A Word Before Valentine’s Day

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It’s February again and I hear people saying something about “love being in the air”. Unfortunately, all I really smell is the stench of burning tires in my neighbor’s backyard and the pleasant aroma of barbecue coming from my kitchen. Well, you guys can say that I’m just another single and bitter old coot but that’s not the point here.

I’m writing this article as a kind of public service for all you lovers out there. Yes, that extends to you old lovers as well because there’s a high probability that you have children and you have to think about how they’re going to perceive the word “love” in their life. In case it isn’t obvious yet, this is not about familial or platonic love, this article is about romantic love, the kind of love that our media constantly tries to shove into our faces at every opportunity it gets. Just try watching a local show that isn’t news or a game/noontime show and you’ll see just what I’m talking about.

valentines_dayOur teleseryes and music industry insist that not having a love life sucks and that you are a sad, sad person if you don’t have anyone in your life. Doubly so if you’re a woman. Teleseryes do not paint a pretty picture of women who have reached a certain age and are still not married or lack children. Well then, before we continue, I’d like to say that if you’re the type of person who likes to take his or her love advice from teleseryes or from local love songs, then you probably need to get your head out of your butt. You need to wake up to reality and put away your teleseryes and love songs for now. You can watch your teleseryes or listen to your love songs later, because now, you need to face facts.

I’m no expert in love, I’ll admit that much, but I’ve made some observations that have allowed me to draw some hard conclusions that can be used as a guide. Of course, there are always exceptions, but what I have listed here is a fairly accurate idea of what usually happens. Oh, and before we continue, this is NOT “romantic” advice, this is “real life” advice.

Love=Sex=Kids

Forget Einstein’s E=mc^2 for now. If you think you’re in love, please remember this formula instead. For your sake, I’ll repeat it again: Love=Sex=Kids.

Look, all romantic love eventually leads to sex, that is a fact of life. Never mind what the teleseryes tell you. When Coco Martin’s character is eyeing another attractive female character, sex is probably on his mind. Now, it might not be the only thing on his mind but, mind you, it will be in there somewhere.

Okay, I’ll be blunt, I’m a guy too and, in any romantic relationship, interest in sex is always part of the deal. Now, there are a lot of us guys who are willing to wait. We can wait for things to develop on their own and let the love grow, but at the end of the day, we not only want but need sex. I mean, we’re guys, it’s part of our body chemistry so don’t look at us as if we’re perverts or something because it’s a physiological drive. We need sex the same way that we need air, food and water and that, my friends, is an indisputable fact. I know the media hides it from you with whitewashed Marty Stu type heroes in teleseryes but the bottom line is that all guys want to have sex with the people they choose to love.

Now next on our agenda is what sex leads to: kids. When a guy tells you girls stuff like: “prove to me that you love me” or “we have to make this memorable”, please think about what you’re doing first. Look, I’m not telling you not to do it. I’m just telling you that you should think about it because, when you do, you’re likely to have children.

Children are indeed a blessing but to make things really blessed, you should plan for them. If you really want to have kids anyway, then here are questions you need to ask yourself:

  1. Can you support them?
  2. Can you be there for them as they grow up?
  3. Can you raise them to be productive citizens?
  4. Can you accept and love them whatever they may become?

If two or more of your answers to these questions are no, then you probably don’t need a kid right now. Now, if you want to have sex without having to worry about having children, here are some viable options capitalized and typed in bold so you can’t miss them:

  • CONDOMS
  • PILLS
  • LIGATION

NOTE: The first two options can be found in local drugstores and are sold at fairly reasonable prices. The third option is a semi-permanent method in case you’re not really interested in having kids in the immediate future.

True Love is About Trust, Not Pride

Look, love isn’t about who looks the best or who’s got the deepest pockets. Love is something that is based on trust. It’s similar to friendship but it goes a lot deeper than that. Do you have friends who know what you’re thinking even before you say it? Well, true love is almost like that but it goes even deeper to the point that you know each other so well that words become just an afterthought to the two of you. It’s not exactly “telepathy” (although I wouldn’t rule it out) but a kind of chemistry, the way molecules in water move with one another or how planets orbit a star without colliding.

Before I continue, I want to point out that pride has nothing to do with true love. It’s not about the girl who looks like Angelina Jolie or the guy with as much money as Bill Gates. If you don’t really trust these people, then I promise you, your relationship is likely a false one and will probably last as long as you can maintain your masquerade. Now, I won’t judge you for choosing someone who you thought is pretty or rich because, after all, you might have your reasons. But do take note, what you have probably can’t be called true love in the real sense.

Love is about faith, of knowing someone to the core of his or her soul. It is about seeing your significant other for who they really are, seeing their flaws and loving them anyway. It’s not about being perfect but finding perfection in being together. Being pretty or being rich is just a bonus, so don’t look for those if you can’t help it. While they’re certainly necessary for a relationship, they’re not what make a relationship last. People get old and beauty fades and even the greatest wealth can be exhausted under the right circumstances.

True Love Takes Time

True love doesn’t happen in a second and it doesn’t develop over a single night. I don’t believe in “love at first sight” because I don’t think that’s how the world works. If anything, love is something you develop over a lot of time with someone. It’s not just going to happen after you meet eyes with someone and it’s not going to happen after a night of wild, wild sex.

You might meet someone and decide for yourself that you might like this guy or girl, but that’s just chemistry. That’s just you deciding that the other person has the potential to be the person you will love for the rest of your life. But that’s all it is: potential. If you’re not going to work at it, then it will just be another lost opportunity.

However, as I said, for true love to set in, you need to give things time. Now, related to what I said above, true love isn’t just based on sex. Sometimes you need to abstain from the sex so that you’ll know how much you’re really worth to one another. There is nothing that proves love more than the patience involved in making love grow.

I hope this will be able to help all you lovers this coming Valentine’s Day.

As for me, I’ll be hiding in my nuclear bomb shelter for the 14th of February. If any of you have any messages to send me, I strongly suggest you send it before then. Thank you.

NOTE IN FILIPINO:

Kung gusto niyo po na mabasa ang artikulo na ito sa tagalog, meron po akong  tagalog version nito.

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18 Comments on “A Word Before Valentine’s Day”

  1. Nice article Grimwald! Sadly most of the youth today look to telenovelas and try to find “the perfect guy/girl” stereotyped in telenovelas. This sometimes prevents them from seeing potential lovers who do not fit the stereotype but are ready to love.

    Also, some are in a relationship for the sex only and some are ignorant that sex=chances of getting pregnant and they do sex until the girl gets pregnant. Some guys do not take responsibility and abandon the girl which forces the girl to abort or be a single parent. Sad society these days. 🙁

  2. And some rush into marriage as well not knowing the person enough and are shocked that they did not really know the person they married enough. Fights happen then they annul/separate/divorce. This may have been avoided if they knew each other well.

    1. Indeed. To be honest, I doubt this article will really help much but I’d rather do my part no matter how useless it may seem as long as it helps a few.

  3. “Love=Sex=Kids”????

    This equation (or formula) looks a lot like a blog/article Benign0 wrote not too long ago (sex is for procreation and for nothing else).

    Now how come that both my country and Italy are facing population that decreases and decreases (whether absolute or relative)?
    Could it be so that people from both countries do have sex but tke their responsibility so high that pregnancies can come at the wrong moment or even undesired completely?
    Our best friend. Mr. Jorge Bergiglio said it recently that choosing to not have kids is egoistic. I really wonder how such a guy can make such assumptions. Maybe he himself should give the right example and start procreating. But then again, he can afford it.

    And BTW: its not that easy to make a woman especially if both know nothing about how one’s body (biology wise) works.
    In each menstrual cycle there is just a window of approx 5 consecutive days to be successfull. And bec every woman is different the best day is (ovulation) is not fixed every month.

    Methods of birth control:
    – Hormonal: oral pills, implants under the skin, injections, patches, IUDs and a vaginal ring.
    – Barrier: male condoms, female condoms, cervical caps, diaphragms, and contraceptive sponges with spermicide.
    – Intrauterine devices
    – Sterilization: tubal ligation for women and vasectomy for men.
    – Behavioral
    – Fertility awareness
    – Abstinence

    (all the above taken from the Wiki: Birth control: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birth_control)

    1. Knowledge that vasectomy and sterilization even exist seems to be appallingly low. Couples will say they don’t want any more children, then another accidental miracle comes along, then another a couple of years down the line. Take care of it! There are free days for no scalpel vasectomies in major cities every year, just look for the angry Catholic protestors with placards.

    2. I understand what you mean Robert but, you see, I’m talking about garden-variety Fail-lipinos here not educated and well-to-do Europeans. I also think that sex is also for pleasure but there are relatively few Pinoys who can handle it responsibly.

      As it is with all things, “responsibility” isn’t something Pinoys are strong on. Sex is good. But it’s better if it’s done RESPONSIBLY.

      1. Then something went horribly wrong during the raising of the kids by the parents. Responsibility is something to be taught by the parents. Well at least that is my opinion.
        How can I – as parent – be proud of my own kids if they do irresponsible things all the time (and I am not even a parent myself)?

        You live in a fucked up country and that is why I agree totally with what Benign0 once wrote: The Philippines is a dysfunctional society.

  4. I also wonder if Grimwald is aware of the concept of “casual sex” (One night stand) where there is sex but no love and no kids?

    1. actually i support casual sex because it makes people more particular with what they want, kinda like “test drives” on both parties. also, in a way people are more responsible because partners practice contraception and dont get carried away by emotions, because procreation is not the main goal. of course, it would be best if both parties were both single and available at the same time, and that there would be a guarantee that nothing emotional comes between the two parties.

      1. T,
        that is exactly the name of the game with “one night stand” (casual sex).
        It sometimes is also called “sex with no strings attached” (NSA).

  5. Valentine’s day is unfortunately overrated, especially in filipino culture. you dont have to hide out, just treat it like a normal day. kinda like atheists going on a christmas dinner. for those who just want to go with the flow, hiring a hooker or escort for the day wouldnt be a bad option – that’s what filipino valentines day is about anyway – getting somebody to play with your ding-dong on kris aquino’s birthday.

  6. Hey! For the record not only men thinks, wants and need sex, it goes both ways, women just need to meet a knowledgeable partner or themselves know what pleases them. Women are like time bombs when it comes to sex, they have really great potentials, like multiple orgasmic potential. (I think I will be labeled as loose, slut talking about this things) that is how women who freely talks about sex are viewed here in pH.

  7. There’s a new Filipino romantic film that ends with the protagonist being happily single. I won’t spoil which one it is, but the ones who have watched it will get it.

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