Episode X: Mar Mar Binks Runs for President

In a galaxy not so far away…


(Scene: the planet Pailofbeans. A great hall. Two Jedi, a Master and his Padawan, are talking)

Master Englund: You seem troubled my young padawan.

Subscribe to our Substack community GRP Insider to receive by email our in-depth free weekly newsletter. Opt into a paid subscription and you'll get premium insider briefs and insights from us.
Subscribe to our Substack newsletter, GRP Insider!
Learn more

Padawan: Yes, Master Englund. I am confused. Chaos abounds in the Republic. Our senate is ineffective and corrupt. We used to be the second richest planet in the Federation, but now we have been overtaken by all the other planets. Our people are starving and have no jobs. They sell themselves to slavery in other planets just to feed their family back home.

Sigh, that is true. I share your confusion and distress, my padawan. But you must believe in Da Poerce.

Da Poerce? What is that, Master?

Da Poerce binds us all, it unites us whatever our income class, A, B, C, D or E. If we believe in the Poerce, and follow it, there is hope. Otherwise, the Dark Side wins.

I don’t know, Master. I kind of like Mar Mar Binks…

Mar Mar Binks! Don’t make me laugh. He is a buffoon; a pretender he is.  He means well, but he is a buffoon nonetheless. He claims credit for the accomplishments of others. Turns out he is not even a Jedi Master, as he and his team have led us all to believe. He only finished the undergraduate degree at Jedi school. He is a mere padawan like yourself. Sorry indeed is the state of the Republic when creatures like him rise to the top due to family, connections and gold.

He means well, Master. It is not his fault that every time he opens his mouth stupid things come out.

Well, it is not his fault that his ears are so big, he trips over them all the time either. My point is you must know yourself to be a leader. He has no motive but pride. He could be a nice shopkeeper, maybe even an advisor, instead he wants to be Chancellor of the Republic. Hay naku! Already, he is in trouble with Darth Terte regarding an argument about myths.

Darth Terte is scary, Master. He threatened to bitch slap Mar Mar, and so then Mar Mar said why don’t we have fisticuffs instead, to which Darth Terte said why don’t we shoot at each other with blasters instead? It has escalated so much, the last I heard they were going to have a light saber duel at the town plaza tomorrow. What do you think about Darth Terte, Master?

Well I know enough to avoid a light saber duel with him. He is unpredictable, that one, with his warrior image, rough speech and passion for the Republic. Some say he wants to abolish the Senate and change our form of government into a more efficient and caring one. There is no question our Senate has been overrun and corrupted by the traders and cartels, and Mar Mar is their puppet. Terte wants to form a true Federation where each planet runs itself, instead of being run from afar by the Imperial Senate.

Oh, you mean Federalism?

Uh, yes. You are wise beyond your years.

Master, actually I must confess my confidence in Mar Mar has been shaken. He said he follows the straight path but then he staffed Comelec with bounty hunters and disqualified Da Princess from running. He has other bounty hunters singing and dancing for him, doing fist bumps, while he pretends to direct traffic, and lies on top of a block of carbonite. And those annoying droids! Laz Yerda, Abi Valtey and MLQ3PO, they keep on shouting his praises and attacking other candidates.

Aye, some people will stop at nothing to win. Remember, that is not the way of the Jedi. If you cheat and sacrifice your honor, in fact you have lost more than you think you have won. I trust our people can tell who speaks from the heart, and who are just paid bounty hunters.

That is deep, Master. But our elite have gone deaf and blind. Some of them choose to believe everything is fine, and that all the Republic needs is more time, more patience, and six years of Mar Mar Binks as president. They ignore the poor, the hungry, the people lining the streets very late at night unable to get home due to lack of basic transportation.

Yes, I am sad and disillusioned. Many of them are friends of mine from the last people power rally. The best minds of our universities, our society, but they choose to act like Wookies and be blindly loyal to Mar Mar and to the straight path party.

What about the other candidate, B9?

Ah, some say he is with the Dark Side. The really DARK Dark side. He is accused of being corrupt. But I tell you, if Da Princess and Darth Terte are destroyed by the bounty hunters, I would sooner vote him than Mar Mar.

Master! A corrupt B9! How can you even think that?

Better just corrupt, than corrupt AND incompetent! There would be no other choice. Or else, I will just exile myself to my private island and work on my blog www.notesfrommyphilippineisland.wordpress.com. Play a lot of video games and drink a lot of Emperador and Don Papa Rum.

I don’t know, Master. (Shakes head) I am still scared of Da Princess, Darth Terte, and B9. That is why I cling to the Straight Path party, even though I know they are not that straight.

What you are afraid of is CHANGE, my young padawan. Remember you what my master taught me–fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to…


Suppering? Oh, I forget you are Pinoy and have a tendency to switch your f’s and p’s around. Anyway, you just reminded me (smacks padawan’s head on the backside). Go fetch my dinner.

Yes, Master E!