Do Filipinos suffer from narcissistic personality disorder?

It’s official. I finally got confirmation that a lot of Filipino men are so into themselves. I thought it was just me but a recent survey conducted by global market research company, Synovate Inc. revealed that 48 percent of Filipino males felt they were sexually attractive. This revelation made another global media outlet, CNN International conclude that Filipino men are the most narcissistic in Asia.

I have always wondered why a lot of the men in the country carry this look about them that seems to say, “I can give you a good time.” And I don’t know if I should be happy or sad with the news that I was right about my assessment of most Filipino men after all.

On one hand, I should be happy because now I know how to deal with them, which is to avoid them like the plague. On the other hand, it makes me sad knowing that there is very little evidence that a cure for narcissism exists. I mean, how do you make someone admit that they are so arrogant? It is possible, but you will have to devote an entire lifetime talking some sense into them. And if the survey is accurate “ that almost half the population of Filipino men is conceited – the implications of this are very serious, the least of which is that “nine out of 10 Filipino men polled said they liked to look good for themselves, not anyone else.

Narcissism is defined by the dictionary as “an excessive love or admiration of oneself. It is also defined as a psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.”

We all possess varying degrees of inclination to narcissism. A healthy dose of love for or admiration of one’s self helps us function normally. It helps us appreciate our own look and more importantly, our achievements. In other words, when we have the right amount of narcissism, we become confident individuals. This assists us in getting ahead in school, in our careers and forming a healthy relationship with other people. And this means we can enjoy life more.

But an excessive dose of fondness for our own greatness could be bordering on insanity and delusion of grandeur. It can actually affect the way we deal with the people around us. Cases of narcissism have recently become unchecked and all of a sudden now acceptable thanks to people’s obsession with being famous like Hollywood celebrities. Likewise, the advent of social networking sites did not help people stay grounded in reality. In sites like Facebook for example, we see a lot of people exhibiting narcissistic behavior all the time.

It is easy to spot narcissists in social networking sites. They are the ones who cannot seem to get enough attention. They are the ones who post updates on the minutiae of what they are doing very frequently. They also change their profile photo everyday — as if the new one is perceivably better than the last one. You can even call what they are doing “spamming”. Narcissists fail to realize that posting updates and changing photos frequently could make them come across as unstable or “mental” to some.

In various forums online, narcissists participate in the discussion not to learn but to brag about what they know. They are easily offended and take things very personally. Unfortunately, on-line forums and social networking sites is where narcissists thrive.

An overdose of this personality trait called “narcissism” is associated with egotism, vanity, conceit and selfishness and is now considered a disorder.

A person suffering from narcissistic personality disorder has been described as someone with “an inflated sense of self-importance and an extreme preoccupation with themselves”. The cause of this disorder is said to be unknown but the disorder can be traced back to bad genes; abusive household or perhaps demonic possession…ok, that last one is a bit of a stretch. But you can just imagine the kind of environment that will breed or develop a personality disorder such as that.

One online source revealed that “a narcissist is someone who never grew out of being a selfish child. They find it hard to share and even harder to share the limelight, always wanting to be the focus of attention”. In short, a narcissist can also be described as simply immature.

PubMed Health described the symptoms of a person with narcissistic personality disorder below. Someone who may:

React to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation

Take advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals

Have excessive feelings of self-importance

Exaggerate achievements and talents

Be preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love

Have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment

Need constant attention and admiration

Disregard the feelings of others, and have little ability to feel empathy

Have obsessive self-interest

Pursue mainly selfish goals

In my role as a blogger, I have encountered quite a number of narcissists. They often force their views on other people by using written abuse, aggression and defensiveness. People like them do not acknowledge that other people are entitled to their own opinion. They quickly label people “idiot” or “stupid” but fail to see the flaw in their own thinking.

The behavior of narcissists on the Net mirrors what they are like in real life. In real life, they most likely also tend to use verbal abuse and force their way through even with their loved ones or those close to them. This is why you see a lot of Filipinas suffering in harmful relationships. It is a result of a combination of a society that suppresses women and a society that harbors machismo or excessive masculinity at the same time. It is quite destructive if you ask me.

Unfortunately, since narcissists use force to get their way, they also tend to be the ones who end up in power. Perhaps this is why a lot of the issues in the Philippines always end up reaching an impasse. Hardly anything gets resolved. This is because most politicians in power have excessive feelings of self-importance and are just preoccupied with “fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence” but they don’t really have a lot of substance. More importantly, most Filipino politicians pursue selfish goals regardless of how they affect other people.

Unless Filipino men who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder remain undiagnosed and untreated, they will continue to hold positions of power unrestrained, wreaking havoc on Philippine society.

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120 Comments on “Do Filipinos suffer from narcissistic personality disorder?”

  1. ” They quickly label people “idiot” or “stupid” but fail to see the flaw in their own thinking.”

    so name calling is narcissistic behavior? i agree with that.

    1. Name-calling shows your true character, me thinks.

      It also shows a symptom of weakness and a surrender applying the logical reasons.

  2. “..is easy to spot narcissists in social networking sites. They are the ones who cannot seem to get enough attention. They are the ones who post updates on the minutiae of what they are doing very frequently. ”

    would you argue that blogging is somewhat narcissistic as well? blogging was one of the first forms of online life; twitter is considered “micro-blogging”.

  3. “I finally got confirmation that Filipino men are so into themselves”

    Is that statement absolute Ilda? When I say absolute, I’d say, quoting someone as “not qualified or diminished in any way; total”?

    Well, what I really meant to say is that, is this general or refer to “some” Filipinos, which would mean then, it is limited.

    ^_~

    I like this

  4. Erratum:

    Well, what I really meant to say is that, is this general or it refers to “some” Filipinos, which would mean then, it is limited?

  5. @GabbyD:

    “would you argue that blogging is somewhat narcissistic as well?”

    It depends, Gabby, in how you handle your ideas into the blog. If it shows narcissistic attitude, and if it shows narcissism in handling arguments.

  6. @GabbyD:

    “would you argue that blogging is somewhat narcissistic as well?”

    It depends, Gabby, in how you handle your ideas into the blog. If it shows narcissistic attitude, and if it shows narcissism in handling arguments, then, then the blogger is narcissistic which is manifested in his/her blogging style.

  7. “Narcissists fail to realize that posting updates and changing photos frequently could make them come across as unstable or “mental” to some.”

    Ooops, really? I change profile photo of my facebook frequently.

    But how frequent is frequent?

      1. Of course Filipino men are narcissists. They feel so inferior that they overdo the “self love” to avoid feeling the deep rooted results of losing their own identity due to the cultural experiences the Philippines has dealt with since the Spanish occupation.
        Let’s face facts. It appears that 10% of the men are lady boys. Then, upon further notice, another 30% are quite feminine. The lady boy example is an extreme (and simplification) of the gender crisis faced by men of the Philippines. They see foreigners entering their country, taking away their woman. They cannot compete. They are taught from an early age not to think too much. They can perform tasks by rote. They can do what they are told to do, but when it comes to thinking outside the box, they find it too difficult to deal with. Living in the Philippines which is constantly dealt horrific blows due to natural disasters such as earthquakes and typhoons as well as a never ending life of poverty, they feel helpless and trapped. Being a male puts the additional pressures of having to compete for jobs and with the women’s sexual revolution, women have become more like men and compete with these insecure men for the jobs. It is no wonder that so many men give up and become more feminine and ultimately lady boys.

        Filipinos as a whole do not think. What I mean is not intended as cruel or pejorative. It is a defense mechanism meant to avoid having to deal with thoughts/feelings that are too painful to deal with on a daily basis. The way out, appears to be to avoid thinking about anything, except assignments where a function is performed over and over again, e.g., laborer in construction. Within a 20 minute span of going to the mall, it is amazing how many Filipinos suddenly get lost in their minds when approaching stairs or an escalator. They will stop dead in their tracks before going on, or off. They suddenly wake up from a “sleep” which demand them to make a decision…do I go left, right…up..down..etc.. If it happened once in a big while, who cares. Everyone loses their attention from time to time, but what I am talking about happens with regularity. When I am walking down the stairs, holding a railing because I am carrying something in the other hand, it is ridiculous how many times a Filipino is standing in the middle of the stairs…or…even worse…standing by the railing making it impossible for me to hold on, therefor risking my own safety. This behavior takes place so often it forces me to consider WHY?????
        Why when I go grocery shopping do the people put their carts in an aisle SIDEWAYS, making it either impossible or difficult to pass. These kinds of behaviors happens ALL THE TIME to such a degree, it must mean that something is happening (or not) with their thinking. My guess is as follows. Thinking, is PAINFUL for them. It makes them deal with all of the negativity that constantly surrounds their lives. So, they close their thinking and just move forward with NO THOUGHT. How many times will a group of them just stand in the middle of a pathway in the mall making it impossible to pass. Why are they so rude? Why are they so thoughtless? It isn’t because they are bad people. It is because they are NOT THINKING…PERIOD!!!! Yet, when it comes to driving a car, or even pushing a grocery cart or waiting in line, they can become super aggressive, cut you off and make you wonder why it is so important for them to step in front of you when all the other times they seem to be sleep walking.
        So, as for their narcissism, I really do NOT consider them as pure narcissists. I instead think that anything similar to narcissistic behavior which is really evident with the tens of thousands of ladyboys, is more of a reaction to their deep rooted insecurity.
        Filipinos make excellent workers, as long as you do not ask them to think on their own. There are major exceptions to this of course, but in my long life, I have never seen the above traits with such frequency as I have witnessed in the Philippines. As for the narcissists on Facebook, that is EVERYONE..or almost everyone. They look for people to respond to their every motion, thought or concern. That is not limited to Filipinos. That is all over the world. Quite frankly, it is a sign of the times where young people need constant validation from everyone to feel secure. It is not a Filipino issue alone.

    1. Unfortunately, there hasn’t been a research done on how women fair in this department. So I would be guessing if I had to write an article about it. 😉

  8. How could most Filipino men be narcissistic, when your figure clearly says that it’s at 48%, i.e. not a majority? That’s like saying that a barkada of 10 is a fat group if 5 of them were overweight…

    1. Most–> the keyword. Let’s suppose the most is represented by 50% of the total population. Of that 50%, can’t you conclude that 48% is not majority?

      If not, please define majority.

      Thanks.

    2. The agency came to the conclusion that Filipino men are the most narcissistic in Asia because: “By way of comparison, just 25 percent of men in Singapore considered themselves sexually attractive, 17 percent in China and Taiwan and a measly 12 percent of Hong Kong guys think the same.”

      The figure also means that when you meet a Filipino, chances are he could be one of the 48%. It’s like when you toss a coin, it’s either going to be the head or the tail.

      1. Why they think they’re ‘attractive’ is because they have so much time in their hands to think of trifling, unproductive things (other than probably of fertility reasons) as compared to their other regional counterparts. Also, add in factors such as an already-destructive and abused perspective of individualism, lack of access to more educational content and poorly guided attitudes, and what you have is the contemporary Pinoy monkey so full of himself.

  9. Actually, narcissism only becomes a problem when it damages another person. It is not necessarily a bad trait. It is just a hint of optimism of a person for him/herself. Only a few Filipinos develop this trait wherein they believe in themselves. It is better for them to be narcissistic than to be pessimistic and become dependent in the end. Just my two cents.

    P.S.

    Except when you are in public service you cannot deny that narcissism distracts people more when they think of themselves more than the service they provide.

    1. Nice one. I agree. My brother is narcissistic but he never depends on anybody but himself. He does not hurt anyone though but it’s good because he’s independent. The bad side is when you want help, he won’t give a damn about you.

  10. In reading blogs…do not mind the Messenger…just understand his messages. If you are looking for Narcisists; just look at our Politicians and Leaders…some are given Honorary Doctorate Degrees, without even a good reason. Some use Public Relation people to magnify their: achievements; abilities and accomplishment. When they move; bodyguards are with them; with sirens blaring, that warns you; they are coming, so give way…Where the Leaders go…the People will surely follow…

    1. do you mean, the idiots follow? In contrast to the blogger, most Filipinos are contented with mediocrity, a trait which develops in pessimistic people. They treat themselves as insignificant to the society wherein they tend to follow people whom they think is better than them in order to bask in their greatness. Everyone should have faith in themselves to pursue greatness in every little thing that they do. If they don’t, they should stay contented to where they are and wait for their insignificant death caused by the person they entrust themselves with.

      1. Some people consider themselves excellent even when their accomplishment is only mediocre. That’s narcissism for you.

        As the late French Romantic artist Eugène Delacroix once noted:

        Mediocre people have an answer for everything and are astonished at nothing. They always want to have the air of knowing better than you what you are going to tell them; when, in their turn, they begin to speak, they repeat to you with the greatest confidence, as if dealing with their own property, the things that they have heard you say yourself at some other place…. A capable and superior look is the natural accompaniment of this type of character.

      2. @Ilda

        “Some people consider themselves excellent even when their accomplishment is only mediocre. That’s narcissism for you.”

        I think that’s “pride” mixed with narcissism.

        1. Hi Ron,

          Narcissism is related to the conditions of pride and arrogance.

          Please read this article here and it will show you how they classified Filipinos as among the most sinful men in Asia because of their pride.

      3. You have got to be kidding me.

        Anyway I believe that, being a guy I saw a lot that are boastful. I think it’s not only attractiveness only but also everything.

        I admit I was once like that but times have changed when you get old. Attractiveness is now less a priority in me. I’m more on art now.

        Simple dress and deodorant is okay to me. Hehehe…

  11. People who are narcissist:
    ” React to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation

    Take advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals

    Have excessive feelings of self-importance

    Exaggerate achievements and talents

    Be preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love

    Have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment

    Need constant attention and admiration

    Disregard the feelings of others, and have little ability to feel empathy

    Have obsessive self-interest

    Pursue mainly selfish goals. ”

    Must a narcissist in terms of disorder require all those features to be considered as a narcissist?

    If yes, then very small amount of Filipinos are narcissist.

    If not, then all humans are narcissists.

    1. As I said in my article, “We all possess varying degrees of inclination to narcissism. A healthy dose of love for or admiration of one’s self helps us function normally. It helps us appreciate our own look and more importantly, our achievements. In other words, when we have the right amount of narcissism, we become confident individuals. This assists us in getting ahead in school, in our careers and forming a healthy relationship with other people. And this means we can enjoy life more.

      But an excessive dose of fondness for our own greatness could be bordering on insanity and delusion of grandeur. It can actually affect the way we deal with the people around us.”

      1. If most Filipinos do not have the disorder, then most of them have a “healthy dose” of narcissism, therefore, most of the Filipinos “function normally.”

        But why are all the real life examples with regards to all “healthy dose” narcissist Filipinos who “function normally” demonstrated in this article as negative when its suppose to be a benefit?

        Going on, how should people have a “healthy dose” or the “right amount of narcissism?”

        Does this article imply that since it only takes 1 of those narcissistic symptoms to become a narcissist, then that 1 symptom should not be “excessive,” thus, every symptom must also not be “excessive” to have that “healthy dose?”

        I see a contradiction here. Your saying that people should not exhibit any of those narcissistic symptoms excessively because those “excessive” symptoms are detrimental for them. You then conclude that just because those people with disorders are “bad” to your eyes, hence, the “healthy dose” people who exhibit “excessive” narcissistic symptoms are bad. However, people with “healthy dose” of narcissism do not have the disorder, which means these people will highly likely not have the disorder, therefore, whatever their narcissistic symptoms are, they will likely not be as “excessive” as the symptoms of people with disorder, which means its never detrimental for them, so, in the end, all narcissist Filipinos can never be as “bad” as the people with the disorder.

        1. What you are asking the author to do here, Mr Sandiya is explain to you what SPECIFICALLY constitutes “excessive” narcissism. That’s a bit like asking someone to explain what makes a joke funny.

          If I were to quibble on the finer details about, humour, for example, it’d probably go like this:

          So if I exhibit three out of the five symptoms of reflexive response to a signal that claims to possess the property of humour, say the utterance of the sound of laughter, uncontrollable shaking in synch with said laughter, and a stitches-like sensation in the abdomen, does that mean that we can quote a factor of 0.6 as a possible value describing the humour-to-total-info-content ratio of the said signal?

          Sounds ridiculous and rather pompous, doesn’t it?

          In short, if you have to ask one to quantify in specific terms what “excessive” narcissism means “exactly”, then that indicates that you may need to work a bit on your EQ faculties. Otherwise, maybe you yourself are exhibiting a form of narcissism — one that involves displaying some sort of perverse prowess for quibbling on little irrelevant details to mask some sort of substance deficit on your part.

          nyek nyek!

  12. I live in California, I have had really horrible experiences dating, or should I say, attempting to date Filipinas. They have been narcissistic to a incredible degree. The problem is, I know they’re bad behaviors are reactions to bad behaviors of Filipino men. They’re not smart enough to realize that they should adjust their behavior towards me. They should not engage in such behaviors that are a reaction to behaviors I just don’t have.

    Okay, I need to clarify the “attempting to date” comment. These Filipinas all approached me first. Yeah! Yeah! I know that’s not typical behavior for a Filipina. So freakin’ what! That’s what initially grabbed my attention. Of course, I ask for a date a couple times. Naturally, they would say “no” because I’m supposed to keep asking right? WRONG!!! I’m not stupid! Bye! Bye!

    Another typical Filipino behavior is they tend to be “pakiaalamera.” So when one of them tries to fix me up with someone, I say i don’t like Pinays because they’re “mangloloko.”

    1. Unfortunately, there hasn’t been a study done to confirm what you are saying that “Filipinas are narcissistic to an incredible degree.”

      Which is why the title of my blog ends in a question mark. 😉

  13. This narcissism may come from the same likely root cause of “Pinoy Pride,” which is a feeling of inferiority influenced by images of masculinity in the mass media. Aside from the traditional machismo exhibited by Filipinos, narcissism exists because Filipino men actually fear being inferior – and yet they actually feel inferior. Mass media is also to blame for enforcing inaccurate stereotypes about the genders.

    1. Let me add, the inferiority also comes from the general state of poverty that influences the culture. Even our middle class and elite have been seeded with the mentality of people in poverty. Better views of masculinity can come from having a better economy.

      1. Which is why we need to empower the women who are being suppressed by our society. The men in power are no good to the majority.

      2. I think I’ll add one more thing to empower men with: heart. One wouldn’t so overly narcissistic if they had much heart (as in concern for others and all that). That’s how I see Pinoy masculine culture: quite heartless and brainless (as is all of Pinoy culture after all).

  14. You know, when Synovate said that 48% of Filipino men considered themselves attractive… did that study include “men” the likes of Vice Ganda? That might explain it. lol

    1. I was thinking the same think, BenK. It’s the best part of the article!

      I mean no offence to you, Ilda. I enjoy your posts but this one is more of a discussion starter than analysis or observation but that was obviously your intention.

      Generally speaking, I do have a problem with Filipino male culture. I do not believe that any other men on earth are so collectively prepared to utterly depend on women – mothers, sisters, aunts, daughters – to bear so much responsibility for providing an income without any sense of shame or feeling of being challenged to also find a way to provide. That’s a national embarrassment, IMO.

      1. @Matthew Parkes

        No offense taken. I’m glad you appreciate the diagram, actually. Some people do not see the connection between the rise of narcissism and social networking sites.

        Good point on the dependence of men on women. It seems a lot of Filipino men are happy to let the women provide for them. But at the same time, they still want to call the shots.

    1. It is imperative that we do something about it. The future of the country is depending on men (and women) who might be suffering from narcissistic personality disorder. Our society needs to encourage more people to speak out against tyranny in the guise of the so-called People Power “heroes.”

  15. yes, my confirmation is also correct. I have encountered of these kinds having these boastful, narcissistic, disorderly characteristics. Very small minds indeed!

    1. Apparently, the disturbing behavior is now becoming the norm or acceptable in our society. This is because those who exhibit narcissistic disorder also tend to get away with bullying others into submission.

  16. Of course Filipino men need to look good more than ever to be able to compete with foreign males! Consider the growing number of Filipino women in interracial marriages. Pinoys are no longer the Pinays’ first choice. This is not necessarily narcissism. Its insecurity.

    1. If we go by the official definition: “A person who is insecure lacks confidence in their own value, and one or more of their capabilities, lacks trust in themselves or others, or has fears that a present positive state is temporary, and will let them down and cause them loss or distress by “going wrong” in the future,” so I would say, no. Their behaviour is not consistent with being insecure.

      Being insecure is the opposite of being a narcissist.

      1. Narcissists have low underlying self-esteem, but they address this problem by over-compensating; they present a mask, an entirely false image of themselves to the world designed to engineer a constant flow of admiration from others. This enables them to maintain their self-esteem at a relatively high level

        1. So therefore, you agree that most Filipino men who exhibit that kind of behaviour are narcissists 😉

      2. Ilda. I admired you for your candidness. NO Holds barred. All Filipino men should read your article like a bible. Its quite true even here in America. I notice that in today’s society why Filipina women are always successful. Now i know why. Maraming Salamat. Keep up the Good work and spread the truth.

    2. Insecurity of the male or female? I think most Filipinas who connect with non-Filipinos do it for practical reasons like getting a life, not for the man’s looks. Indeed, I suspect if a Filipino man displayed humor, intelligence, and courtesy – call it charm – he would be “seen” as attractive by Filipinas no matter his physical look. But if a guy is so into himself that he can’t consider others . . . there are other pastures in which to plow . . . or hunt . . or whatever. Fields? Forests? Juices!

    3. I think the excessive bravado and bluster exhibited by the typical Pinoy male on the outside (and there are lots of examples of this in a few forums I observe every now and then 😉 ) is a sad attempt to mask a complete lack of substance on the inside. Unfortunately it takes a special sort of mind to see through that behaviour. Sadly not too many Pinoys possess such a mind. 😀

  17. I like how many guys commented on this. It clearly shows that the statistics do hold their value. While being a Pilipino myself, I can say that I am quite attractive and some women can attest to this(not including my mother and sister, of course). Haha.

    I am quite astonished at the depth of the article you posted. You people brought back my faith in Pilipinos once more.

        1. I wonder if this was the case before colonization. A gut feeling tells me no and that this this has been something that has developed as some kind of coping mechanism, as are a lot of behaviors so oriented to self and identity.

  18. I attest all what you’ve said are true and confirmed.
    And no cure can be seen in the horizon but they have to remedy that by themselves, because it they don’t they are loosing their female.

  19. As an introvert, this all makes sense to me why a lot of the boys in my classes years ago annoy the heck out of me all the time. They’re just so pushy and full of noise, mostly surrounding themselves with people who keep feeding on their egos. But these go to females as well. They can be bitchier than the males.

  20. vanity and narcissism are two different things, the study focused on being sexually attractive and some dumbass re-posted it as narcissism.

    1. This!

      In the US, people like George Sodini and Elliot Rogers have Narcissistic personality Disorder. They think too highly of themselves that when things didn’t work out well, they blamed the women and men who have women and go on a mass killing spree.

      This isn’t the case for Filipino guys. I see it as a line of trying to be more confident, attractive and charming. And I have yet to see a Filipino guy who thinks himself as attractive and when rejected go on women hating and on a killing spree.

      If the Filipino habits described here are a signo f “NPD”, then more Filipina women would fall into the NPD because a lot of them spend too much time in the mirror — make up, pekpek shorts, spray nets, mousse, colognes…etc

  21. Narcissism.Hmmm….You know that’s pathetic for epal pinoys who ain’t even the progressive filipino elites to think,act and exist that way.Man!No shortage in this country.

  22. I am the mother of two kids with ADHD. I myself also have this condition. I also know that the Venn diagram above was posted tongue-in-cheek. Believe me, I have heard enough ADHD jokes to last me a lifetime and one more really doesn’t make a difference to me personally. However, meeting all the kids at the ADHD Society of the Philippines and seeing how valiantly they struggle not only with their condition but also the prevalence of disinformation and stereotypes about it in Philippine society, I promised to myself that I would help in my own little ways in educating fellow Filipinos about ADHD. I’d like to therefore invite you, Ilda, to attend any of the meetings or conferences of the ADHD Society of the Philippines and with the fresh knowledge and perspective learned help in your capacity as an influential Filipino blogger to effect positive changes in how your readers view people, especially, children, with this disability. Thank you very much and may you continue to stir our collective national pot of complacency.

  23. The double-standard that exists in the Philippine society apparently triggers this problem. I have a brother who is also narcissistic. I stopped speaking him to him because he made me feel worthless. He even told me that I’m going to have dumb kids because I’m not as smart as he is. Well I’d rather be a spinster than be married miserably. Besides, I can’t stand the fact that there’s no divorce in this country and men are allowed to take as many mistresses as they want.

  24. I got hooked by this blog post. I thought it was just me thinking that Filipino men have that “pa-pogi” image. But there is the research to justify this. So it’s true.

  25. The entire Filipino culture is a culture of make believe. It is fake all and through. Everyone is a valedictorian, knows someone important, won a beauty pageant, is a chess or basketball master, has an amazing job, is an artist, rich – whatever. I heard a young high school dropout say she looks for a husband in the US because a Filipino man cannot treat her “like she deserves”. She was talking money, of course. Nothing in the Philippines is what it seems. Lying, faking, forgery is deeply embedded in the culture, which also is somewhat schizophrenic. Anyone ever noticed that the concepts of Hiya and Amor Propio are kind of at odds? Torn between wanting to be important and shame for not being important, all made worde by “Utang Na Loob”, which is a wide open door for all Sociopaths and Psychopaths and narcissist showmakers to exploit their fellow countrymen and women. The people vote for actors, sportsmen and similar public celebrities. Impression is always more important than being, than substance. All those kids who bring medals home from school. Amazing. A large country full of geniuses! And yet not a single Nobel laureate to date… I suppose that must be someone else’s fault…? Even homes occasionally reflect the double reality of the Filipinos’ psyche, featuring a nice, tidy, stylish living room for guests and another one for, well, living. From the western point of view this is an incompatible society, and the medieval and deeply superstitious Christian religious side of the nation doesn’t really change that. It is much easier to get along with Chinese, Indians or Japanese people, who also are very different in many respects, but also regularly show an honest “to do” attitude where it is possible to connect. In many cases connections with Filipinos are only apparent. It is not real. Similar to some people form Muslim nations who have no respect for non Muslims, considering it legitimate to lie to them and cheat them.

    1. @Rick O’Sheh

      I found an article of mine from the archives that delved into “whatever happened to our so-called intellectuals”? Here are some excerpts:

      “The Philippines has no shortage of morons. This is evident in the number people who defy logic or facts without using any empirical evidence to support their stand. This is also evident in the number of people who are supposedly free to choose their leader but continually choose instead someone based solely on his pedigree. However, if you believe a claim by a so-called intellectual, there is no shortage of smart Filipinos in our society either.

      Last December 2010, I read a news item that reported that “Pisay may surpass schools abroad in advanced math.” Pisay refers to Philippine Science High School (PSHS) and the article claimed that “ Students from the Philippine Science High School (PSHS) come at par — and may even surpass — students from other countries when it comes to algebra, geometry and calculus.“

      The article from ABS-CBN News further states the following:

      This is according to the 2008 Trends in International Mathematics and Science Study-Advanced (TIMSS-Advanced), which revealed that students from PSHS, more popularly known as Pisay, seem to “be able to compete internationally, surpassing students from some countries.”

      Dr. Ester Ogena, who wrote a paper on the performance of Philippine science high schools in the 2008 TIMSS-Advanced, said that overall PSHS students got 47% correct in the TIMSS-Advanced examination, higher than the international average of 40%.

      They got a score of 52% in algebra, 52% in geometry, and 43% in calculus, going beyond the international averages of 42%, 44% and 37%, respectively.

      I don’t doubt for a moment the result of the study that says Pisay students are good with their numbers. After all, the result was based on scores that were taken from examinations. I also don’t doubt our abilities in surpassing students from other countries. Frankly, the above article is hardly news at all if you ask me.

      What I would like to know is, since most of the students who graduate from such prestigious schools such as Pisay obviously use their analytical skills in the fields of mathematics, why can’t they use the same skills in dealing with their day-to-day activities? I mean, I really don’t understand what happens to students who did very well at school. What happens after graduation? Where have all the smart people gone?

      Did all the smart Filipinos join the corporate world and lose themselves in the system? Or have they all left for abroad where what they have to offer is better appreciated? Or even worse, are they still here in the country but are just dumbing themselves down just to fit-in with the rest of the average anti-intellectual Filipinos? I do believe that even though “brain drain” is part of the reason behind the reduced number of intellectuals in the country, there are also many more Filipinos who are still in the country but are just trying to fit in or trying to stay under the radar just to avoid being ostracized by the moronic horde.

      It is not hard to imagine how smart Filipinos can feel alienated in our society. The sheer number of morons can actually make intellectuals feel bullied into thinking that there is something wrong with them. Smart people who can potentially solve the problems of our society tend to shy away from voicing their opinions and simply blend in with the rest. Sadly, they can actually use their training and expertise in dealing with some of the most important life-changing decisions in their lives and the lives of millions of people if only regular folks allow them.

      The biggest problem with our society is that young people are taught what to think, but not how to think.

      From a young age, we are told not to question authority, with an emphasis on giving deference to our elders. Young kids are to be seen but not heard. This was evident in the last election when some young adults who did not see the relevance of “People Power” anymore were voicing their disgust at how some Filipinos are still beholden to the Aquino family.

      But these young Filipino adults were quickly silenced by threats from the family elders even short of being banished from the family tree. Scared of being ostracized, young Filipino adults have no choice but to follow what their elders say, never mind if what the elders say defies what they had learned at school. This is because smart people somehow know that it is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in an argument. Someone once said that one moron can ask more questions than ten wise men can answer and that ignorant people rely on insults instead of facts.”

      To read more: The Net community: unleashing the Filipino’s intellectual potential

      1. Sad to hear but that’s the reality of life. People are just like parrots. Don’t have a right to voice your opinion because you will be subjected by teachers to discipline. No wonder why most adults grew up not being able to assert. The intellectuals fear of being heckled or bullied. If you look different or act different, majority will call you BADUY. sad with all my memories when i used to attend Grade school and High School. Classmates getting bullied by classmates and worse sometimes the teacher is the main instigator.

    2. Rick, from an outsider looking into the Filipino culture you have explained it perfectly in my eyes. Well done! I agree 110%

  26. I lay no claim at being an expert on narcissism except for some personal experience of living with one for years and knowing full well the difference of the “face” the narcissist shows in public as opposed to the real self shown only in the confines of the narcissists home.

    Narcissism is not simply just about a person who is mayabang or full of himself (stereotypical kardashan who tweets 20 times a day). On the contrary narcissists are actually pathological charmers to people who don’t know them that well. They will not rub off on you as mayabang rather they have the right amount of confidence that draws people towards them initially. The dark side of the narcissist will only manifest once the devaluing and discarding stage starts. When he is done manipulating and using the person (and sees no need for them) or when the other person starts to realize that something is strangely wrong with the narcissists and questions them.

    The main character flaws of a narcissist is NOT because he counts his “pogi points” or spends so much money to pretty herself up. I agree with the author when she says that some people are like that but that doesn’t mean that they are narcissist. There is a certain level of love for self (some a bit skewed to the maximum level) but these still fall under a healthy-level of self adoration. The main character flaws of the narcissist is his inability to EMPATHIZE and the GRANDIOSE feeling of SELF. They can manipulate and use people and discard them as easily and their brains and emotions are NOT WIRED to think that something is wrong with that picture. They can not at all put themselves into other people’s shoes.

    It’s quite hard to diagnose a narcissist. They don’t show these characteristics or you will not notice the lack of empathy and the grandiose feeling until you are already looking from inside out. Looking from the outside (for acquaintances and friends of the narcissist) the “self” that will be shown is rather perfect.

    The lack of empathy and grandiose feeling of self is the reason why narcissists:
    – can not accept criticisms (especially if these come from people that they have manipulated and controlled)
    – have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment (regardless if its CLEAR that they do not deserve it)
    – have excessive feeling of self importance (they will demand to be served and to be made priority at the most inappropriate time)
    – can profess true love to a person they just met, and then a few months after claim to another person that this time they have now found “everlasting love” without any guilt or remorse.
    – Need constant attention and admiration (doesn’t matter if there’s someone really sick, a newborn baby, or anyone else who needs the attention more)
    – Never accepts the blame or even just a portion of it (It’s always someone elses fault – why he gets fired or why his relationship ended (even if if clearly he/she was the one who cheated).

    In the Philippines most narcissist are never going to get diagnosed. People who suffer from living with family members who are narcissist, or a narcissistic spouse/significant other will most likely never get to talk to a psychologist to help them recover. They will find themselves in a situation where they are at a complete loss…..as to what went wrong and why the person who initially professed to them undying love (true love, etc) seems to be inflicting so much pain without pity.

    I guess the best way is to inform and educate yourself when you find out or when the time comes that you ACCEPT the truth that you are with a narcissist. And for the rest perhaps to keep an open mind that narcissists are not always the stereotypical “mayabang” people. If you read the experiences of most victims you might be shocked that often they come as wolves in a “charming” sheep’s clothing.

  27. Thank you very much to Ilda for your post. I think you’re very brave to write this because i think there are some truths in what you wrote and we all know that the truth hurts. Thank you also for the response of Rick O’Sheh. I got the impression that Mr. Rick has been taken advantaged of and got hurt by some Filipinos. I may be wrong but that is how i felt about your response. I would just like to tell Mr. Rick, please don’t write when you’re upset, because the words once said, is like a genie out of the lamp, it is impossible to take back. Mr. Rick, what you said may be true but don’t you think that it is an impossibly great leap from being a narcissist to a schizoprenic. Come on! Admit it? Mr. Rick, I think it is so easy to hate. A lot of things in this world can be fixed by love. Like what the bible says, without love we are nothing. And i think having a sense of empathy is necessary to love a person. I believe the person who is suffering the most in this discussion is not the victims, it is the narcissist themselves. Wikipedia mentions that NPD involves, among other symptoms, a marked sense of low self-esteem and insecurity and lists down causes some of which are severe emotional abuse in childhood and unreliable caregiving from parents. So please have some compassion in all of these. Thank you.

    Lastly i think there are some truths in what was said here. It is painful but it is said also in the bible that the truth will set us free.
    It seems this is an ongoing cycle and a very complex problem. Some solutions that seems to point in the right direction are responsible parenthood and education.

    I know i sound maybe a bit vague on some points but time seems not to allow a full bibliographical explanation,

    I am open to comments,response and criticism on thses very important topic.

    Thank you so much,

    Dr. Conrado Drueco
    Quezon City, Philippines

  28. i am very much concerned with you saying that Filipino men have NPDs. i mean, what was the basis of such? did the survey used clinical interviews or assessment in order to lead that a NPD diagnosis is appropriate? this is generalizing since the description is more related to good grooming and consumption of beauty products instead of having a clinical disorder and showing it’s devastating effects on their self and interpersonal lives.

  29. Well, a you have a point. Filipino guys these days tend to be overly loud and arrogant. In fact their womanizing and drinking habits is a good sign of their own narcissism. They want to be macho, but on the way I see it, this is stupid!

  30. Well, this is quite true observation but I hope every observation here can stand its ground because if survey is just conducted by mere interviews or answering some survey questions, that might not be good enough but it will be just too good to be true. Because there are things that may affect the result due to some factors such the locations and the group of people that are present during the survey. The truth is I am skeptical with surveys because its orientation is more on income generation or simply for profit satisfaction. I think I prefer to have the data given by or through psychological examinations. If those data are gathered and studied well by those psychologists or psycho analyst then they will have a verifiable and reliable scientific data. Now, the question is where they can find such data, I think some Catholic/Private Schools and those institutions that are conducting medical examinations for employment purposes have that needed data. I knew this, because I graduated from a university that every semester or school year psychological examinations are administered to all college students and the same time I have taken medical examinations for work abroad. I think and I believe that if those psychological exams data would be the basis of conclusion for such behavior that would be better. Because I know that there are certain psychological exams that will help and render us conclude that such population is really composed of people with narcissistic personality disorder for that time period. For that time period because our behavior and attitudes and mental status are subject to change by our experiences and surroundings. But for the author, I appreciate you for bringing out this topic because this might be partly an eye-opener for every Filipino.

  31. Yes. Another example of narcissism is uploading selcas/selfies every now and then. Unless people are celebrities, too much of their faces is not necessary in cyberspace. In one news in ABS-CBN, one health expert here said that posting too much selcas is narcissism. You know what? Too much people reacted! They claim that they want to post selcas because there is nothing wrong with loving yourself and that they are not stepping on another person’s dignity. Yes, there is nothing wrong with loving yourself, but too much love for one’s self is narcissism. Checkmate. And dare they say they’re not stepping on another person’s dignity? Yes, can be, but they are flooding another person’s newsfeed with too much spam. And people are getting annoyed because of that.

    To cure narcissism, some bored netizens should gather selcas of other people and make funny memes of it. Let’s see who will temper posting too much narcissism all over cyberspace.

    1. I don’t wanna sound stpud, but what is a selca? I’ve ehard of the word selfie. A lot people take too much selfies in the bathroom, when they’re in the gym etc. It gets annoying after a while.

    2. Haha here’s another selfie hater… I’m just wondering why are you so concerned with other people’s selfies?

  32. When I start reading your article what came to my mind immediately was some (if not most)politicians. But you mentioned that later on. So the solution for the 2016 elections would be to vote for the ugliest, most unknown contenders….

  33. actually…to be honest ….this is the typical Filipino narrow minded mentality….simple as that….raised to be ignorant….raised to copy….raised to hope….not to plan….poor Filipino…raised to praise himself for wala reason….

    1. Many people in the Philippines are conceited, not only those who think they are physically attractive but also those who think they are smarter than other people. But I think you’re wrong. There are more Filipinos who believe they are worse than they really are. That’s why a lot of people here are poor. They don’t get what they deserve. I would say our race is a bunch of ball-less people as the poor tend to think that they are lower than those educated few. They don’t fight for what rightfully belongs to them. It’s just my observation and it makes me cringe everytime “better” people belittle others. So tell me, how can you be narcissistic when you can’t even feed yourself trice a day? Moreover, the cases of suicide in this country are mostly due to financial problems rather than stupid self-esteem problems. I would say Americans are more narcissistic as they don’t have third world problems, so their problems are more of social. Filipinos are not narcissistic, but cowardly.

      1. Listen, Narcissism can affect the poor. You’re saying that it is impossible for poor people to develop narcissism. My filipina’s wife’s family is poor. But some of those women are the most narcissist people I have ever seen.

        Now, I do believe narcissism can develop within a society of people and infect people’s personality like a disease. The root cause of it is hard to identify. The UN calls the Philippines the most emotional country in the world. This is a personality trait that somehow found its way into the mainstream of the people over many generations. Once that happens it becomes difficult to break free from. These traits that develop within a society will have an affect on productivity in the end. Narcississm has become a societal trait there in the Philippines for both males and females but I believe it affects females more than the males, imo. No one takes accountability for anything even if they are at fault.

  34. DJ: I’d more-or-less agree with that assessment. The poor definitely think they are of lower status, and they go out of their way to ENSURE THAT THIS IS TRUE. I employ several “poor” people. I try to treat them as equals. I hate being called “sir”, but nobody will use my name. In my country it’s disrespectful to use ‘sir’ (the language is not English, but we have a roughly equivalent word) to refer to someone you know.

    About half of them respond to this like normal human beings. The other half respond like helpless children. I’m endlessly hearing things like “I didn’t know” when things go wrong. Well, look, it’s your JOB to know. I’ll tell you some things, but the rest is up to you. Go and find out. Read a book. Read the internet. Ask other people. Don’t just sit there waiting for someone to tell you what to do and what to think.

    I know a guy who has just been granted a piece of land under CARP. But he won’t go and collect the deeds from the bank because he has to pay for it (who knows why, but hey, this is the Philippines – rich people are always asking for handouts). He has the money, or can raise it. It isn’t a lot, even for him. But he just won’t.

    So I’d say the poor get EXACTLY what they deserve. If you don’t want to be poor, then learn how to not be poor. It’s hard work, obviously, but since when did anyone “deserve” an easy life?

  35. Well Mr Marius those kind of people esp who doesn’t want to pay to get his housing doesn’t deserve a house. He will continue to be poor and whine at the same time. They are the garbage of the country and they’ll never change. I’ve decided to leave them alone and giving them attention is a waste of time.

  36. self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.” my Filipino husband to a T. For some It’s the cuture they are raised in . For my husbands family, the oldest is put on a pedestal (cause) and the youngest treated they are the dirt on the floor (another cause for narcissism)

  37. Wow. I love this article. Iam a white women engaged to a Filipino man. We’ve been together for 3 years now and I’ve been putting up with a Lot of narrassictic behavior. Verbal abuse. Name calling sometimes even physical abuse. Alot of irrogence explosive temper and mental abuse. Iam not quite used to this sort of behavior. He was very lovely at first and the attraction was diffently their. This is my first time being with ba Filipino man. All this traits really then me off and iam ready to leave the relationship. Thanks for everyone’s comments this really helps see iam not the only one who feels this way. This article makes my day.

  38. The article may be true about the men there but in all reality, I think its the women who are the bigger narcissist out of the two. I’m a foreigner who lived 8 years in the Philippines and married a filipina. This is my second marriage. Narcissist simply put, are selfish people. They are not selfless and have no idea what it truly means to make sacrifices for others. Instead, they do what they want to do for you and label it as a sacrifice and condemn you if you don’t see it as such.

    How do you know if you’re with a narcissist? Just question their motive or reason for doing something a certain way. You could tell narcissist female something as simple as, “Why do you do it that way?” ….IMMEDIATELY they setup a moat around themselves and go up into defense mode. And I say a narcissist female because I didn’t have that experience with the males while in the Philippines. They were jovial, caring people. The females however were very competitive, backbiting, messy gossipers. IMO, the females are the problem in the Philippines. Not the male. And from what I saw the women had too much leeway and unbridled authority within the family. They blame the men for having girlfriends. Well, when a man is stuck with a narcissist contentious female he tend to do things like drink, or find a sweet woman to calm his nerves and make him feel good about himself.

    I don’t blame the men in that society. I blame the women.

  39. What I observed is that most of the time Filipino women are more narcissistic and superficial then men. Filipino women can be ridiculously narcissistic. Some are shameless enough to boast about their armpits: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jl0MvTYSKFg
    Let’s be honest, this woman is not white at all. She is light brown but from a caucasian perspective she’s brown. There’s nothing wrong about this at all but the funny thing is that in her disillusioned mind SHE IS WHITE and super proud of it. So proud of it that she decided to make videos to show her “white” armpits to people LOLLL. Filipinos who comment on her videos don’t seem to find this weird at all. They’re impressed, and some even ask her some tips. Sometimes she answers, sometimes she feels like she’s way too important or she probably too busy climbing the Everest mount. I was so fascinated by this mindset that I checked her other videos and guess what. She has a video of herself and her husband going in a Nissan dealer to buy a car. She even says they can’t afford it but sing the contract and leave with the car. How pertinent is this supposed to be? I don’t know in the Philippines but in America anyone whose not afraid of having dept can sign a contract to buy a car and paying x amount of money per month during many years. Why filming it and posting it Youtube when there’s nothing special about it? I have no damn clue. Insecurity.

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