair though, if a university from the Philippines ever could get a football team ( American style) together, they might actually compete with the football team of IU.
In the book, Coach Knight gave a particular new player a dollar in front of everybody. Then he told the player, don’t feel bad taking it because it is the only thing you will get from me for free in the next four years. When you read the book, you will feel bad for what he puts his players and assistant coaches though. One coach told a recently berated player in the book ( Darryl Thomas) ” don’t listen to him call you a pu$$y but listen to him when he tells you why he is calling you a pu$$y”. Knight’s players wish they could shoot him during their time under him but once they leave the university the book says there is a strong loyalty on both sides. The player once he matures and faces the real world as a basketball player or not , appreciates what Knight was trying to teach. Maybe it is good I made all those notes since I hope I get the details right.
2. Friday Night Lights- not the show or the movie but the book based on the town of Odessa, Texas and how life revolves 365 a year on their high school football team. In a perfect world you go to school and then play football as part of going to school. FNL shows you how some of these players get so entitled by the time they are high school seniors since the praise starts so early. Some of the boys are still model students and model youth but some are not. If a pro athlete might seem as entitled and spoiled and out of touch, a book like this shows you the mental “conditioning” started a long time ago.
OK I found the book. The story I told you can be found on page 8:
Shortly after that Isiah Thomas is quoted. Not the bust with Cleveland and L.A. but the one in the Hall of Fame. This is found on page 9:
The story about handing out a dollar to the player
That spring. Knight was the speaker at Morgan’s banquet. At
the end of his speech. Knight called Morgan up to the podium.
“He took a dollar out and laid it on a plate,” Morgan remembered.
“He told me to take it because it was the last thing he’d ever give
me for free.”
Here is a story that shows you how Knight used basketball to teach his players to be successful in no matter what they do. How whatever they do they have to want it.
More than anything. Knight was philosophical. “You know, I
tell you all the time that basketball is thinking and playing smart
and working hard. You hear that so much from me you probably
stop hearing it after a while. But I was thinking this morning
about Scott May. I can remember Scott May coming in here on
Sundays, his one day off, and working for two hours on not
walking with the basketball. He ended up a two-time All-Amer-
ican and player of the year as a senior. And I’ll tell you something,
he didn’t have any more athletic ability than a lot of you do. But
he wanted to compete so much, he made himself better.
“See, boys, basketball should be your favorite class. Because
what basketball has done for teams here in the past is taught those
kids how to compete. That’s a great thing to learn. I guarantee
you we’ve had players who have sat in the classroom with people
who had 3.7 cums, who they no way should have been able to
compete with after college, and have gone on and done much
better than those kids did.
“Why? Because they knew how to compete. They knew how
to stay after something. They knew how to get knocked down
and get up. Those other guys, 3.7 and all, some of them couldn’t
sell handwarmers to eskimos. But until this team, or the last two
teams, we always had players who wanted to play and wanted to
compete. I feel like with you guys that you are required to play.
And I hate using that word — required.”
Read the whole book and most of the time you will not see praise. Hopefully though you will see love and loyalty.
Dude, informative stuff you’ve posted there. I thought Bob Knight was the inspiration for the movie Hoosiers/Best Shot, but it looks like there are other examples of the same thing. Namely coaches doing their best to remove the air from their players’ heads, but it’s a tough job. And I honestly didn’t know Friday Night Lights was originally a non-fiction book. Aside from football, what comes to mind when I hear about it is Adrianne Palicki, and now I know better. I had to check the Wikipedia articles on the above topics, too. What I read gave the impression that sports fanaticism and American rural life (as with ours) are largely messed up.
Hoosiers the movie was set in 1950s. Bobby Knight and Indiana had their perfect season ( undefeated the whole year including the NCAA championship) 1976. Indiana is known as the Hoosier state. As for the book (FNL) . The author moved his family and lived in that town for a year to write the book https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friday_Night_Lights:_A_Town,_a_Team,_and_a_Dream. John Feinstein stuck around IU also for a year. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Season_on_the_Brink Both seem to encompass the good, the bad and the ugly.
It’s interesting to note how Odessa people got mad at Bissinger for writing the truth about their basketball obsession. I guess that’s the drill for writing about the truth.
And he was there for a year. Actually, I am nowhere near finished having bought the book 5 years ago . That is how they are and they are not unique. Sports is better than any reality show. Maybe I will direct message you reprints of Sports Illustrated articles. Two baseball guys who had clean cut images that were living lives so contrary to that.
“…the truth of the matter is I probably have read more sports books than they have…”
Gogs, with his natural narcissistic impulse, should stop being profuse with self-praise towards himself but simply can not!
His one-way unrequited pinoy adoration for western sports, as an instrument of his own vainglory, is actually narcissism.
I guess you are the polar opposite taking shots at me from different burner profiles. Sorry if I don’t worship at the altar of pinoy sports which has neither the variety or quality of other countries. The only basketball myopic country in the world with mediocre results.
Sorry if my appreciation for sports goes beyond a league where there is no such thing as a home game and is just an extension of the pinoy epal mindset. That to you is the opposite of narcissism . Inferior product and inferior choices and inflated egos.
Gogs doesn’t get it! So you have GRP bloggers who seek entitlements of exemptions from their own culture of social engineering.
In reality, bloggers here tend to not fully believe in the spirit and advocacy of GRP. As in this case, with ChinoF’s write-up above, most especially when it concerns them.
Instead of whining about things, Gogs should concern himself about what exactly has his wanderlust in western sports contributed, added and achieved in uplifting something he ought to change that he can be so proud of. And I presume there is none!
The pinoy sports rhetoric is to pay attention to and devote yourself to one sport. Win or lose ( 90% of the time lose) just make excuses for countries that beat us that in the one team sport we care about when they all have broader sports horizons. If I am going to always be exposed to pinoy pride then it is my solemn obligation to belittle the fallacy of it. The people who think basketball is the only sport worth caring about have gone on record telling GRP not to write about sports. Sure enough they get annoyed which just encourages me more to talk about sports. Pinoy Pride = lousy basketball.
The guaranteed way to get the critics to resort to ad hominem attacks is to discuss sports that the tambays know nothing about. In other words, any sport that is not basketball. If you really look down at GRP bloggers then why bother reading and commenting? I won’t add up the years that Chino and I have combined here but give us some credit that we have an idea what ” the spirit and advocacy of GRP” is. In my opinion when the common pinoy agrees with everything I say then that is the time I should get out of GRP. Still you are welcome to see me as a guy who doesn’t get it. I sure have given this website enough ammunition on different topics for you to come to that conclusion. Noe excuse me as I indulge in my favorite hobby. Taking and posting selfies.
An excuse is when it makes you wonder why people like Gogs talks of other things then ignore what actually is being asked when he can simply, directly and specifically state, in all honesty, what his lingering love of western sports has significantly achieved, as an objective, relevant to that of GRP’s own intention.
Pinoys only care about one team sport. I won’t bother naming it. If you read every sports themed submission I have ever made here, I dare you not learn something. If you are truly curious about sports . Pinoys love the solitary team sport that they do because there are only 5 players per team on the floor. They can all dribble, shoot , rebound and pass. Ball goes on in the hoop and do not step out of bounds. It is basically that simple. Pinoys will never even like baseball because it is known as a thinking man’s game. Pinoys will never appreciate subtleties in baseball because they don’t appreciate subtleties in life. Look at their news, commercials, movies and TV shows. Sorry but trying to understand and appreciate something that is not elementary is not ” narcissistic”. Your call if I don’t “get it”. I won’t bother arguing with someone who feels the pinoy paradigm of appreciating sports is the way to go. That I truly don’t get.
I wonder what’s so narcissistic about Gogs’ interest in western sports and criticizing Filipinos society based on books with points that can apply anywhere. Saying Pinoys are the greatest in sports is the narcissistic thing. Gogs’ words make good sense actually.
@ChinoF, the feeling is mutual. To be honest, I kinda wonder myself why you wonder. (And it’s kinda vague whom you’re actually quoting there with what you’re saying they’re saying!)
What good sense actually? Ok, he’s good… probably even extremely and devotedly excellent in his personal capacity being a western sports fan!
But how do you measure or value excellence in fandom? How is Gogs being an avid fan of western sports any different from any other fan(s) of anything (anime, tv/movies, arts/sciences) as far as being an agent of social change in a society? Can you cite specifics in what way exactly… as in 1, 2, 3…?
His chosen self-identification with the west only reveals a side of his neo-colonial mentality that heightens an inner narcissistic pride which he uses to brag about as sort of his badge of achievement wherein he has no input nor right of claim.
And when confronted with that reality, about what impact it has brought upon the larger society, he can only opt to play his usual mantra of broken record of repetitive whining(s) as a form of escapism and denial.
Gogs’ inability to define any imperative social contribution about his fandom clearly signifies only a no results delivery of nothingness to filipino society. As wanna-be advocates, bloggers should be reminded, benign0 has a word phrase for it… PlatformPlez!
So don’t be so profuse with praise towards people like Gogs. As author of the above article shouldn’t you practice what you preach?!
Edit – Can you cite specifics (of social contributory values of Gogs’ fandom) in what way exactly… as in 1, 2, 3…?
Cutting down pride is the best takeaway I get from this, whether about sports or anything. Having so much pride causes one’s own downfall. That applies so well to Filipinos. I’m not even praising Gogs, I’m just agreeing with his points – that are not his, but come from the books he mentioned. Heck, what’ wrong about his following western sports? I’m not against that, because it shows a lot of examples of the takeaway I mentioned.
Anyway, just telling me I’m praising Gogs or that I’m not following my own words is just an ad hominem with no point. Give me a point with substance, please.
So, do we have to change the school system as well? With (or after) every (school) test we do get a grade/mark (starting in elementary already). That mark can be seen (and is seen) as praisal. How good am I (or how poor/bad am I, of course). And that system sets you apart from me because you got an 8 (on a scale of 1 to 10) and me, I got a 4. That system may lead to jealousy and who knows what more (frustration, angryness, hostility towards the other(s)). Furthermore, we both do the same job but you get paid more (than me). Again a form of praisal (or reward).
That’s the deserved praise, or like when you’re an salesman who makes goes beyond quota while another fails to make it and doesn’t get praise. You might be surprised though at how much undeserved praise is desired by people in Filipino culture, or even American and similar cultures.
In 1stWorld countries, we do not grade Engineering exams Bar Exams Medical Exams and all exams… In the Philippines they grade it as topnotchers top 5 top 10 …
In 1stWorld countries we do not have patriotic and nationalistic jingles because we are already patriotic and nationalistic that is why WE ARE 1st WORLD …
Well, that’s one thing worth pondering. There must be something in the Filipino psyche that should be corrected if we are to become a progressive nation, or at least dream to become, one day. I have always theorized that there are a group of people who want this country to remain backward and so they use the media to impress to the general populace that everything is alright, that every challenge and hardships we face are natural and so there is nothing much we can do about it. They overwhelm us with all sorts of comic shows and movies to turn our attention from the real problems and issues that hound the lives of the ordinary Filipino. Entertainment isn’t bad, but if entertainment is all the value we can get spending hours in front of the TV, then we’re really into trouble. The “topnotcher”, “Top 5”, “Top 10” culture may have been deliberately inculcated into our consciousness to keep us wanting only for the most trivial and vainly goals in life.
Evaluation is my opinion is different from praise. . Grades are supposed to be indicators of something. In every Olympics you have the podium where there is only room for 3. It will always cause resentment to 4th, 5th , 6th and even those that don’t qualify. Chino put the illustration of the award ” better luck next time……” It is actually a blunt version of the “participation trophy”. Instead of explaining it I will let this link do the talking. https://blogs.elon.edu/roomfordebate/how-are-participation-trophies-changing-the-meaning-of-sports/ /
And just to rub into the people who think I don’t get it. Most sports have a champion annually unless you are the World Cup or the Olympics. In the last 12 months the Philadelphia Eagles won the Super Bowl, GSW won the NBA championship. The Washington Capitals won the Stanley Cup and the Houston Astros won the World Series. The pinoys who are the model when it comes to sports appreciation every year have “conferences” where they have 3 championships . There is no single winner every year. There is no short term or long term bitter taste of defeat since there is usually another “conference” in a short period of time. That is the pinoy way of “pro” sports. Interpret that however you will. I will say it waters everything down. That is me. But pinoys who love a sport and whose professional version of that is of zero demand overseas think that is the way to go. You decide. Oh yeah, ” I don’t get it” . The PBA does apparently.
Why do Filipinos praise extravagantly ? But do not be fooled … behind every Filipino’s praise is JEALOUSY. Watch out !!!
Philippines is not a land of smile … where did they get this idea? FILIPINOS SMILE BECAUSE I AM A FOREIGNER. I AM WHITE. They smile to foreigners. Never to fellow brown skin Filipinos. NEVER. They frown! They growl! They hiss !!! They snort and spit !!! NEVER TO ME !!! They smile !!!
You praise a child for doing a responsible thing but praising an adult for doing a responsible thing is treating him/her like a child.
Before I was sent to Philippines to teach English, conversational English, to call center employees I was told to praise them like babies. Pat them in the back, “Good Job !” It makes them feel good especially if the praise is coming from foreigners. Filipinos should not praise and pat Filipinos in the back because to Filipinos a Filipino praising a fellow Filipino is an insult !!!
WEIRD !!!! AIN’T IT?
Not too long ago, I talked with a 55-year old pinay who still needed guidance from her mom (she said this herself). In that case, its really hard to praise an individual. I immediately wondered what will happen if and when her mom dies suddenly the next day. She must be devasted not knowing what to do next.
The OFWs are the new “heroes” of the nation. We all know this is a praise meant to pull someone’s leg(in this case the Pilipinos), but funny how many still loves to hear this praise, they love to be called heroes, and that is why they are expected to act like heroes, that is, take sacrifices, endure hardship and miseries, and then clap and smile because they will be called a hero.
OFWs are heroes in Philippines’ OFW-eConomy !!!
Shackled, malnourished and whipped educated university-gradate OFWs are traded and sold to the highest bidders in the trading floor of POEA.
Once sold, they remit money to the Philippines to make their economy afloat. Filipinos is the 2nd largest remitting people on earth 2nd only to Chinese. If they cannot remit, they commit harakiri so insurance money can be added to Philippines GDP. Philippine investigators and Foreign Service officials never investigate. They go to investigate and make an appearance to investigate but actually a travel junket.
Allow me to continue what is apparently my unhealthy obsession with Western Sports. Here is something I read 20 years ago only because of my obsession with Western sports since apparently basketball is not a “western sport”. Not only should trophies be earned but even playing time. As relayed by Dan Marino. I fear giving him an introduction will get me more jeers from people so protective of pinoy culture. Maybe if his words address the point of the article it should still be invalid since it is a western sport.
In my neck of the woods, American Football (AF) is absolutely not popular. I dont know why, but that is how it is. On the other side, Rugby is much more liked and played. I even think that (Ice) Hockey (in my country) is more populat than AF.
Less than 20 years ago Amsterdam, Barcelona, London and Dusseldorf all had pro teams. Now London gets 3 games annually that are part of the regular season . In the meantime the Philippines just has basketball
I do remember that. I think they will play matches in the new built stadium for Tottenham Hotspur FC in London, England.
Sweet words are like honey, a little may refresh, but too much gluts the stomach.