3 Rules Of Chivalry In The Modern Age

I’m writing this article in response to the recent incident where a woman bashed a guy over the internet because he didn’t give her his seat when they were on a train. Now the woman did apologize later on which I think was good on her but I don’t think this is the only time it has happened. As a matter of fact, I’ve witnessed similar spectacles in my daily travels and am more than a little disappointed by the way the youth of today behave.

Now, while a lot of people may say that chivalry is dead, I am of the opinion that we should adapt at least a modern form of social chivalry so that we can all progress and prosper together as a society. To be honest, I’m more than a little tired of the selfishness and arrogance displayed by the youths of today, both male and female alike. While I myself cannot be called a proper “gentleman”, I wish to at least share 3 bits of the personal code I live by so that hopefully, some of the youths out there can gain a better understanding of the word “chivalry”.

Also, these are gender neutral as I think that both genders should ascribe to a form of social etiquette instead of the usual “it’s all about me” mentality…

Be Considerate To Less Fortunate Or Disadvantaged People

The latest social media outrage fad: Is chivalry in the age of 'gender equality' dead?
The latest social media outrage fad: Is chivalry in the age of ‘gender equality’ dead?
The thing is, a lot of our youths today simply lack empathy. They don’t seem to care or consider others so long as they get what they want. For instance, I see a lot of youths who are negligent or outright mean to elderly folk and dismissive of people with disabilities.

I’m not requiring anyone to do something they don’t want to but let me offer you guys a little something to think about…

Nothing in this life is guaranteed. Sure, you feel almost invincible now that you’re young, but who’s to say that you’ll feel the same way after a decade or two from now. I’m not wishing ill on any of you of course, but what I’m saying is that you can never really tell when a life-altering event will change you. I’m not scaring you when I say that tragedies are never far around the corner and they can indeed make you rethink your life choices.

I consider myself quite fortunate that nothing bad has happened to me as of yet. However, I must admit that my health wasn’t what it was all those years ago and I’m already experiencing quite a few aches and pains in my body. Oh well, it’s probably just my utter hatred for vegetables and other poor dietary habits catching up to me.

Anyway, what I’m saying is you are just as likely to get injured in such a way that you won’t be able to walk, see or hear things the way you did before. That is why I think it’s very important that you always be kind to others as it can be a very comforting thought that someone might still do the same for you when you experience the same thing.

Lastly, remember that we will all grow old. Unless we die an early death, we will also turn into the old people we are often annoyed and sometimes even disgusted with. Yes, no amount of medicine can really stop one from aging. That is why I think it is imperative that we all set a good example for later youths so that they will also help us when we become old and frail ourselves.

Learn To Respect People Who Don’t Like Or Don’t Agree With You

What is it with our “culture of vendetta”? As a matter of fact, I know more than a few people who hate others just because said others didn’t agree with them or didn’t want to mingle with them. While I’d like to respect everyone’s opinion, we also have to remember that we can’t really please everyone and that we all can’t agree on everything. Someone out there will not be comfortable around you and you just have to learn to respect their private space.

Of course, I’m not asking you to be a doormat to anyone. Indeed, you are entitled to defend yourself when presented with open hostility and antagonism. However, if a person just expresses their disagreement and dislike of you but prefers to stay their distance, there’s no real need to respond with outright hostility. After all, you can just agree to disagree, right?

Indeed, I know a young woman who’s more than a little disdainful of me, but since she has not made any immediate act of hostility, I am willing to be as civil and considerate to her. The world is already filled with unnecessary hostility which all too often escalates into violence. Why should we add more to the misery of others?

While loving one’s enemy may be difficult for a lot of us, respecting them is relatively simple and a mark of true honor.

Do Not Expect Others To Share Or Understand Your Chivalry

The thing about chivalry is the fact that you can’t really expect everyone to have it and that you can’t really demand it from anyone. I treat my code of chivalry the same way I treat my religion. It is something that rests solely with myself and I cannot measure anyone else with it. It is strictly for measuring only myself and no one else. A true mark of chivalry is being an honorable man or woman when everyone else seems to have forgotten the concept of it.

If you really want people to be chivalrous, then perhaps you should start with yourself. Show them honor and perhaps they will learn it from you. Let yourself be an example of what chivalry should be so that others may follow suit.

Demanding honor from someone without actually knowing them only makes you look entitled and conceited. For all you know, that person could have disabilities or is in terrible pain. Would you be happy if someone demanded the same from you even when you have injuries or problems of your own?

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15 Comments on “3 Rules Of Chivalry In The Modern Age”

  1. The 1st couch of the MRT is much worse, the people there don’t offer their seat to the elderly, disabled and pregnant.

    And IMHO, some women go to the other couch instead of the 1st one due to the reason that there is a possibility that someone will offer their seat for them.

  2. There’s a flipside to that “chivalry bashing”. In that most Pinays are very opportunistic in using the gender card when it means getting ahead of everyone. There’s a double standard in gender roles here. I wouldn’t mind standing for the elderly, PWDs or people with kids. But for a relatively healthy young woman who has the option to use the all-female coach and is now giving me the eye to stand up, go eff yourself. I have seen many schmucks doing just that without so much as a nod of acknowledgement from the woman. I have had enough of ungrateful women whose idea of chivalry is entitlement to things that men possess.

        1. I think ChinoF down there got it right, my bad. What I’m saying is that don’t expect other people to have the same kind of ideals that you do.

  3. The concept they use the world “chivalry” for is actually courtesy. “Chivalry” is a Medieval concept, so if you complain that the Philippines is backward because it is so Medieval, then don’t expect chivalry to be applied because it is also Medieval! Courtesy is the more universal concept.

    1. @ ChinoF..
      ‘Chivalry’ is a timeless virtue.. so is ‘courtesy’, by the way. My query was more on ‘Grimwald, who seems to have strayed from his article, (take note of the quotation mark). I agree with the article, really; as ‘chivalry’ does not expect or depend on the object’s manners or frame of mind. It’s just about the ‘chivalrous’ person.. and nothing else.

      1. I’d say chivalry is more a dated concept. But perhaps the essence of it, or another concept called noblesse oblige, is the concept that should stay today.

  4. I was searching for this story 2 days ago and I learned that the social media accounts of the girl were deactivated. But I read a comment from her that though she said she apologized to the guy, much of what she said was an appeal to stop ‘bullying’ and judging her. With what I have read so far, to me, she doesn’t sound so remorseful the way I’m used to on how one asks for forgiveness. Anyway, it’s not my business for I’m not a party to the case and I hope she truly learned her lesson from her mistake and let go of an erroneous expectation of others.

    She is not alone based on my personal experience.

    Somehow I find some women’s (or people’s) concept of ‘chivalry’ can be equated to a form of discrimination. A girl expecting a guy to give his seat to her inside a PUV: kinda reminds me of what I read that back then in the US-if an African-American riding a bus and sees a white American, he or she should give up his/her seat for that white American.

    It is also a burden for me to travel riding the MRT. I have a spine problem and it hurts whenever I stand long (it really stings from Cubao to Ortigas station). But before I ride the MRT, I already conditioned my mind that it’s going to be a rough ride. I’m ready that I’m not going to get a seat in the entire travel. Heck, I’m even ready that it is possible that I’ll be worse sometime within the travel. In short, I’m ready to share the discomfort with the other passengers and will not complain because to me it’s like going to war-why would I complain if there will be bombs and bullets once I stepped in to the battlefield! Why would I make a fellow soldier take a shot for me when all of us is being fired at.

    As GRP’s ChinoF pointed out, the term should be courtesy not chivalry. And it is voluntary. I’m ready to sacrifice my comfort for others only IF and WHEN I want to and I’m not counting on others to do the same to my mother or to my wife. I leave it to the conscience of the other passengers. If I don’t trust it, I’ll go with them so they can have my seat.

    1. Isn’t chivalry a knight’s code of conduct which goes beyond what everyone thinks it stands for? A lot of people thinks it’s all about being a gentleman but it was more about battle etiquette.

      I’ve read her non-apology and she’s only sorry that she was bullied. IIRC she reiterated that she was expecting that someone would give up a seat for her because she was just oh so tired that day. It would have been an apology if she admitted that she was wrong for expecting a man to give up his seat for her or that it goes against every concept of gender equality to have that kind of expectation.

  5. Chivalry was from another era of the past. The world has moved on, Mr. Grimwald. There is now a Womens’ Liberation Movement. They want to be equal footing with men. Do not live in the past.

    If you live in the past era; you would be like those ISIS Jihadists; who think that we are still the 7th century, when their “Prophet Mahammad” led a brigand of followers to conquer Mecca, Saudi Arabia.

    This is the reason we have terrorists, who kill innocent infidels; blow themselves up, in the hope of going to Paradise with 72 virgins , as rewards.

    Don’t be another : “Rip Van Winkle”…move on with the times…no matter how nasty, it is..

    1. Perhaps so. However, I still think the three points above need to be considered by the youths of today. Though whether or not you call it “chivalry” is up to you.

  6. It is hard to feel safe and comfortable when the only measures for what is safe and comfortable are normative ideas you don’t abide by.

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