Pnoy died alone.
One of the richest and most powerful men in this country presumably closed his eyes for the last time, breathed his last breath, and slipped into the long silent sleep.
His driver says he did so peacefully.
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But perhaps he was only being respectful as servants are expected to be respectful.
How much of it was out of love? How much of it was out of fear? How much of it was simply following some the admonishment we get as kids to be on our best behavior when in public? How much of it was intentionally worded so as not to hurt those closest to him?
It would have been appalling if the driver had said that Pnoy died with his teeth clenched and his eyes wide open, bulging from its sockets just a few steps away from his security detail.
Of the cause of her brother’s death, his sister told the public that Pnoy died from “renal disease secondary to diabetes” which glosses over the details of how one dies when they “skip” dialysis.
Part of me wants to go along with the charade of Pnoy’s peaceful death, but another part of me just can’t abide by polite untruths — though I understand why such are said in public.
You’ll still read common folk’s social media posts about how one or another relative suffered from diabetes, heart disease, and renal failure.
But Pnoy and his family are not the kadiri, vulgar common folk. Never were, never will be. (Though they make a spectacle of showing that they can sometimes do as common folk do in order to be relatable.)
So, you probably won’t hear about how Pnoy suffered from his siblings and relatives.
I personally have witnessed the years of suffering of one who had to undergo years of regular and frequent dialysis. I really can’t say it was peaceful for the most part.
People who lived with that person and took turns caring for him would have good, bad, and awful days depending on what state that person was.
A telling clue to how Pnoy was during his last few days saw its way to publication. It was his caregiver who said that she had asked Pnoy’s guards, “Namuyat ba?”
I wouldn’t be surprised if his caregiver also had a difficult time making sure Pnoy drank just the right amount of water or made sure to measure the volume of his urine. I imagine she would have had to bear bouts of hearing Pnoy complain about being thirsty all the time or insist on eating certain kinds of food he was prohibited from eating.
There would have been all sorts of aches and itches.
Another telling clue was that Pnoy’s caregiver said that she found him in his reclining chair and not in his bed.
Those with serious heart ailments and renal diseases, are said to complain of being unable to sleep lying down their back or on their side. They were only able to get some sleep while in lying in a reclined position in bed, with their upper torso propped up or elevated above their legs.
It’s pretty much an all you can eat buffet of aches and pains for the one who has to live with regular dialysis. So much so, it can sometimes make them wish out loud for death.
Yesterday, I read Bobby Tiglao’s post asking why none of those nearest and dearest to Pnoy were by his side during his final hours.
It isn’t a mystery and nothing is suspicious about Pnoy being alone in his final hours.
Thing is, his many discomforts might have made him too difficult for those close to him to bear or knowing he might be a burden, he might have chosen to seclude himself to spare others.
Some people choose to suffer alone and it is understandable because seeing your loved ones suffer with you might be too painful.
Not everyone can endure taking care of the critically ill, especially when they argue bitterly with you or get into a terrifying mean fits.
At the end of the day, as Pnoy would presage some kind of profundity, we can only wish to die peacefully holding our loved ones in hour hands…