Swim With Sharknado

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Supertramp

 

 

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Do not miss this cinematic tour de force.

Do not miss this cinematic tour de force.

Life is weird. Maring has caused havok in the region with floods. Many taxpayers in this country are angry over the pork barrel kerfuffle. Someone close to me is off on a training trip that she is not particularly fond of. In the meantime I am off work today and I watched Sharknato and decided to write about it.

 

I know you are expecting more from Get Real Philippines so I will give you my token pork barrel thought. I have no idea why many people are looking to Noynoy to get rid of the pork barrel? Noynoy depends on the Pork barrel the same way Samson depended on his long hair, the same way Thor depended on his hammer, the same way Dirk Diggler depended on his… well you get the idea.

 

The Pork Barrel practice has been going on a long time. I have no idea who does not believe there is some financial atrocities going on with it. There will come a time when Noynoy will try to convince you that he is a virgin in a brothel considering his litany of daang matuwid at every turn. If the pork barrel was a gravy train, I find it hard to believe that the whole time Noynoy was in Congress and in the Senate that he was not on that train. Yet he promised in 2010 that he would stop that train.

 

This can't be good for Los Angeles.

This can’t be good for Los Angeles.

Now to the good stuff. Today August 19 , Manila had really bad weather. Bad weather is essential to the “plot” of Sharknado. A freak storm or succession of storms leads to a whole lot of sharks infesting the Los Angeles area. Not just the beach Beverley Hills and a whole lot of other places inland.

 

What happens next could be considered spoilers but I will not give away the end. Also know that Sharknado is practically spoiler proof. I got tempted to somehow acquire this movie listening to the star Ian Ziering (yes that Ian Ziering) practically give away the ending on the Dan Patrick Show.  It did not detract from my enjoyment one iota. If anything it made me more curious how would they pull it off.

 

If you are looking for logic, depth , realism, great performances, scary lifelike monsters and great effects you are slightly better off looking for them on the Senate floor. Sharks invade bars, cars and now they even eat guitars ( with apologies to Deborah Harry and Blondie)  I just find it weird a hurricane and tornadoes bring all sorts of sharks into a city and nothing else. No coral, seaweed, license plates or rowboats.

 

What violent movie or show did not have cannon fodder?

What violent movie or show did not have cannon fodder?

The movie throws almost every cliche at you. A family torn apart and still fighting despite the strange deadly circumstance they are brought into. The character with the grudge against the threat. The expendable characters similar to the Star Trek red shirts. Inanimate big thing is rolling down the boardwalk and instead of getting out of the way, the panicking crowd just remain in it’s path.

 

Recognizable names in the cast besides 90210’s Ian Ziering are John Heard (Cat People, Heaven Help Us, Home Alone) and American Pie’s Tara Reid who looked a bit like Lisa Hartman. The real stars of the movie besides the sharks and the storms are all the people who ask for it and get it within two seconds of asking for it. This movie will not be winning any Oscars or even Emmys since it is a made for TV movie.

are those sharks

Do not for a second expect Sharknado to play by the rules of nature or physics just like a Quiapo jeepney driver. Sharks are always deadly in the water. In Sharknado they somehow become deadlier on land or in the air. You would assume it is the tornado keeping them up in the air but a shark will fall to earth and deviate from it’s “path” when shot by a hand gun. Tornadoes can be stopped at their tracks with a well placed bomb. Sharknado asks you to suspend your belief on a lot of things. Which makes it very similar to our national elections every three years. The climactic battle is indeed a sight to behold and my words can never do it justice.

 

Sharknado is not American Beauty or Titanic. It’s not even Towering Inferno or Poseidon Adventure. It is just a fun hour and a half. Sharknado’s strength lies in the fact that it knows what it is. It is not Saving Private Ryan nor is something out of the Discovery Channel. This movie did not set box office records because it never even made it there. Sharknado is the little engine that could because it knows what it is. Unlike someone who never did anything noteworthy his whole adult life and yet promised to get rid of both corruption and poverty if elected.

 

 

 

Sharknado will hopefully rerun locally on the SyFy channel

 

7 Replies to “Swim With Sharknado”

  1. a well written piece man. i like the way you compare sharknado to our current situation…i was laughing my ass off…i really hope we could we wake up to the reality and really have the balls to change things for the better.

    1. Sharknado is proof that some things are meant to be funny and are harmless. Our current situation is funny at times but so disturbing since it affects generations.

  2. This cinematic feature should not be compared to it’s earlier counterpart, Fudgenado. Where a ruthless tornado consisting of pure rich choco fudge & walnuts the size of Milton Berle’s testicles wreck havoc & mayhem, albeit, that of the tasty variety, on Hoboken. As the citizens run in droves to take cover, the Fudgenado follows them from behind endlessly, wrecking gaping havoc & dark eViL as it leaves no man, woman or midget safe from it’s path of delicious yet dangerous destruction.

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