In my previous article, there was a commenter there that argued that Filipinos are good at creating opportunities for themselves because they become OFWs. This is despite the fact that those opportunities are not really created by the OFWs themselves but their host countries. Thanks to the media hyping them as “bagong bayani” or modern day heroes, a lot of Filipinos talk as if OFWism is such a great thing and we should all be proud of it. I beg to disagree. There are a lot of social consequences brought about by families being apart for long periods of time, with the children lacking guidance and growing up in an environment with incomplete parental components. I have observed this because I was an OFW myself and have seen how families and individuals behaved both abroad and in the Philippines.
Let me begin with just one of the consequences that people have been trying to hide or are too embarrassed to even admit. I am going to open up a topic that has mostly been just discussed in the form of whispers between groups of idle housewives or in alcohol charged bouts of bragging between “kumpares” about who “scored” yet again.
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Do you really know what happens when you board that plane and sign off one or two years of your life to a job thousands of miles away from your partner? It has been happening since the beginning of the OFW phenomenon and it is just part of human nature that if you feel the itch, you just have to scratch it. If your husband or wife is not there to do the scratching, then your kumpare, kumare or even some random person they meet on line, at work or at the mall will be more than happy to do the job. Not all turn out this way, or this exact way but here is how it typically goes:
THE SEVEN STAGES OF OFW SPOUSAL INFIDELITY
1. The OFW finds a job that pays a wage that would give his or her family a better lifestyle so they tearfully say their goodbyes, renew their promises of love and vow to keep their chastity until the other to returns. The OFW then thinks that everyday, his wife is just longing for the day she will pick him up at the airport while she stares at his pictures every night.
2. The wife then goes out with her friends, each of her “amigas” have boyfriends, husbands or “friends with benefits” while she is by her lonesome trying to ignore the fact that while others have warm bodies around them that they could rub and vice versa, she is on her own with nothing but her cel phone and laptop to warm her up at night. She keeps her libido like a little lizard concealed underneath her blanket hoping it will stay there and never get out until her husband comes back. But that little lizard grows by the day and eventually becomes Godzilla.
3. One of the amigas is a “bad influence” and jokes about how the OFW spouse is “tigang” and she should “take care of her needs”. She just laughs it off and says “kayo talaga” but thoughts come into her mind. They then see the numerous “affair movies” like Ex with Benefits or The Other Woman which trivializes infidelity and helps makes lecherous behavior a norm.
4. A guy gets introduced into the group of friends who is single or has a wife who is an OFW and is also alone. They start talking about how hard it is to be apart from someone you love, how sometimes they argue but she still longs for his arms and stuff like that. She now has a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear but she vows that they should only be “just good friends” because they simply have so much in common. Just friends, just friends, just friends… she repeats like a mantra.
5. They do Karaoke, go out to the beach, have some alcohol, physical activities and something just… kinda happened. They then become a couple and the OFW wife spends her husband’s hard earned money to support her unemployed boy toy and nothing gets saved. They all go to the SoGo establishment where hot nights of schmoozing and oozing take place.
6. The OFW husband then wonders where all the money he sent home went. That is the money he sent home after spending it on dates with his own girlfriend in the country he is in.
7. The kids grow up without a complete set of parents to guide them. If they are boys and their father figure is absent, they become weak willed and lacking in confidence. The girls meanwhile, become slutty and may get pregnant early.
Could the OFW phenomenon be a major contributor as to why the generations of Filipinos are becoming worse and worse? The lack of parental guidance and love seem to have made the youth weak and lacking in intelligence. It has also made our women vulnerable overseas. I am sure no one will say this in polite conversation but it is well known that a lot of Filipina Domestic Helpers in Hong Kong or Singapore are slutting themselves out to Bangladeshi construction workers while their pedicab driving husbands who they remit money to in The Philippines use it for their dates watching the latest Aldub movies with the labandera next door.
Then we have the wife of the high paid OFW in the Middle East or in the high seas who get swept off their feet by their dance instructors or gym trainors paid for by “Katas ng Saudi”.
So next time you think that OFWism is such a good thing, take a closer look at the spouses of OFWs and see what they are doing. You will be surprised. Or not. 😉
I am glad to have the privilege of being able to express my views via the GRP blog. I live in Southern California with my wife and kid and have a business dealing with real property. Between business and family, I amuse myself by observing different cultures and how they influence the destinies of individuals and groups. Thank you for reading.
56 Replies to “The Seven Stages of OFW Spousal Infidelity”
Yup. Pinoys are very good in putting a spin on things and fooling the uto-uto. Just like how they call people who got ravaged by a storm due to lack of preparation RESILIENT or waterproof. They call OFWs new heroes. The children suffer because of your foolishness, Pinoys. Wake up! Bagong Bayani pa more.
They are the new heroes alright…as a cash cow for the oligarch mafias, incompetent government and failipinos of course.
Filipinos love their heroes. They love to either be the hero (more like foolish martyr) or to rely on heroes (take advantage of their foolishness). So it is either you are an OFW slaving away in a foreign land or a relative in the Philippines leeching off such a slave.
More than a little sexist that you suggest that men go overseas, the wives stay home and the wives cheat.
However a very valid point that kids raised by a single parent, or grandparents, do not have the same advantages as kids from a home where both parents are present.
The roles could be switched. The article mentioned: ” Filipina Domestic Helpers in Hong Kong or Singapore are slutting themselves out to Bangladeshi construction workers while their pedicab driving husbands who they remit money to in The Philippines use it for their dates watching the latest Aldub movies with the labandera next door.” and also
“6. The OFW husband then wonders where all the money he sent home went. That is the money he sent home after spending it on dates with his own girlfriend in the country he is in.”
These OFW Filipinas are just sidelining as Prostitutes…additional income. When they come home, they act as if they own everything…buy anything…money flowing like water from them.
Another Pinoy sickness. Pasikat. When they do balikbayan they want to project they succeeded abroad so they take the entire Barangay to a grand fiesta on their Visa cards. They say they are bank managers in America but in reality only ice cream delivery boys.
win-win solution: if you’re gonna be an OFW, bring your family with you.
There are actually OFWs who can bring their family with them called “family status”. These are OFWs in the top management positions in companies. I was an engineer before yet I cannot bring my family with me. Those who do are a very small percentage of OFWs. How can a DH bring their family with them to work for a household in a Hong Kong condo? Or where will a construction worker’s or seaman’s family sleep? In the barracks or the ship? The solution is to find a way to DOMESTICALLY create opportunities so that Pinoys don’t have to suffer OFWism. Remove the 60/40 protectionist provisions of the constitution and encourage foreign investment. Kaso, mahilig bumoto mga Pinoy sa mga oligarko who want to keep the status quo. Aquino pa more. Roxas pa more.
I agree. Although it will take ages to come to a point when the availability of local jobs will balance out with our rabbit-pace multiplying supply of labor.
What PH needs to do is to graduate from sending out domestic helpers, construction workers, and seamen who can’t have families with them.
Fields like IT/software, engineering, design, and management will open the way for OFWs that have better privileges. It will also uplift the general image of PH in the international community.
Well yeah, if the Philgov wants to abolish math subjects and put the focus on singing, dancing and cross-dressing you will have your IT people and engineers alright.
Again your suggestion is so stupid (no offense) and you really don’t understand OFW or OCW situation because you (like Paul Farol) have not experienced working or even to live abroad.
OFW or OCW is actually modern day SLAVERY and NOBODY or very few will offer Family Status. The extra cost of bringing your family will be taken from the profit foreign/local employers or recruiters. And OFW or OCW will never get recognization (by company/government/media) no matter how big or important their work contribution to company profit, Philippine and world economy.
Also the companies would have to sponsor the visas of the family members which is extra cost to them. The availability of the visas are also limited. Imagine if every OFW will bring their families from every country (Filipinos, Indians, Nepalese, Pakistani, Indonesian etc) then the host countries will be overpopulated. That is why they issue visas as much as possible only to the actual worker. I agree too. OFW seems good to those who receive their remittances or goodies from abroad. They do not realize the sacrifices, the loneliness, deprivation, misery and longing (for sons/daughters/spouse) that the OFW feels day in and day out. Of course there are abuses too. Of course, the Philippines’ ineptitude will lead them to praise this OFW phenomenon and sing hallelujas to them as a “PA CONSUELO DE BOBO” so they would feel good while sacrificing themselves to benefit the reptiles back in the Flipland.
Dale, so you think you’re so smart huh?
How do you explain the fact that so many Indians, Chinese and other ASEANs go work abroad tagging their families along with them? What makes you think Paul Farol doesn’t know the OFW situation? I’d be more careful with my words if I were you.
The key word in my statement is the word IF. So IF you can’t bring your family along, then DON’T go work abroad. What’s wrong with the logic? Don’t Pinoys have a choice? The reason why Pinoys are so limited in their options is because they think SMALL. They think something is impossible – Pero possible naman pala.
Companies abroad that hire people usually don’t give a damn what you do with your family. Just ask for certification that you’re employed, and most often then not, you’ll get approval for a visa for wife and children. Immigration is usually soft on dependents of employed.
Your wife can actually also work to double your income. If you work as a factory worker, your wife can work as a stay-out domestic helper. Your children can study free with quality educ/values.
OFW’s are not slaves. Working for Henry Sy’s Megamall is no different than working abroad. You work and get paid, only you get paid more per hour abroad. If you feel abused, then quit and go home. slaves on the other hand don’t have those options.
My ideas here at GRP may be radical, but they are not stupid. Many people thought Elon Musk, Steve Jobs, and Walt Disney were crazy dreamers till they were proven wrong.
Pinoys will conquer and own the world. What if someday 50% of Japan is populated by Pinoys due to the growing labor shortage there. then Pinoys will inherit the third largest economy in the world – like conquering a nation without firing a single shot.
Muslims are now conquering Europe in the same way – foreign workers tagging their families along, multiplying like rabbits. Pinoys will overtake many countries just the same.
What PH needs are radical positive thinkers, not narrow minded losers who think the gates are closed when there’s a key available all along. You won’t feel homesick or miss Pinoy food abroad – trust me. There are what you call Pinoy Churches and Pinoy restaurants in almost every key city around the world – ever heard of that?
I suggest you STOP your campaign against OFW, unless you can provide jobs for our people – not just some fancy ideas that hold no weight. I’m tired of people promising the moon just to turn out to be a dud.
Go abroad guys, and bring your family with you. don’t rot in PH. Do your country and yourselves a favor.
How I wish it were true that if a person is granted a working visa, the family could automatically get theirs. If that were the case I am sure each and every OFW would have their families with them right now in their host countries. I have worked with Indians amd have never seen them abke to bring their families save for some high ranking company exrcutives (1% of their expats). Chinese have a lot of new millionaires and billionaires getting immigrant based investor visas. They canot be compared to OFWs.
The solution lies within every Filipino. Vote right, follow the law, have consideration for one another. If everyone would have that then things will be fine. Unfortunately the culture does not make it happen so people are forced to break apart their families just to survive.
I believe you are a little bit of an optimist hehe but don’t get me wrong I’m not saying your ideas are far fetch, i’ts just there are so many factors that needs to be considered.
First, not all developed countries are open for foreign migration. That is the reason why they issued visas, and there are so many types of visas and they are not that soft about it. Many developed countries still don’t have the capacity to facilitate such influx of migration.
Second, OFW may not be considered as MODERN SLAVERY but they are still subject to discrimination and unfair labor practices. Like not paying their overtime or not compensating enough. This is evident specially those who works as DH or other laborers. It is still happening today but it’s not just much heard of or rather its just ignored.
And lastly without a strong state that can act as a counter balance for investors we will be depleted of our natural resources if we ever fully open our economy without reaping any benefits from it. e.g malampaya.
Balance is the key.
If your single Filipino – try your best to seek employment in your preferred country to settle permanently and marry a local. So you won’t be expolited anymore by employment agency or pay extra to recruiters, POEA, and Philippine government who don’t really care or gives a shit what happen to you.
This is great advice. It is foolish to think that you can be an OFW if you leave a girlfriend or worse, a wife in the Philippines. Just go single and marry someone in the country you work in. Better if you migrate there permanently
Problem is are Flip guys game enough to get the locals? They don’t have much money so that’s one strike against them.
Yup. Filipinos have game. You see Filipinos married to white, black, latina, asians, native americans. I myself am married to a Latina and have past girlfriends of all colors.
Dale, I totally agree. You’re smart after all.
you can rule out any EU country as “your prefered country” with only 1 exception.
If you work for Shell Philippines (in whatever job) and Shel PH sends you to a European country on a temporarily basis then you wwill be granted entry in the EU.
Applying for a job in a EU-country is useless. EU sets rules for people coming from a non-EU country and each EU-member country can have additional rules to which you have to comply. And there is no difference in whether you are married or single or widowed, gay, lesbian, hetero, transgender.
I am sure “your prefered country” is not an Arabic/Islam country so there leaves not many countries (USA, New Zealand, AUS?).
you can rule out any EU country as “your prefered country” with only 1 exception.
If you work for Shell Philippines (in whatever job) and Shell PH sends you to a European country on a temporarily basis – to work for Shell Spain (for instance) – then you will be granted entry in the EU.
And if Shell Philippines dont have a policy that will facilitate that you can go to Spain with your wife and kids, then you will have to go alone.
(For Shell you can read any other company with branches in Europe)
Applying for a job in a EU-country is otherwise useless. EU sets rules for people coming from a non-EU country and each EU-member country can have additional rules to which you have to comply to. And there is no difference in whether you are married or single or widowed, gay, lesbian, hetero, transgender.
I am sure “your prefered country” is not an Arabic/Islam country so there leaves not many countries (USA, New Zealand, AUS?).
Being human is not all about sex
It is. You are not human if you do not crave sex.
Sad truth. However, in fairness to a few, I’ve seen individuals who did extreme things just to keep their promise with their partners at home. They lock themselves alone in their rooms when there is no work just to avoid the temptation.
But there are indeed those that are either easy targets or are making themselves targets, both male and females. They thought infidelity is a victimless crime. I’ve seen and heard stories of shattered families because one of the spouses committed extra-marital sex. In one case, I heard a husband, who is in the Philippines, committed suicide when he learned that his wife had an extra-marital affair with an Arab man. It can’t be denied because it has a video that leaked online at a time when video scandals where popular. And someone I know in a Middle East country is living with a woman who is not his wife risking their jobs and their employers if the police catches them. The guy’s family learned of his affair thus he can’t comeback to the Philippines both to his wife and his parents’ home. He was banished by his wife, children, parents and siblings.
People who are in this kind of relationships doesn’t seem to notice that others tend to avoid them as if there is some kind of negative aura surrounding them. I have yet to meet a couple in this situation that enjoys a normal life. What do I expect? It isn’t normal, anyway.
I know there are different circumstances that triggers one spouse to look for another partner elsewhere but to purposely look for another person to ‘scratch the itch’ while he or she is in a stable relationship for the simple reason that ‘the itch is too much to bear’, well, that is quite disgusting.
In Tagalog: Kapag nangati yan, magpapakamot yan sa iba. People are human after all. The best solution is not to hope not to be led to temptation but to be delivered from evil. Just create opportunities at home. That way, no one would need to go crazy over the lack of sex.
By the way, did I mention that I also notice that those who committed extra-marital affairs that I’ve seen, some, if not all, of them frequently watches tele-novelas and other Filipino love-themed films as if suddenly they feel “binata” or “dalaga” (tapos kikiligin) again forgetting that they have spouses and children in the Philippines? I really wonder if there is a link. Hmm…
There is actually a link. Most of the people I know who watch telenovelas lack “asenso” in their careers. They do not do good jobs, do not get promoted fast enough, unable to save money, do not further their education… the closer they are to Pinoy culture, the less progress they have in life. The presence of telenovelas and TFC in their spare time is a good indicator of how close they are to Pinoy culture. They also wear yellow shirts with philippine maps on the left tit.
With today’s available technology (Skype, cell phones) I am sure most people will have contact with their spouse on almost a daily basis. So I am not afraid that that will happen (cheating) very fast. Problem solved, case closed.
And if one doesnt trust him-/herself then dont go abroad for a longer period of time.
But is Skype and Viber a substitute for an actual romp? They never have and never will be. The problem will never end unless Filipinos (or any human for that matter) suddenly develop saint-like levels of control which will never happen. It is easy to vow to trust one’s self or your partner but when the hormones kick in… you never know until you are in their shoes. This mass separation of families must be put to an end. Humans have limitations and we should acknowledge it. It is better to be delivered from evil than be put to the test, as the prayer goes.
nothing will beat the real thing. But it (Skype) worked for me (while my pinay partner was 10,000 miles away) to stay “sane”. Secondly (but this probably only applies in the west) even married women do have another “best friend” right beside them. Its called a vibrator (and or dildo). Again not the real thing but they rather do that then going astray.
We will never know…
Heh heh heh
What is your GF’s skype ID again?
@ >$29billion annual remitance, Philippines main Export commodity are OFW or OCW – our modern day hero? or a form of slavery? Philippines rank 103 in the 2014 Global Slavery Index
1. Real population control measure (RH Bill is only for show) will never be implemented to maintain a continuous supply of cheap/quality labor and organ/stem cell donor to the world.
2. Our money (Philippine Peso) is backed by the U.S. $ or other Foreign Currency from:
a. Remitances our OFW bring
b. Generated by our BPO (Business Process Outsourcing) or IPO (Industrial Process Outsourcing.
3. Government makes our daily life a worst experience (heavy traffic, transportation/flooding problem, etc.) in-order for us to give-up, temporary seek employment overseas or permanently migrate to other countries. Many of us eventually decide to make sacrifices being away from our family, friends & loveones. Either we end up being discriminated, exploited, raped, abused, jailed, killed, executed, and permanently separated or abandoned our family.
Without these Foreign Currency – our Peso is basically worthless and trading will be difficult or impossible.
I’m totally not against overseas employment, but the part I hate is we Export our Best People (OFW w/c are hard-working, productive, highly skilled & intellectual) to which result to “Brain Drain”. And forever relied on their dollar remittances to fuel our economy. Those left behind (lazy & AMPAW) who are tasked or voted to lead our nation and others are appointed to vital positions in the government.
I spent 3yrs in Malaysia and 5yrs in Japan (every 6 month 1week home visit). And I still choose to stay in Philippines because:
1. I’ll miss and can’t bring my family – parents/relatives, friends, places, foods, drinks and people I like.
2. No matter how great or best you show you will still experience discrimination and gain 2nd/3rd class or Gaijin (Japanese bad word refering to outsiders) status in other countries.
3. “It stands to reason that where there’s sacrifice, there’s someone collecting sacrificial offerings. Where there’s service, there’s someone being served. The man who speaks to you of sacrifice, speaks of slaves and master, and intends to be the master” – Ayn Randolph
4. Song by LUTHER VANDROSS
“I’d rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I’d rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I’d rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I’d rather have the one who holds my heart”
Filipinos are like the Mexicans – they would rather risk their lives and limbs crossing the treacherous deserts of the US than fix the problems in their own country. They are blinded by the “success stories” of those who crossed before them, ignoring the hardships of working here in the US as Illegals. As I have seen, being illegal here is not exactly a “fun” adventure. Ganyan din ang Pinoy, they will try everything and anything just to be able to work overseas, sometimes just for the sake of being called “OFW”. What they don’t seem to realize is that when their contracts expire, the trapos are still gonna be waiting for them. To some, what they really earned slaving overseas are a few years of respectable lifestyle in exchange for uncertain future for their children.
Actually I don’t like to call what OFWs have achieved success. It is just called NORMALCY. Things are so bad in the Philippines that even a normal decent life any human being deserves to have is called success.
No different from being in the Military and on Deployment. 60 to 70% of spouses are going to cheat. The wives are there with kids in hand to see their hubbies cast off or fly away. Once the vessel is out of range (or the plane is in the air, they hustle those kids into the cars, rush to the nearest babysitter, go home to get out of their Sunday Best and get into their CFM outfits, hit the bars and spend the allotment funds shots until they find a temporary replacement for the one who just left.
One of the most foolish things to do is get married while in the military. Your dependa and Jody hitting the sack once you’re underway. Forget about even having a girlfriend. You are a fit man in uniform travelling around the world. Just get as much poontang as you can in every country and if you really want to have crumb crunchers, just get out and then get married.
KABATAAN pag-asa pa ba ng Bayan?
Today, we remember the martyrdom of our national hero. In tribute to Dr. Jose Rizal, I would like to highlight one of his famous quote which our leaders/officials in government, parents, elders and teachers always mention:
“The Youth is the Hope of our Future”
But for the longest time majority of Filipino youth especially children of OFW/OCW growing-up lacks genuine & complete care/love/attention/guidance given only by both parents present. Kids nowadays are spoiled by rich parent, relatives, grandparents, and guardians or yaya. Even with the advent of INTERNET, the idea of separating families apart for a long periods of time in-order to provide for their families and a decent living of their own has a far more greater or sad consequences (permanent effect) on Philippine society.
This may result to deterioration of the most important component of Filipino society – FAMILY. And maybe the main reason why the new generations of Filipino are weak, dumb/stupid or lacking in discipline, intelligence, enthusiasm, creativity, observation and mere common sense.
I have a friend, who was an OFW. While he was working abroad; his wife found her old boyfriend. When my friend came back; the wife cannot show the amount of money, my friend had remitted, over the years he was working abroad.
A quarrel ensued,and they separated. The wife went back to her old boyfriend, leaving their children, in the care of my friend. It is a sad story, but it happened.
Husbands and wives not living together, produces many temptations.Besides, the children need both father and mother, to bring them up properly.
It is true: “Sapakat kami ay tao lamang”, ika nga…people fall into temptations…
Unfortunately, Filipinos over-estimate themselves as having saint-like libido control and virtues. The opposite is true. The OFW phenomenon is to be acknowledged but not to be proud of or praised.
It’s easier to magnify the tragic stories pero marami din namang success stories especially for those professionals working in multinational corps overseas. We have friends who stayed with us here on vacation galing Middle East. The guy works for IBM so they have free housing and he was able to move his family with him to Saudi. When they were here, dami yatang pera, walang preno sa gastos. So we enjoyed their vacation.
I’m afraid the person you are talking about is more of the exception than the rule. I worked for a large chemical company and of the 100 or so Filipinos there, including engineers, chemists and IT people, only the Finance Director (who was friends with the Arab owner of the company) was able to avail of the “Family Status”. Yes, he was able to have a large villa and his family was able to move with him to Saudi (although his kids preferred to study at La Salle in the Phils than at PESA Al Khobar which is not as good as La Salle Zobel so eventually, naghiwalay din). Free housing is usually part of the benefits package even if you are not “family status”. I myself got free housing and a hefty transportation allowance and I can keep the excess. Even across the board with all nationalities (Indian, Pakistani, Malaysian, Egyptian etc) only very few get family status. Isa pa, yung kaibigan mo walang preno sa gastos that is not good. No matter how big your salary and benefits are dapat preno preno din.
I consider myself lucky that my kids were born here where i work in the first place.
But truth be told, the “family status” is usually on the company’s initiative. we have nurses, network and biomed techs (yes, matching their iqama professions) that were able to bring their families from the ph here to live their lives properly. Some companies (like Saudia and KAUH) it is relatively easy to do so, but some others (Saudi bin ladin, KFAFH) utterly refuse to grant family status to expats.
The OFW extra marital affair phenomenon and the no-divorce laws make for a toxic combination
Yes, and the telebasura culture, poor school system, lack of parenting, failure of the church, corrupt values make for a culture more toxic than the septic tank under a hospital in China.
You got that right.
Another disgusting set of people are the irresponsible gays.
A few days ago I heard a news that a Filipino man was abducted and raped in a Middle East country. The reason why him? His rapists assumed that he is gay because they thought most Filipino men are based on what they saw in their country. While I think there are gays who are responsible enough to resist temptation, I also know that there are Filipino gays in the Middle East who couldn’t say no their urges.
And the man I talked about became a victim of a folly that is not of his making but someone else-a fellow Filipino.
Why did God make women so beautiful and man with such a loving heart?
It is not infidelity if no one knows.
The ones that comes to the West are having a great time socializing everywhere you go and forgetting they have a husband and children back home. I live in Canada and I am amazed how these women loves the freedom, the good life and the attention they get from other men that they never got from their husbands. Almost all of them have a friend/boyfriend on the side who dine and wine with them then they go home and skype their husbands and complained how hard they have to work.