I’m putting this here just in case somebody out there might actually be listening…
I have been a very good boy this year so that means I can make a wish list that you are obliged to fulfill. If that’s the case, worry not because all you really have to do is fulfill one of the three wishes I am listing below. I’ll repeat that: Just ONE of what’s written below is more than enough for me, okay? If you can fulfill just one, then I won’t haggle for the other two. Besides, asking for more than just one thing for being good for one year sounds more than a little selfish and unfair to me.
|SUPPORT INDEPENDENT SOCIAL COMMENTARY!|
Subscribe to our Substack community GRP Insider to receive by email our in-depth free weekly newsletter. Opt into a paid subscription and you'll get premium insider briefs and insights from us daily.
Subscribe to our Substack newsletter, GRP Insider!
Okay, so are you ready for my checklist Santa?
Please give the Philippines a good president. To be more specific, I’d like a good-hearted man or woman who truly cares for his or her people with a mature approach to the problems of the country. I want him or her to also be honest and tell people the truth, no matter how painful, instead of keeping them in the dark and misleading them with false or unreliable information.
I want a president who will rewrite the Philippine constitution and finally do away with the deeply flawed protectionist principles found in the 1986 Constitution. This way, foreign investors can come into the Philippines to establish their businesses here and provide not just employment opportunities but promising and rewarding careers for my countrymen. This will ultimately lead to the elimination of the necessity for OFW’s as Filipinos will be able to lead prosperous lives and give their families a bright future in their own country. When this happens, there will no longer be a need for any Filipino to travel abroad and work in potentially difficult or dangerous areas just to keep their kids in school.
I also want a president who’s also prepared for disaster. You probably know well just how crazy the weather has become in the Philippines and how dangerous this can be. We’ve had to endure the wrath of Yolanda and other similar weather anomalies for the past few years and there’s news that an earthquake might come next year and cause untold devastation in my country. Please give us a president who can help us prepare accordingly for these kinds of disasters and can at least minimize the casualties if they can avoid it altogether.
Please give this president a deep sense of empathy. Let him or her be aware of their people’s pain and always struggle to find the best way to avoid causing it. Let this new president have a will to help those who have become victims of violence both natural and man-made, from those who were left homeless and desperate by Yolanda to the Lumads who are in grave danger and are being persecuted even as we speak. Please give this new president the resolve to protect my less fortunate countrymen as they are all too often too vulnerable to criminals and terrorists.
Related to the above, provide this new president a firm hand when dealing with criminals, terrorists and corrupt officials. Make sure that he or she will be quick to bring to justice people who victimize others regardless whether or not they are part of their inner circle. Justice for a chosen few and not all is, to me, not justice at all. But please ensure that this president has a healthy amount of respect for the law and not simply take it into his or her hands. Justice should be about balance and ascertained with due process. Personal whim and over-emotional reactions only serve to obstruct justice instead of meting it out.
I know I’ve already mentioned this but I just want it to be more specific so you won’t be confused. When I say “mature”, I don’t mean “old”, okay? When I say mature, I want this president to act like a right and proper adult instead of a spoiled brat. Please make this president a person who can choose his or her words well instead of a rowdy teenager in the body of a middle-aged man.
If you can’t deliver what I asked for in “Option A”, here’s a good alternative: Please give me a thermonuclear bomb preferably in the 1000 megaton range. This device will be small and light enough to be carried in a backpack and should be highly resistant to tampering. It should also be designed in such a way that it will be fairly easy to sneak it past security with little to no incident whatsoever. It can only be detonated in one of three ways: 1) Through a password that only I would know. 2) When my heart stops beating. 3) When someone tries to tamper with it.
Just make Maria Ozawa my girlfriend. No other words necessary. Thank you very much.
There Santa, just one of the three options I offered above should satisfy me. In fact, if you give me one of those, I won’t just be good for this year or next year. Heck, I’ll be a good boy for the rest of my life! What more could I possibly ask for, after all?
Fail to deliver however and I only have this to say:
Not only will I stop believing in you and stop being a good boy, I will spend the rest of my life destroying you and everything you hold dear. One way or another, I will find you and I will lay waste to everything you know and love before killing you for last. Nothing will be safe, not your wife, your elves or your reindeer.
Fail to give me what I asked for this Christmas then I will treat you to the horrendous fate of having to watch your loved ones be taken apart piece by bloody piece. I will save you for last though, you can be sure of that. However with you, I will take my sweet time and make you relish every minute of torture I can subject you to.
If you doubt me, then let me tell you now that you have no idea just what a desperate Filipino is capable of…
Thaddeus Morvacle Grimwald
I HAVE RETURNED TO LAY WASTE TO OUR ENEMIES!