Episode X: Mar Mar Binks Runs for President

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In a galaxy not so far away…

light_sabres

(Scene: the planet Pailofbeans. A great hall. Two Jedi, a Master and his Padawan, are talking)

Master Englund: You seem troubled my young padawan.

Padawan: Yes, Master Englund. I am confused. Chaos abounds in the Republic. Our senate is ineffective and corrupt. We used to be the second richest planet in the Federation, but now we have been overtaken by all the other planets. Our people are starving and have no jobs. They sell themselves to slavery in other planets just to feed their family back home.

Sigh, that is true. I share your confusion and distress, my padawan. But you must believe in Da Poerce.

Da Poerce? What is that, Master?

Da Poerce binds us all, it unites us whatever our income class, A, B, C, D or E. If we believe in the Poerce, and follow it, there is hope. Otherwise, the Dark Side wins.

I don’t know, Master. I kind of like Mar Mar Binks…

Mar Mar Binks! Don’t make me laugh. He is a buffoon; a pretender he is.  He means well, but he is a buffoon nonetheless. He claims credit for the accomplishments of others. Turns out he is not even a Jedi Master, as he and his team have led us all to believe. He only finished the undergraduate degree at Jedi school. He is a mere padawan like yourself. Sorry indeed is the state of the Republic when creatures like him rise to the top due to family, connections and gold.

He means well, Master. It is not his fault that every time he opens his mouth stupid things come out.

Well, it is not his fault that his ears are so big, he trips over them all the time either. My point is you must know yourself to be a leader. He has no motive but pride. He could be a nice shopkeeper, maybe even an advisor, instead he wants to be Chancellor of the Republic. Hay naku! Already, he is in trouble with Darth Terte regarding an argument about myths.

Darth Terte is scary, Master. He threatened to bitch slap Mar Mar, and so then Mar Mar said why don’t we have fisticuffs instead, to which Darth Terte said why don’t we shoot at each other with blasters instead? It has escalated so much, the last I heard they were going to have a light saber duel at the town plaza tomorrow. What do you think about Darth Terte, Master?

Well I know enough to avoid a light saber duel with him. He is unpredictable, that one, with his warrior image, rough speech and passion for the Republic. Some say he wants to abolish the Senate and change our form of government into a more efficient and caring one. There is no question our Senate has been overrun and corrupted by the traders and cartels, and Mar Mar is their puppet. Terte wants to form a true Federation where each planet runs itself, instead of being run from afar by the Imperial Senate.

Oh, you mean Federalism?

Uh, yes. You are wise beyond your years.

Master, actually I must confess my confidence in Mar Mar has been shaken. He said he follows the straight path but then he staffed Comelec with bounty hunters and disqualified Da Princess from running. He has other bounty hunters singing and dancing for him, doing fist bumps, while he pretends to direct traffic, and lies on top of a block of carbonite. And those annoying droids! Laz Yerda, Abi Valtey and MLQ3PO, they keep on shouting his praises and attacking other candidates.

Aye, some people will stop at nothing to win. Remember, that is not the way of the Jedi. If you cheat and sacrifice your honor, in fact you have lost more than you think you have won. I trust our people can tell who speaks from the heart, and who are just paid bounty hunters.

That is deep, Master. But our elite have gone deaf and blind. Some of them choose to believe everything is fine, and that all the Republic needs is more time, more patience, and six years of Mar Mar Binks as president. They ignore the poor, the hungry, the people lining the streets very late at night unable to get home due to lack of basic transportation.

Yes, I am sad and disillusioned. Many of them are friends of mine from the last people power rally. The best minds of our universities, our society, but they choose to act like Wookies and be blindly loyal to Mar Mar and to the straight path party.

What about the other candidate, B9?

Ah, some say he is with the Dark Side. The really DARK Dark side. He is accused of being corrupt. But I tell you, if Da Princess and Darth Terte are destroyed by the bounty hunters, I would sooner vote him than Mar Mar.

Master! A corrupt B9! How can you even think that?

Better just corrupt, than corrupt AND incompetent! There would be no other choice. Or else, I will just exile myself to my private island and work on my blog www.notesfrommyphilippineisland.wordpress.com. Play a lot of video games and drink a lot of Emperador and Don Papa Rum.

I don’t know, Master. (Shakes head) I am still scared of Da Princess, Darth Terte, and B9. That is why I cling to the Straight Path party, even though I know they are not that straight.

What you are afraid of is CHANGE, my young padawan. Remember you what my master taught me–fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to…

Suppering!

Suppering? Oh, I forget you are Pinoy and have a tendency to switch your f’s and p’s around. Anyway, you just reminded me (smacks padawan’s head on the backside). Go fetch my dinner.

Yes, Master E!

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14 Comments on “Episode X: Mar Mar Binks Runs for President”

  1. BWAHAHAHA. BRILLIANT!! One million likes.

    We don’t have Jedis running, just G-dhays and G-dhoys. But, if Da Poerce is allowed to take its normal course, it looks like Darth Terte will be next president. That has been the voting pattern — the pendulum swings wildly. FVR was anti-Cory, or anti-naivete. Erap was anti-intellectualism. GMA was anti-stupidity. PNoy was suppossed to be anti-corruption, but he wasn’t. So, Darth Terte is now the one perceived as the most anti-hypocrisy.

    Mar Mar will have to eliminate Darth Terte via Comelec. They are now successful with Da Princess — wish they didn’t do that. She would have been a good addition to the debates. In fact, they should not eliminate anybody as each could act as a good filtering agent — eventual winner should go through the grinder.

    If they eliminate the two front-runners, it will be B9 versus Mar Mar. B9 wins. You are correct: “Better just corrupt, than corrupt AND incompetent!”. Corruption by the yellows make those in the Martial Law years look like angels and amateurs per WB figures. Problem is B9 (so, is Da Princess) is still very much a yellow — it will still be the perpetuation of the yellow folicies, and that means the foor will get foorer; the rich, richer.

    If Mar Mar runs unopposed, Unopposed still wins. There will be Fipol Fower. How can Mar Mar win, when he has no identity of his own. Everybody was surprised that topic re Wharton touched a sensitive nerve. Now, we know why, he was pretending to be with an MBA or an MS Economics. Now, it is confirmed he is just an undergrad, his pretensions as an economists has been exposed. Stupid, he does not know his Sun Tzu. He does not know when to enter or not enemy territory. And now that he is in the territory of Darth Terte, Darth Terte is juggling with him, expertly. Darth Terte is a master of hyperboles and he even juggles the media; no way can Mar Mar win in that territory — or for that matter, in any territory. Mar Mar is a lost cause for the yellows have lost their cause a long time ago. Thanks to PNoy, now we know.

    Fipol, here is another MUST READ >> Yen Makabenta’s fantastic 2-part column “The Philippines is an Onion” >> http://goo.gl/FOOxcf and http://goo.gl/DxN3v1 <<

  2. Hail and Greetings from the Grey Knight Chapter of the Adeptus Astartes of Holy Terra…

    You and your student have been found trespassing on our territories and while standard procedure would require us to destroy you, we have overheard your conversation and believe that you can still be negotiated with…

    Master Englund, I am Justicar Grimwald of the Grey Knights and I regret to inform you that you and your student are in the WRONG galaxy.

    THIS is the galaxy you are currently in:

    http://getrealphilippines.com/2015/02/pinoy-40k-did-games-workshop-just-spoof-the-philippines/

    When you said that “Chaos” is loose in the Republic, you are correct in a way you cannot even begin to fathom. Darth Terte is no Sith Lord, he is in fact a champion of an entity called Khorne, a god of sorts dedicated to hatred and bloodshed. Your “Princess” is a chosen of Slaanesh, an entity that represents excessive pleasure. B9 is an annointed one of Nurgle, a god who is essentially the embodiment of despair, disease and dependency. Mar Mar Binks is a Daemon Prince of Tzeentch, a monstrous deity dedicated to deception and scheming.

    You have been warned Master Englund. We are providing you and your apprentice with a shuttle so that you may leave within the next 24 hours. We do not want you to get caught in what we are about to do here.

    My battle brothers and I have been called here by Grand Inquisitor Santiago of the Ordo Maelleus, an organization dedicated to hunting down daemons in the name of the Imperium of Man. We are here to perform the rites of Exterminatus. To purge this world of the Taint of Chaos in a very violent and explosive manner.

    We will begin soon Master Englund. I hope you heed our warning and leave immediately. There is nothing here for you and your apprentice anymore.

        1. However, I regret to inform you that we do not have sour cream and onion powder for our popcorn. All we have are either cheese or barbecue powder. I hope you can settle for them.

  3. May the Farce(force) be with you! Here comes Dark Vhader, you forgot him as a contender. He ruled the Planet Makati; and allegedly ran away with the Planetary Funds. Dark Vhader is still alive and kicking. Although, they want him to be exiled in a far far away Galaxy…

    Dark Forces are still ruling the Galaxy!

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