It’s really sad that there’s barely any intellectual debate when it comes to Pinoy politics. Truth be told, in more developed countries, the primary strategy in politics involves promising a good strategy for the improvement of the country as a whole but here in the Philippines, it’s more about entertaining the people and distracting them from the harshness of reality. More often than not, as long as people don’t have a clear idea of what they’re doing and where they’re going, any charlatan of a politician has a chance of winning no matter how utterly corrupt, perverted or stupid they are.
Now, the media has a lot to do with that but I think I’ve already said plenty about it. So no, this article won’t be about the Pinoy media again. So yes stout defenders of Pinoy media, I’m cutting you some slack for now.
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For now, I’m just going to warn people about the common tricks used by politicians in order to get votes. Enumerating them as is can be more than a little boring and repetitive, so I’m going to make this article (or rant, if you prefer) as interesting and entertaining as I can. So get ready readers, I have a feeling you’re going to like this.
Over the years, I cannot help that typical Pinoy politicians (or “trapos”) as they are often called, rely heavily on 5 overused strategies or “cards” if you will. I’m sure you’re familiar with at least some of them and there might actually be more than just 5 now that I think about it. However, these 5 are by far the most common and the most obvious.
So prepare yourself reader because it’s time to duel!
The Popularity Card
I will place the Popularity Card in the attack position! Using it’s powerful attack, I can rake in the votes of thousands!
Explanation: This is by far the most widely used card when it comes to Pinoy politics. By simply being popular, some people can become politicians even if they barely have any idea what it means to be a politician. For instance, one need not look further than Lito Lapid who, despite not being able to speak English (and can barely speak good Tagalog in his films unless he has some kind of script which he butchers anyway) has become like a mushroom in the senate. By this, I mean, almost entirely useless save for a few trivial laws that a smart teen could probably come up with. And don’t get me started on Manny Pacquiao who has only attended congress for a measly 4 days and intends to become a congressman as well.
The Family Card
I will use my Family Card to boost my attack by a hundred points! Now, by sending my Family Card to the graveyard, I can double my attack power and ensure my victory!
Explanation: This is another fairly common and often infuriating ploy used by many Pinoy politicians. By simply being related to a given politician, or at least associated with them, one can secure the votes of many. As I’ve said before, while we are supposedly a democracy, majority of Pinoys behave like the denizens of a medieval fiefdom, beholden to the nobles whom they see as gods. It’s really amazing just how some Pinoys act more like dogs eager to please their often negligent or even cruel masters who are only in power because of the very people oppress. This is especially effective when a family member of considerable fame or power passes away. As highlighted by many memes of Facebook, the loss of Ninoy paved the way for Cory’s presidency and Cory’s death was what ultimately allowed Noynoy to become our president today.
The Freebie Card
I will place my Freebie Card in the defense position! With this card, I can defend myself from any kind of competition!
Explanation: The thing is, Pinoys tend to confuse the word “good” with words like “free” or “easy”. That is why there are so many politicians like the Binays who make it into power despite their shady background and utterly corrupt activities. As long as they give freebies to people, voters are quick to assume that they are “good” because they’re making their lives easier, at least temporarily, without ever realizing the consequences of voting such people in power can have detrimental results for the nation as a whole. This also ties in with the Pinoy concept of “utang na loob” wherein, since the politician in question did for them a favor, they must return it by voting for them.
The Blame Card
Using the Blame Card, I will be able to defend myself from any attack and ensure my victory! No one can defeat me as long as the Blame Card is in play!
Explanation: Aha, this is a card I’ve seen all too often. By playing the blame game, some politicians can try to absolve themselves of any past issues and mistakes. By blaming others, many politicians are able to keep their own reputations clean and not have to face any kind of responsibility or accountability. Never mind that innocent people have been slaughtered, as long as there are people like Ferdinand Marcos and Gloria Arroyo to blame, some politicians are able to go scot-free and even go on to recommend others who are every bit as irresponsible and grandiose as they are.
The God Card
Using the God Card, I can become unbeatable! No one can counter the God Card so I’ve officially won this battle!
Explanation: I’ve already talked about this, but I think it needs to be mentioned again for emphasis. See, a lot of politicians (and their supporters) like to use the name of God to justify much of what they do. Does the candidate in question even know what it means to be a politician? Does the candidate in question have any real idea how to improve the country? Does the candidate in question have a sound mind? None of that matters as long as they claim to be sent by God!
When will our people ever learn?
Oh, and please feel free to add more in the comments section…
I end my turn!
[Image courtesy Pinoy Monkey Pride.]
I HAVE RETURNED TO LAY WASTE TO OUR ENEMIES!
18 Replies to “5 Typical Pinoy Political Tricks To Watch Out For”
I am rich and smart Apo Macoy Marcos with my Masagana99 agrarian reformed legacy of converting a quarter of a million peasants than you poor dumbdowning of Pnoys into 32 madpnoy kulangkulang99 third world status of pagpageaters and cemetery dwellers, with the blessings of cardinal kasalanan and dumbdowning dandding couangco trichkery shots of seargeant Martinez and Rolando galman, who was an hacienda luisita self interest, you are not worthy for a Pilipino to die for.
May I add 3 to your list Grimwald…
“pervert card” :
Explanation: “I’m thrice as bad a pervert as you all are so Vote Me and keep the happy days rolling (tuloy ang maliligayang araw)”
“Poor card” :
Explanation: “I started out poor and still look dirt poor. Therefore I will defend and fight for the rights of the poor (while I make a killing enriching myself behind your backs)”
Explanation : “I’m stupid so I for sure will not have the brains enough to rip you off (without getting caught)”
You’re doing it wrong Zaxx. Type it like you’re playing Yu-Gi-Oh! You know, hammy and excited. And when you’re finished you add: “I end my turn!”
I summon the “Man of Steal” monster (Poor card with 1000 attack points)!!!
I end my turn!
THERE YOU GO!
There is also a sixth (6th) and seventh (7th) political tricks to watch out for:
6th: The Sympathy Card (“Paawa Effect”): feigning to be victims of unfortunate circumstance to win sympathy from others.
7th: Get Out of Jail Card (“Dedma” or “Pasensya Na Po” tactic): pretending to feign innocence of any selfish and malicious intent towards others when caught or exposed.
Mind you, these 6th and 7th political tricks are characteristically Filipino and are not just limited to our conniving politicians, but strategically used by all Filipinos in their daily lives.
Please type it like a Yu-Gi-Oh! character. Start by shouting the card’s abilities and effects and end your post with an: “I end my turn!”
@ Grimwald, you missed a few: One being the Manila based Filipino Car dealer that sells a car, steals it back and sells it again….in Mindanao.Yes, it happens and with motorcycles especially.Targeting Ex-pats….and dumb girls with rich Daddy’s.
In 2004 I had some guy in BF Resorts, Las Piñas try to sell me a map to a place where I could find some of the Yamashita gold stolen by Marcos. I said to my wife, “If he has a map to the gold why is he driving an owner type jeep with bald tires?”
if he has the map, why doesn’t he use it himself? the nerve of the guy to think that you are stupid enough to believe it, is astonishing.
The reluctant card – I just had to answer their clamor for me to serve.
The article, plus the suggestions here – makes for a wonderful masterpiece!
For those who would like to comment, please imitate the following so you don’t ruin the mood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FW0CwWXeL0o
Activating 2 Trap Cards,
The Not-so-subtle Campaign Card. Even though it is not yet campaign season, many politicians waste money on Ads (and steal them back later) to show how “pure” they are or by using catchy songs to show that they are the “hope” of the nation.
The Purity Card, where instead of answering criticisms against them, or at least show their platforms, they would say that at least they are “purer” or “nicer” than their opponents.
“Screw the rules, I have money”
– Yugioh Abridged Kaiba
End of turn
Not-so-subtle Campaign card, at the cost of 500 life points (aka money), my monster increases its attack.
Purity Card, immediately stops the attack of the opponent, and immediately ends the turn.
As for the “God Card”; how do these politicians know, or the political candidates know; they are not suffering from mental illness? Hearing voices; seeing thing; and other external/internal experiences coming from a”Divine Being” could be a symptom of mental illness.
I firmly, do not believe these people are saintly; or are Prophets of God…to hear some revelations, or become bearer of messages from God…
The scary part ,for an Ex-pat, is that being a mid-level citizen in a 1st world country, puts that person in the top 10% of wealth in a country like the FAILS. To not realize that and not protect ones-self is a breach of security that can be serious even fatal.
Ex-Pats in the FAILS are targets and IDGAS what anyone sez,its true.
EX-PATS:PROTECT YOURSELF AT ALL TIMES.
Voting is not a right. It is a method used to determine which politician was most able to brainwash you.