The Seven Stages of OFW Spousal Infidelity

In my previous article, there was a commenter there that argued that Filipinos are good at creating opportunities for themselves because they become OFWs. This is despite the fact that those opportunities are not really created by the OFWs themselves but their host countries. Thanks to the media hyping them as “bagong bayani” or modern day heroes, a lot of Filipinos talk as if OFWism is such a great thing and we should all be proud of it. I beg to disagree. There are a lot of social consequences brought about by families being apart for long periods of time, with the children lacking guidance and growing up in an environment with incomplete parental components. I have observed this because I was an OFW myself and have seen how families and individuals behaved both abroad and in the Philippines.

Let me begin with just one of the consequences that people have been trying to hide or are too embarrassed to even admit. I am going to open up a topic that has mostly been just discussed in the form of whispers between groups of idle housewives or in alcohol charged bouts of bragging between “kumpares” about who “scored” yet again.

ofw_wife

Do you really know what happens when you board that plane and sign off one or two years of your life to a job thousands of miles away from your partner? It has been happening since the beginning of the OFW phenomenon and it is just part of human nature that if you feel the itch, you just have to scratch it. If your husband or wife is not there to do the scratching, then your kumpare, kumare or even some random person they meet on line, at work or at the mall will be more than happy to do the job. Not all turn out this way, or this exact way but here is how it typically goes:

THE SEVEN STAGES OF OFW SPOUSAL INFIDELITY

1. The OFW finds a job that pays a wage that would give his or her family a better lifestyle so they tearfully say their goodbyes, renew their promises of love and vow to keep their chastity until the other to returns. The OFW then thinks that everyday, his wife is just longing for the day she will pick him up at the airport while she stares at his pictures every night.

2. The wife then goes out with her friends, each of her “amigas” have boyfriends, husbands or “friends with benefits” while she is by her lonesome trying to ignore the fact that while others have warm bodies around them that they could rub and vice versa, she is on her own with nothing but her cel phone and laptop to warm her up at night. She keeps her libido like a little lizard concealed underneath her blanket hoping it will stay there and never get out until her husband comes back. But that little lizard grows by the day and eventually becomes Godzilla.

3. One of the amigas is a “bad influence” and jokes about how the OFW spouse is “tigang” and she should “take care of her needs”. She just laughs it off and says “kayo talaga” but thoughts come into her mind. They then see the numerous “affair movies” like Ex with Benefits or The Other Woman which trivializes infidelity and helps makes lecherous behavior a norm.

4. A guy gets introduced into the group of friends who is single or has a wife who is an OFW and is also alone. They start talking about how hard it is to be apart from someone you love, how sometimes they argue but she still longs for his arms and stuff like that. She now has a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear but she vows that they should only be “just good friends” because they simply have so much in common. Just friends, just friends, just friends… she repeats like a mantra.

5. They do Karaoke, go out to the beach, have some alcohol, physical activities and something just… kinda happened. They then become a couple and the OFW wife spends her husband’s hard earned money to support her unemployed boy toy and nothing gets saved. They all go to the SoGo establishment where hot nights of schmoozing and oozing take place.

6. The OFW husband then wonders where all the money he sent home went. That is the money he sent home after spending it on dates with his own girlfriend in the country he is in.

7. The kids grow up without a complete set of parents to guide them. If they are boys and their father figure is absent, they become weak willed and lacking in confidence. The girls meanwhile, become slutty and may get pregnant early.

Could the OFW phenomenon be a major contributor as to why the generations of Filipinos are becoming worse and worse? The lack of parental guidance and love seem to have made the youth weak and lacking in intelligence. It has also made our women vulnerable overseas. I am sure no one will say this in polite conversation but it is well known that a lot of Filipina Domestic Helpers in Hong Kong or Singapore are slutting themselves out to Bangladeshi construction workers while their pedicab driving husbands who they remit money to in The Philippines use it for their dates watching the latest Aldub movies with the labandera next door.

Then we have the wife of the high paid OFW in the Middle East or in the high seas who get swept off their feet by their dance instructors or gym trainors paid for by “Katas ng Saudi”.

So next time you think that OFWism is such a good thing, take a closer look at the spouses of OFWs and see what they are doing. You will be surprised. Or not. 😉

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About rafterman

I am glad to have the privilege of being able to express my views via the GRP blog. I live in Southern California with my wife and kid and have a business dealing with real property. Between business and family, I amuse myself by observing different cultures and how they influence the destinies of individuals and groups. Thank you for reading.

Post Author: rafterman

I am glad to have the privilege of being able to express my views via the GRP blog. I live in Southern California with my wife and kid and have a business dealing with real property. Between business and family, I amuse myself by observing different cultures and how they influence the destinies of individuals and groups. Thank you for reading.

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56 Comments on "The Seven Stages of OFW Spousal Infidelity"

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Mar
Guest

Reality check.

Bayani nga Ba?
Guest

Yup. Pinoys are very good in putting a spin on things and fooling the uto-uto. Just like how they call people who got ravaged by a storm due to lack of preparation RESILIENT or waterproof. They call OFWs new heroes. The children suffer because of your foolishness, Pinoys. Wake up! Bagong Bayani pa more.

domo
Guest

They are the new heroes alright…as a cash cow for the oligarch mafias, incompetent government and failipinos of course.

Pinoys are funny
Guest

Filipinos love their heroes. They love to either be the hero (more like foolish martyr) or to rely on heroes (take advantage of their foolishness). So it is either you are an OFW slaving away in a foreign land or a relative in the Philippines leeching off such a slave.

Spike
Guest

More than a little sexist that you suggest that men go overseas, the wives stay home and the wives cheat.

However a very valid point that kids raised by a single parent, or grandparents, do not have the same advantages as kids from a home where both parents are present.

Bayani nga Ba?
Guest

The roles could be switched. The article mentioned: ” Filipina Domestic Helpers in Hong Kong or Singapore are slutting themselves out to Bangladeshi construction workers while their pedicab driving husbands who they remit money to in The Philippines use it for their dates watching the latest Aldub movies with the labandera next door.” and also

“6. The OFW husband then wonders where all the money he sent home went. That is the money he sent home after spending it on dates with his own girlfriend in the country he is in.”

777Toro007Hayden007
Guest

These OFW Filipinas are just sidelining as Prostitutes…additional income. When they come home, they act as if they own everything…buy anything…money flowing like water from them.

Propesor Propeta
Guest

Another Pinoy sickness. Pasikat. When they do balikbayan they want to project they succeeded abroad so they take the entire Barangay to a grand fiesta on their Visa cards. They say they are bank managers in America but in reality only ice cream delivery boys.

zaxx
Member

win-win solution: if you’re gonna be an OFW, bring your family with you.

Saudiboy
Guest
There are actually OFWs who can bring their family with them called “family status”. These are OFWs in the top management positions in companies. I was an engineer before yet I cannot bring my family with me. Those who do are a very small percentage of OFWs. How can a DH bring their family with them to work for a household in a Hong Kong condo? Or where will a construction worker’s or seaman’s family sleep? In the barracks or the ship? The solution is to find a way to DOMESTICALLY create opportunities so that Pinoys don’t have to suffer… Read more »
zaxx
Member

I agree. Although it will take ages to come to a point when the availability of local jobs will balance out with our rabbit-pace multiplying supply of labor.

What PH needs to do is to graduate from sending out domestic helpers, construction workers, and seamen who can’t have families with them.

Fields like IT/software, engineering, design, and management will open the way for OFWs that have better privileges. It will also uplift the general image of PH in the international community.

Educator
Guest

Well yeah, if the Philgov wants to abolish math subjects and put the focus on singing, dancing and cross-dressing you will have your IT people and engineers alright.

Dale Jose Gozar
Member

Zaxx
Again your suggestion is so stupid (no offense) and you really don’t understand OFW or OCW situation because you (like Paul Farol) have not experienced working or even to live abroad.

OFW or OCW is actually modern day SLAVERY and NOBODY or very few will offer Family Status. The extra cost of bringing your family will be taken from the profit foreign/local employers or recruiters. And OFW or OCW will never get recognization (by company/government/media) no matter how big or important their work contribution to company profit, Philippine and world economy.

Dubai OFW
Guest
Also the companies would have to sponsor the visas of the family members which is extra cost to them. The availability of the visas are also limited. Imagine if every OFW will bring their families from every country (Filipinos, Indians, Nepalese, Pakistani, Indonesian etc) then the host countries will be overpopulated. That is why they issue visas as much as possible only to the actual worker. I agree too. OFW seems good to those who receive their remittances or goodies from abroad. They do not realize the sacrifices, the loneliness, deprivation, misery and longing (for sons/daughters/spouse) that the OFW feels… Read more »
zaxx
Member
Dale, so you think you’re so smart huh? How do you explain the fact that so many Indians, Chinese and other ASEANs go work abroad tagging their families along with them? What makes you think Paul Farol doesn’t know the OFW situation? I’d be more careful with my words if I were you. The key word in my statement is the word IF. So IF you can’t bring your family along, then DON’T go work abroad. What’s wrong with the logic? Don’t Pinoys have a choice? The reason why Pinoys are so limited in their options is because they think… Read more »
Dubai OFW
Guest
How I wish it were true that if a person is granted a working visa, the family could automatically get theirs. If that were the case I am sure each and every OFW would have their families with them right now in their host countries. I have worked with Indians amd have never seen them abke to bring their families save for some high ranking company exrcutives (1% of their expats). Chinese have a lot of new millionaires and billionaires getting immigrant based investor visas. They canot be compared to OFWs. The solution lies within every Filipino. Vote right, follow… Read more »
da hypocrite
Guest
Zaxx, I believe you are a little bit of an optimist hehe but don’t get me wrong I’m not saying your ideas are far fetch, i’ts just there are so many factors that needs to be considered. First, not all developed countries are open for foreign migration. That is the reason why they issued visas, and there are so many types of visas and they are not that soft about it. Many developed countries still don’t have the capacity to facilitate such influx of migration. Second, OFW may not be considered as MODERN SLAVERY but they are still subject to… Read more »
Dale Jose Gozar
Member

My suggestion

If your single Filipino – try your best to seek employment in your preferred country to settle permanently and marry a local. So you won’t be expolited anymore by employment agency or pay extra to recruiters, POEA, and Philippine government who don’t really care or gives a shit what happen to you.

Emil Ronquillo
Guest

This is great advice. It is foolish to think that you can be an OFW if you leave a girlfriend or worse, a wife in the Philippines. Just go single and marry someone in the country you work in. Better if you migrate there permanently

Kin
Guest

Problem is are Flip guys game enough to get the locals? They don’t have much money so that’s one strike against them.

USA Pinoy
Guest

Yup. Filipinos have game. You see Filipinos married to white, black, latina, asians, native americans. I myself am married to a Latina and have past girlfriends of all colors.

zaxx
Member

Dale, I totally agree. You’re smart after all.

Robert Haighton
Member
Dale, you can rule out any EU country as “your prefered country” with only 1 exception. If you work for Shell Philippines (in whatever job) and Shel PH sends you to a European country on a temporarily basis then you wwill be granted entry in the EU. Applying for a job in a EU-country is useless. EU sets rules for people coming from a non-EU country and each EU-member country can have additional rules to which you have to comply. And there is no difference in whether you are married or single or widowed, gay, lesbian, hetero, transgender. I am… Read more »
Robert Haighton
Member
(CORRECTION): Dale, you can rule out any EU country as “your prefered country” with only 1 exception. If you work for Shell Philippines (in whatever job) and Shell PH sends you to a European country on a temporarily basis – to work for Shell Spain (for instance) – then you will be granted entry in the EU. And if Shell Philippines dont have a policy that will facilitate that you can go to Spain with your wife and kids, then you will have to go alone. (For Shell you can read any other company with branches in Europe) Applying for… Read more »
J0n
Guest

Being human is not all about sex

Juan de la Cruz Jr.
Guest

It is. You are not human if you do not crave sex.

Vincent
Guest
Sad truth. However, in fairness to a few, I’ve seen individuals who did extreme things just to keep their promise with their partners at home. They lock themselves alone in their rooms when there is no work just to avoid the temptation. But there are indeed those that are either easy targets or are making themselves targets, both male and females. They thought infidelity is a victimless crime. I’ve seen and heard stories of shattered families because one of the spouses committed extra-marital sex. In one case, I heard a husband, who is in the Philippines, committed suicide when he… Read more »
Pinoys are funny
Guest

In Tagalog: Kapag nangati yan, magpapakamot yan sa iba. People are human after all. The best solution is not to hope not to be led to temptation but to be delivered from evil. Just create opportunities at home. That way, no one would need to go crazy over the lack of sex.

Vincent
Member

By the way, did I mention that I also notice that those who committed extra-marital affairs that I’ve seen, some, if not all, of them frequently watches tele-novelas and other Filipino love-themed films as if suddenly they feel “binata” or “dalaga” (tapos kikiligin) again forgetting that they have spouses and children in the Philippines? I really wonder if there is a link. Hmm…

Dubai OFW
Guest

There is actually a link. Most of the people I know who watch telenovelas lack “asenso” in their careers. They do not do good jobs, do not get promoted fast enough, unable to save money, do not further their education… the closer they are to Pinoy culture, the less progress they have in life. The presence of telenovelas and TFC in their spare time is a good indicator of how close they are to Pinoy culture. They also wear yellow shirts with philippine maps on the left tit.

Robert Haighton
Member

With today’s available technology (Skype, cell phones) I am sure most people will have contact with their spouse on almost a daily basis. So I am not afraid that that will happen (cheating) very fast. Problem solved, case closed.

And if one doesnt trust him-/herself then dont go abroad for a longer period of time.

Tech Sext
Guest
But is Skype and Viber a substitute for an actual romp? They never have and never will be. The problem will never end unless Filipinos (or any human for that matter) suddenly develop saint-like levels of control which will never happen. It is easy to vow to trust one’s self or your partner but when the hormones kick in… you never know until you are in their shoes. This mass separation of families must be put to an end. Humans have limitations and we should acknowledge it. It is better to be delivered from evil than be put to the… Read more »
Robert Haighton
Member

Tech sext,
nothing will beat the real thing. But it (Skype) worked for me (while my pinay partner was 10,000 miles away) to stay “sane”. Secondly (but this probably only applies in the west) even married women do have another “best friend” right beside them. Its called a vibrator (and or dildo). Again not the real thing but they rather do that then going astray.

Tech Sext
Guest

We will never know…

Robert Haighton
Member

I do

Really?
Guest

Heh heh heh

Juan de la Cruz Jr.
Guest

What is your GF’s skype ID again?

Robert Haighton
Member

Again?

Dale Jose Gozar
Member
@ >$29billion annual remitance, Philippines main Export commodity are OFW or OCW – our modern day hero? or a form of slavery? Philippines rank 103 in the 2014 Global Slavery Index http://www.globalslaveryindex.org/download/ PR00F 1. Real population control measure (RH Bill is only for show) will never be implemented to maintain a continuous supply of cheap/quality labor and organ/stem cell donor to the world. 2. Our money (Philippine Peso) is backed by the U.S. $ or other Foreign Currency from: a. Remitances our OFW bring b. Generated by our BPO (Business Process Outsourcing) or IPO (Industrial Process Outsourcing. 3. Government makes… Read more »
Albert
Guest
Filipinos are like the Mexicans – they would rather risk their lives and limbs crossing the treacherous deserts of the US than fix the problems in their own country. They are blinded by the “success stories” of those who crossed before them, ignoring the hardships of working here in the US as Illegals. As I have seen, being illegal here is not exactly a “fun” adventure. Ganyan din ang Pinoy, they will try everything and anything just to be able to work overseas, sometimes just for the sake of being called “OFW”. What they don’t seem to realize is that… Read more »
Saudi Engineer
Guest

Actually I don’t like to call what OFWs have achieved success. It is just called NORMALCY. Things are so bad in the Philippines that even a normal decent life any human being deserves to have is called success.

Jetlag807
Guest

No different from being in the Military and on Deployment. 60 to 70% of spouses are going to cheat. The wives are there with kids in hand to see their hubbies cast off or fly away. Once the vessel is out of range (or the plane is in the air, they hustle those kids into the cars, rush to the nearest babysitter, go home to get out of their Sunday Best and get into their CFM outfits, hit the bars and spend the allotment funds shots until they find a temporary replacement for the one who just left.

US Sailor
Guest

One of the most foolish things to do is get married while in the military. Your dependa and Jody hitting the sack once you’re underway. Forget about even having a girlfriend. You are a fit man in uniform travelling around the world. Just get as much poontang as you can in every country and if you really want to have crumb crunchers, just get out and then get married.

Dale Jose Gozar
Member
KABATAAN pag-asa pa ba ng Bayan? Today, we remember the martyrdom of our national hero. In tribute to Dr. Jose Rizal, I would like to highlight one of his famous quote which our leaders/officials in government, parents, elders and teachers always mention: “The Youth is the Hope of our Future” But for the longest time majority of Filipino youth especially children of OFW/OCW growing-up lacks genuine & complete care/love/attention/guidance given only by both parents present. Kids nowadays are spoiled by rich parent, relatives, grandparents, and guardians or yaya. Even with the advent of INTERNET, the idea of separating families apart… Read more »
6777Hayden007Toro8888.99
Guest
6777Hayden007Toro8888.99
I have a friend, who was an OFW. While he was working abroad; his wife found her old boyfriend. When my friend came back; the wife cannot show the amount of money, my friend had remitted, over the years he was working abroad. A quarrel ensued,and they separated. The wife went back to her old boyfriend, leaving their children, in the care of my friend. It is a sad story, but it happened. Husbands and wives not living together, produces many temptations.Besides, the children need both father and mother, to bring them up properly. It is true: “Sapakat kami ay… Read more »
OFW
Guest

Unfortunately, Filipinos over-estimate themselves as having saint-like libido control and virtues. The opposite is true. The OFW phenomenon is to be acknowledged but not to be proud of or praised.

Albert
Guest

It’s easier to magnify the tragic stories pero marami din namang success stories especially for those professionals working in multinational corps overseas. We have friends who stayed with us here on vacation galing Middle East. The guy works for IBM so they have free housing and he was able to move his family with him to Saudi. When they were here, dami yatang pera, walang preno sa gastos. So we enjoyed their vacation.

Saudi Engineer
Guest
I’m afraid the person you are talking about is more of the exception than the rule. I worked for a large chemical company and of the 100 or so Filipinos there, including engineers, chemists and IT people, only the Finance Director (who was friends with the Arab owner of the company) was able to avail of the “Family Status”. Yes, he was able to have a large villa and his family was able to move with him to Saudi (although his kids preferred to study at La Salle in the Phils than at PESA Al Khobar which is not as… Read more »
T
Guest

I consider myself lucky that my kids were born here where i work in the first place.
But truth be told, the “family status” is usually on the company’s initiative. we have nurses, network and biomed techs (yes, matching their iqama professions) that were able to bring their families from the ph here to live their lives properly. Some companies (like Saudia and KAUH) it is relatively easy to do so, but some others (Saudi bin ladin, KFAFH) utterly refuse to grant family status to expats.

Steve
Guest

The OFW extra marital affair phenomenon and the no-divorce laws make for a toxic combination

Propesor Propeta
Guest

Yes, and the telebasura culture, poor school system, lack of parenting, failure of the church, corrupt values make for a culture more toxic than the septic tank under a hospital in China.

OFW Victim
Guest

You got that right.

Vincent
Member
Another disgusting set of people are the irresponsible gays. A few days ago I heard a news that a Filipino man was abducted and raped in a Middle East country. The reason why him? His rapists assumed that he is gay because they thought most Filipino men are based on what they saw in their country. While I think there are gays who are responsible enough to resist temptation, I also know that there are Filipino gays in the Middle East who couldn’t say no their urges. And the man I talked about became a victim of a folly that… Read more »
d_forsaken
Guest

Why did God make women so beautiful and man with such a loving heart?

Juan de la Cruz Jr.
Guest

It is not infidelity if no one knows.

Eddy
Guest

The ones that comes to the West are having a great time socializing everywhere you go and forgetting they have a husband and children back home. I live in Canada and I am amazed how these women loves the freedom, the good life and the attention they get from other men that they never got from their husbands. Almost all of them have a friend/boyfriend on the side who dine and wine with them then they go home and skype their husbands and complained how hard they have to work.

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