What it means to have a healthy secular regard for gay people


The whole issue around the way society regards homosexuals seems to come down to a fundamental confusion between the way we personally feel about homosexuality (and certain sexual preferences that define the very term) and how we should be regarding a person who happens to be a homosexual.

Personally, the idea of engaging in a male homosexual act is deeply revolting to me in much the same way as I am repulsed by the idea of having sex with my mother or sister. That’s my psyche and physiology talking — the complex interplay of the way my brain is wired, my internal body chemistry, and the attitudes I was raised with makes me heterosexual in orientation and non-incestuous by nature. Thus, I cannot help how I feel about male homosexual acts in much the same way that homosexuals cannot help how they feel about homosexual acts.

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According to the latest science, this “orientation” traces its roots to our genetic makeup and is presumably heritable to some extent. The dominance of heterosexual orientation is likely an outcome of evolution that ensures that we propagate the species by mating with the opposite gender of our species and that we ensure robust genetic diversity by not mating with close relatives.

The way we personally feel about homosexuality need not necessarily extend to the way we should regard homosexuals. Homosexuality is a condition. A homosexual is a person. A condition and a person are two different concepts and shouldn’t be muddled together into a blanket judgment imposed on other people. The way we personally feel about a condition does not necessarily make justifiable feeling the same way about a person to whom said condition is inherent.

Last I heard, too, a person’s sexuality is a private matter so long as the way said sexuality is consummated does not impinge on another individual’s personal rights. Some homosexuals may define themselves by their homosexuality in a way they personally see fit or in the way stereotypical standards prescribe, say by being “effeminate”, having a taste for the colour fuschia, or being a fan of ABBA songs (or any combination of these among other things).

This is not too different with the way some heterosexual men are hung up on being “macho” and some heterosexual women are hung-up on being “lady-like”; or the way some guys label themselves a “boob guy” and some women see themselves as being suckers for “sensitive new-age guys”. But then a lot of people don’t wear their sexuality on their sleeves and often it is prudent to assume that people prefer that their sexuality not be made a topic in a cocktail party.

In short, I can’t pretend to be a big fan of male homosexuality for the simple reason that I’d rather not harbour an overly graphic picture in my mind of what male homosexuals do with their partners between the sheets. But I respect homosexuals as people and being such — i.e., people — I believe they are entitled to all the rights that people in a modern society enjoy. Some of them also make very good friends. That does not mean, however, that the reality of our biological or physiological nature should be sacrificed on the altar of political correctness. To do so misses the whole point of what it means to respect — and embrace — one another’s unique characters and preferences. Respecting individuals is not the same as pretending that differences between genders and character variations across the range of sexual orientation and preferences do not exist.

36 Replies to “What it means to have a healthy secular regard for gay people”

  1. As much as I want to understand about this article. I get a little bit of confusion on your conclusion at the end part. I hope you had explained it in a way readers could easily understand, but nice article, such a big mind! 🙂

  2. Like jojo, I also am confused on how to read this Blog.

    You accept homosexuals as human beings but not by how they to consume/consumate their relationhship, right? What about lesbians? Did you ever want your – female – partner to penetrate you anally by using a strap-on dildo or even a vibrator or is that thought also repulsing?

  3. It seems to me that your ideas about male homosexuals are identical as those of a very well known american singer and also a member of LDS-church (Mormon). He stated once that he has male homosexual friends and that he is fine with them as long as they dont excercise their physical love. To me that is the same as saying that heterosexuals are prohibited to make love. Its hypocritical what that famous american states. But then again he wants to get the “votes” of all his fans by showing some modern/enlightened thoughts.

    1. Not really. What they do in private is none of my concern. Unlike your Mormon example, I harbour no opinion as to what people can or cannot do in private as long as all parties involved are consenting adults.

      Read my article a bit more carefully and tell me where it is exactly that I stated that I accept/reject people on the basis of how they consummate their relationships with their respective partners.

      I may have stated an opinion about certain classes of sexual acts. But nowhere have I stated that I extend my opinion of said acts to the people who one can deduce perform said acts.

      1. @Benign0,

        probably you would have to re-write parts of your Blog so that I really get the picture (as JoJo already said as well). But for no I have no idea where you are getting at.

        I am okay about any male (gay) and female (lesbian) homosexual. I know how they are consuming their relationship and I am perfectly fine about that. How else can they consume it? I accept gays and lesbians like I accept all other homo sapiens.

        In my country homofobia is existent and gay people are attacked (physically), mainly by guys from other cultures (Muslim). They (muslim) also attack (assault) girls and young women bec they (those women) dress – according to the Muslim culture – too provocative (bikini and normal clothes with cleavages). Those Muslims just cant handle the way dutch people portray their openess regarding clothing. Most of those Muslim come from Riff-mountains area, Morocco.

        1. hey man have you been in saudi arabia (no) go and see the muslim people they are all gay even though they are married ..i work in saudi arabia at ARAMCO co. and saudi stay in the camp on week day and gohome to their family on week end angd in the camp they have a room mate they call their room mate wife and because they butt f@#@#k its other we saw a supervisor doing it to a young trainee so how come muslim will attacked gay …I have a co worker wife is muslim and the reason she dont marry muslim because all muslim man are gay … i respect gay because some of them are very responsible people wwwhat i dont like is the gay slut who thick because he is gay guy will like him he flirting on guys especialy the rich gay who can pay guy ..in new york one pilipino gay was attacked by guy who hate gay..so if gay live in other country they should behave and not let other know that they are gay …

  4. I don’t get your article, hence it isn’t well written, your trying to be intellectual stop it! Just say it out loud, you’re a closed-minded self celebrating closeted gay person!

    1. @Roper

      Your logic is appalling. Just because you don’t get the point it doesn’t mean benign0 is gay.

      The point is you just need to be tolerant of other people’s preference because what is natural to them may not be natural to you.

  5. Benigs, it’s an uphill battle to convince people to separate the condition from the person, isn’t it? It’s sad and unfortunate that there inevitably will be people who twist the word condition into “disease”.

    I don’t know if “fear of the unknown” is a natural human reflex or if it is a product of conditioning by certain institutions, but gay people don’t deserve to be treated or considered as less than human, or ostracized, just because they’re different.

  6. You said it best, something I’ve tried to articulate succinctly for a while now – why pretend we are all the same in the name of political correctness?

    Good article.

  7. benign0!

    I didn’t know that you are a “Firewalker”! Already I can see soneone fanning the uling furiously, another putting additional uling on the ground that you are walking on and another person pouring kerosene over the uling!;)

    Nevertheless, well written though very sensitive for some people to stomach a moderate.

    Correct me if I am wrong (for the benefit of others), you are just saying:

    1.You can accept other people as having different norms and values

    2.Despite being able to accept other people’s norms and values, it does not mean you will embrace them yourself because of so and so reasons…

  8. Homosexuality is still not accepted in most societies. We don’t know what causes it…it may be biological, psychological, etc…Almost all of the religious texts condemn it as an abomination. Homosexuals do not reproduce…they recruit, maybe. I don’t condemn it, because I don’t know what causes it…

  9. @benign0, I get your viewpoint, and maybe we can further discuss this in the future. I’m still on the fence though, about how you’re saying homosexuality and gays are mutually exclusive, or why you personally feel that homosexuality is inherently wrong (I assume you’re taking an ‘it’s against nature’ stance on the latter).

      1. Harrassment and discrimiation on homosexual people? I don’t see how that’s common for Filipinos. I think people should stop watching too much TV – we’re developing stereotype non-existent scenarios.

        I have homosexual friends and I have seen only very rare few who would treat them differently. There just too much emotional baggage on this “treatment homosexual or homosexuality” issue but no substance.

        If a person wants to be homosexual then THAT’S HIS CHOICE, it will not make him less than a person. But, don’t go demanding that I will not be disgusted with hearing homosexual relationship practices, THAT’S MY CHOICE (I choose to be heterosexual), I can choice what I like to hear and what I don’t like to hear.

  10. every confirmed homosexuals should be whipped and pictures/videos of them should be shown to shown to the public to warn of to-be homosexuals…

  11. This is the first and only forum where I’m going to post about how I personally believe regarding homosexuality.
    I have been a “non-practicing” homosexual for almost 23 years already, although there were two or three moments when I “tried” the act (and felt so guilty afterwards).
    I have received Jesus Christ as my own Lord and my Saviour when I was in 3rd year college and with continued study of the Bible I was convicted by the need to change. It was totally out of my system because this is what I am comfortable with. My friends had loved me for what I was — being able to crack up jokes and stuff only a gay can. I was afraid to let go of my relationships and friends just to obey what I have been commanded by the Bible (no, none of this decision comes from other people, it’s purely a personal conviction). I thought I couldn’t do it and I abandoned my faith. Those three years of abandonment was probably the worst years of my life by far — it was totally dark and empty. I decided that if there’s any principle that I should follow, it should be that one that has been consistent and I always grativitate to the Scriptures.
    I personally believe that being a homosexual is wrong in God’s sight; one should be a straight. This is what I believe, and it doesn’t impinge my respect for what others believe also. It is an uphill battle but with the faith that I have, I believe that I will be able to change and conform to what the Creator wants me to be.

    Sometimes I argue with God that it is really hard for me to replace my homosexual thoughts and behaviors into completely heterosexual. The condition isn’t like smoking, drug addiction, alcoholism, or pornography/sexual addiction. It is deeply ingrained in me and it is not a physical matter which my physical body can easily isolate from. But I personally believe all things are possible.

    You may bash my comment or discount it as made-up by a Christian bigot, but this is real.

    In conclusion, I am where Miriam Quiambao stands, even if it’s a very difficult fight for me by my own strength, but I only have His grace to strengthen me.

    Thank you.

    1. God bless you dude, may you win at your fight.. Just like what you said, being homosexual is dark and empty.. I’ve seen many homosexuals grew old without any friends/possession/relatives, and they are still homosexuals, sexually harassing kids/teenagers or any horny ones they come across with, while living completely alone… I wish those would happen to all the gay celebrities we have now in Philippines.. So that people would realize that being homosexual ain’t a good thing and should be condemned..

      1. @Failippines Yay!
        I don’t know where to start with your comment. I will try and follow your logic and then explain to you how fucked up it really is. You said, “being homosexual is dark and empty..” The only possible way for you to know what homosexuality is like, is if you are gay. How do you possibly know if being gay is “dark and empty.”
        Then you go on to say, “I’ve seen many homosexuals grew old without any friends/possession/relatives, and they are still homosexuals, sexually harassing kids/teenagers or any horny ones they come across with, while living completely alone.” The people you are describing are not homosexuals. If these people are sexually harassing kids, teenagers, there is something else wrong with them. Most people would call them pedophiles. On that note, your comment is absolutely, and without question one of the most ridiculous statements I have ever read. You made all of the readers dumber for reading it. Gays or lesbians, for that matter, cannot be collectively put into a category. You are saying that most gays go around and sexually assault kids and teenagers. Do any kind of research and you will soon find out that heterosexual men and women commit 99% of sexual assaults and rapes. I, on the other hand, thank that some homosexuals live sheltered lives because they are afraid of what society and their friends/family will do or say once they come out; i.e afraid of jackasses like you. I am not gay but several of my friends have said, “the scariest day of my life, is the day I told my friends and family that I am gay.” Once a gay or lesbian comes out, they are subject to everyone’s ridicule and support.
        Your last comment, “I wish those would happen to all the gay celebrities we have now in Philippines.. So that people would realize that being homosexual ain’t a good thing and should be condemned,” contradicts your previous statement. First you say that homosexuals are without “friends/possession/relatives,” and now you are wishing misfortune of the one that you deem successful. I hate to break it to you but success isn’t determined by sexual preferences. Did you really use the word “ain’t.” Here is a pro tip; do not ever use the word ain’t because it will only worsen the value of your already blatant ignorance.
        Pick up a book other than the bible and you will soon realize that there is a world that you have not been introduced to yet. A world, however small, that refuses to judge other people by the color of their skin or sexual orientation. Unfortunately for you and the people that read your comments, you are stuck in a time warp that still believes in a fictional character that condemns everyone different than himself.
        Everyone answer this question. When did you choose to be heterosexual? If you have any intelligence at all, the answer should be, “ I did not choose to be heterosexual.” Now answer this question: “When did a homosexual choose to be gay?” The answer is the same ladies and gents. There is no choice. So by that sound logic, anyone that judges someone for being gay should also judge themselves for being straight.

    2. Hi Philip,

      I admire your open honesty. Me being an atheist I only regret you dont follow your heart but instead a rule made up by a 3rd party. I will not disclose here what I think about religion bec that is outside the scope of this Blog.

    3. Miriam Quiambao will have a word for you. It hurts yet it’s the truth. Some people are onion-skinned.

  12. I reread it and found lots of grammatical errors. Hee hee. Sorry but I just wrote it while on the wave of what I was feeling that time…

    @Robert: thank you sir. I chose to write my testimony here because I know that despite the reader’s differing religious beliefs, they still respect one another and they don’t take their disagreements to a personal level (worse, be like the non-sapiens commenters in mainstream websites and fora). Sir, from my own experience living apart from a consistent principle and a decree from a Higher Being (ie, God) and relying solely on the heart can be dangerous. I respect your belief sir; it’s just that my heart has failed me so many times already. I know that this decision that I am making is laughable especially to gays, but I am setting my eyes on the positive outcome that this will bring.
    Thank you and I hope I can get back on all of you and tell you the great news. Thank you all for your kind words.

  13. Religion aside, homosexuals already are tolerated up to the same level as priests. And like priests, the only time any homosexual get onion-skinned, is after trying to impose homosexual behavior in a place where said behavior is unwelcome, and then claim to have been treated “inhumanely”.

    I hung out with an openly gay friend who lived as a good neighbor in his community. Folks simply let it pass. It was all ok until a “baklang putik” came along, set up a karaoke stand with its attendant noise, and sussing up the local schoolboys with his friends, did people have a nastier view of homosexuals.

    How society treats group of persons, is ruined by the example of a terrible few. But that’s how society is. Some homosexuals would flow with society, some would buck it with the drag queen act. No surprise which one attracts the lousy publicity.

  14. @Philip,

    I am not entitled to bash gays or lesbians bec I choose my partner bec she has blond hair. Gays (and lesbians, bi-sexuals) choose their partner for other reasons then the color of the hair.

    I will not bash, fight or be against gays bec I see them as (equal) people, (equal) human beings.

  15. God created male and female PERIOD.
    I view homosexuals as a people but i cannot help but think of what they do behind closed doors as well. It is a disgusting thought. As much as u wouldnt want to think of it.
    We have TFC at home and most of the shows in TFC, there are homosexuals. It is just a common thing to have on normal televisions in the Philippines. Thats why to other people it is a common thing. To them it is alright.
    First time I went to a comedy bar last year all of them are gays. Yes they were funny but the jokes were really rude. They were talking about how they do it with their partners and all. YUUUCCCKKKK!! I know. From that experience i dont think i would have a healthy secular regard for gay people. (i am cringing right now)

  16. i too am extremely confused about the whole message of this blog. first you say

    “the idea of engaging in a male homosexual act is deeply revolting to me in much the same way as I am repulsed by the idea of having sex with my mother or sister”

    anyone who says incestuous acts are perfectly fine is likely sick in the head, while anyone who can tolerate homosexual acts is just probably open-minded. my point is, these are not the same, and yet you treat them as such. you can be tolerant of one and be extremely repulsed by the other.

    your strong negative feeling about the homosexual act will impair you from making any believable and enlightened conclusion about homosexuality. after all, the condition and the person, while different and shouldn’t be muddled, cannot be separated from each other.

    second, you say

    “I can’t pretend to be a big fan of male homosexuality for the simple reason that I’d rather not harbour an overly graphic picture in my mind of what male homosexuals do with their partners between the sheets”

    you said it yourself. what repulses you is your own imagination. i don’t think you’ve been forced by any homosexual couple to watch them while they do it, and leave a horrific and indelible imprint in your brain. i’m sure you don’t have incestuous images haunting you, so why do you have these homosexual ones?

    i have homosexual friends. i accept the fact that they make passionate love together, and i move on.

  17. Gays are retards. They need a cure. Its a sickness. If having sex with a dog is natural then homosexuality is natural.and what’s with the marriage? You gays just wanna make sure your lovers (that you just compensate) (in the event they really need a vagina) that you can take legal actions. Pathetic.the APA said that your not a desease because of a mere vote.

  18. I don’t have problem with gays except when they speak “kabastusan” in public and made it known as humor that youngsters were influenced to make a remark like it and find it funny instead of not even thinking about it. Also when gay-whores “victimized” young (and “needy”) people like those stupid fools in power. What they do is associated for who they are. So when they do appalling things, they would also be seen as appalling. Talk of equality, whether in this case or the rest, they are being treated as equal because even straight people who committed sins such as pagiging kabit o nangangaliwa, maniacs are being condemned by the public, being punished by their acid tongues and righteous judgment (some get the greatest deal of humiliation, got jailed, got killed). And let’s not forget, there are people who have so much respect on homos, are friends with them because like I said, people judge base on what they see as what was shown to them. So yeah, we’re all equal and under the same rule with the same rights. If ever homosexuals aren’t being accepted by the society, look around they are being accepted, but like straight people, they have responsibility on not harming or disgracing other people with what they say or what they do. Adults, whether they are hetero or homo, are being look up to by youngsters. And everyone, whether gay or not, contributed to the society. It should not be that s/he gay or straight. It should be that s/he is a person/human same as everyone. Sometimes I wonder if they are more aware of what they do or how they act more than what people think of them because none of other people’s opinion matter really if you know you’re doing the right thing and you’re not harming anybody. See, and yeah I have to say it again to stress the obvious, whether straight or not, you are subject to other people’s scrutiny base on what you do whether you like it or not (especially when you made it known or just careless). The thing is gays have so much power now unlike before because THEY ARE BEING ACCEPTED AND EMBRACED by the society (they have pageants, they have business lines, they can get married now, they are being accepted and supported by their family and friends, etc.) and yet… Let’s take Vice Ganda for example in his shows like Showtime. He’s a public figure. Speaking of the implied “hotdog” or “egg” in the show, always interrupting people when they are speaking, speaking ill or making fun of other people in public using pang gay bar attitude and terms and ALMOST KISSING straight guys (his co-hosts) in the show (Sheesh, man. Straight guys hate that because they don’t and won’t ever do that. He should respect that fact and not do that ESPECIALLY IN FACE OF MILLIONS OF VIEWERS like it’s a normal thing. I like their shows but when I see something like that and the disrespect to the contestants and to the audience being interviewed, my thought is it should not be aired at all). And when he speaks and act like that because he’s a gay, because he is stressing homosexuality in his wardrobes, manner of speaking and actions (when there’s no need to really if you believe that you’re equal with everybody), then how do you expect people to accept him as homosexual? It’s okay when he does that in gay bars, even in his concert, for the people who come to watch it there but not in noontime shows or in anywhere where people does not came to be influence but can be influenced, not used to that kind of treatment and also wanted as much acceptance and respect that he so desire for gay people like him. You can’t have your homosexuality for people to simply accept when your actions as homosexual is lacking in dignity to your humanity (applicable also to straight people, see). In my belief, homosexuals have nothing to prove. Their homosexuality will only be attack if they would require special treatment where their actions should be hailed as norm that they expect people to act like it or find it amusing every time or accept it simply because that’s who they are, they are just being true to themselves. Not everybody is homosexual just like when they’re saying that there’s not only male and female in the world. #LGBTQ

  19. Boy, there is a lot of hate out there. Why? Because someone is different and their behavior irritates you? Try tolerance for a change. Stop holding yourself in such high regard. You seem to be angry because the whole world does not want to be like you.

    see definition: XENOPHOBIA

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