Women, Feminism and the Pinoy Mindset

Look, I’m not claiming to be an expert when it comes to women. Heck, back when I was in college and still studying nursing, my grades sucked big time when it came to maternal and child care. Not joking there people. When instructors asked me about the “stages of labor” I would enumerate to them how you needed to put a building together and how to divide the pay between workers.

Anyway, today, let’s talk about girls. And ladies, before you react negatively, please read this article to the end. It may also have something for you to consider for the rest of your lives once you meet the “man-of-your-dreams” and raise your own family.

No, this article has little to do with gender warfare. I think that both men and women should be equals and that only with each other can we hope to truly attain greatness. Unfortunately, due to the backward ways of our country, the equality and responsibilities of every citizen is often addled by the government, media and stupidity of society. I’m not here to expound on gender roles or any such silliness, I’m here to expound things we should think about for the betterment of our country.

working_womenI have been a supporter of feminism since I was in high-school. I believed in the idea that women have the right to say what they want to say and deserve a special place in our society. Being raised mostly by my mother (my father had little to do with my life and was mostly just an unpleasant influence), I have always thought that women have as much influence on a given society as men do. However, with this country’s rampant ineptitude, is it really any surprise that women are also victims of corruption and ignorance?

The Madonna-Whore Complex

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you one of the biggest reason for the whole ruckus about the infidelity genre and why they happen. According to Sigmund Freud, the “madonna-whore complex” is the idea that women are either all good or all bad. Also called the “virgin-whore complex”, this is just one of many false dichotomies that have stuck to the minds of all Filipinos over the years. Take note girls, according to Freud (if you even believe the guy), the reason some men resort to cheating is because they see their wives as too “virtuous” to touch and have sex with.

The idea of the ideal woman in the Philippines is often embodied by Maria Clara from Noli Me Tangere. A good woman is always demure, shy, refrains from vices and never thinks about sex. Never mind that everyone probably has their own idea of an ideal woman (mine would probably be someone with long green hair and bat wings on her head, but enough of that) and that every woman has a right to make herself what she wants to be. Well, to be fair, there have been numerous other similar examples of this character archetype all over the world. Take for instance the idea of the English Rose in the West and Yamato Nadeshiko of Japan. However, both the English Rose and Yamato Nadeshiko are seen for their wisdom and not just their superficial display of their goodness. It is the intent behind their actions, I think, that make them truly great and not just because they’re quiet, nice and considered “virgins”.

What’s worse is that most Filipinos only see the superficial aspects of women and judge them accordingly. Here are some of the basic criteria with how most Pinoys measure women:

Good:

  • Shy
  • Demure
  • Does not raise her voice
  • Wears clothes that are NOT sexy or hides her curves
  • Eats slowly and graciously
  • Laughs shyly
  • Never thinks or talks about sex
  • Has no interest in sex and only does it out of obligation to her husband
  • Always clean and smells good
  • Never curses
  • Can cook
  • Can do laundry
  • Can clean the house
  • Does not drink
  • Does not smoke
  • Does not gamble
  • Does not like doing things that males enjoy

Bad:

  • Outgoing
  • Has her own way of doing things
  • Talks loudly
  • Wears revealing clothing
  • Eats like a pig
  • Laughs a lot
  • Always thinks or talks about sex
  • Is in desperate need of sex all the time
  • Grungy and smells funny
  • Swears a lot
  • Can not cook
  • Can not do laundry
  • Can not clean the house
  • Drinks
  • Smokes
  • Gambles
  • Does things that males enjoy (interest in cars, games etc.)

This false dichotomy is misleading as no one woman can possibly have everything in one list. More likely than not, they will be a mix of all of several of these traits from each list. With these kinds of absurd standards, some people even call out women who just enjoy having a good laugh, talking loudly or even  just swearing out of sheer shock. I’ve met a lot of people (men and women alike) who call women with shorts or skirts that end at the knees or women who talk about sex malandi or perverted despite the fact that shorter legwear can be practical in some cases and that it’s often better to talk about sex, its nature and its consequences rather than deal with an unwanted pregnancy.

People also tend to look down on women who do not wish to have children, as if that in itself is a sin of some kind. Our society often demands our women to be productive mothers as if their sole purpose of existence was to bear children for men.

“Women are Inferior”

This has been fading over the years and, for that much I guess we can be thankful. Nonetheless, I still think that a lot of people in the Philippines still look down on women in general. I’ve seen people snickering at female police officers and I have heard of parents laughing at their daughters when they say that they want to join the military. Then, there are still those male drivers who openly mistrust female drivers.

While I believe that women are indeed a vital part of any country, our media is certainly not helping much in improving the mindsets of people. Remember that majority of women, especially stay-at-home moms, have nothing to watch at home save for the ultra mind-numbing teleseryes that corrupt their brains and, by extension, the brains of their children. Loaded with misguided messages and fairy tale themes, many of the local shows seem to dictate that women are indeed inferior to men and that they will only ever be nothing without a man in their life.

Objectification of Women

This trend is also fading but I have sometimes seen other guys display this kind of trait. There are a lot of men who still see women as mere “objects” and not people. What’s even worse is that I have also met women who buy into this hogwash and see themselves as nothing more than assets of their husbands or boyfriends. Then, there are still many of those who think that they will never find happiness unless they find a man in their life even if said man they find might not even truly love them.

Over the years, I’ve come to think that the objectification of women persists (unlike in the West where women have more say in the family and by extension society in general) because we ourselves drill this kind of idea into our women through our media. When was the last time you saw a single middle-aged woman portrayed in a positive light in any local TV show? When was the last time you saw a childless woman by choice portrayed in a positive light in mainstream media?

Listen people, it’s the 21st Century already. We like to pride ourselves with being a modern society but it’s quite apparent that many of us still have a feudal age mindset. There are many things we need to change and I think one of the first things we need to get squared away is how we see and treat the fairer sex.

 

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38 Comments on “Women, Feminism and the Pinoy Mindset”

  1. Apparently you are still in the Middle Ages; if you refer to women as “the fairer sex.” Does this mean women are more just than men or more compassionate? This is unlikely. Fair in this context most likely means pleasing to the eye.

    Not one word in your article about the importance of having an intelligent partner. In reality, few relationships survive without humor. Humor is dependent upon irony. Irony is not possible without the intelligence to recognize the difference between the way things are and the way they should be.

    1. Just being archaic Sea Bee and I’m well aware that good humor (not the crappy comedy we have which I will write about in a future article) plays a huge part in a healthy relationship.

      Couldn’t think of a more appropriate term at the time…

  2. I think you forgot to mention at least one aspect

    Good:
    God-fearing.

    You ask Filipino guys to change their mindset about women, in a country where everybody is used to eat rice 3 times (at least) a day. That is asking the same as changing to write with one’s left hand instead of right hand.
    It wont work and it wont happen in the near future.
    I think you should have addressed this Blog to all Filipino women and tell them to stop accepting such retard, stupid, idiot behavior and finally start to behave like a real free human being.

      1. Is rice nutritious? Or is it just the cheapest food available in Phili? I simply dont like rice and certainly not 3 times per day, 7 days per week, 52 weeks a year, year in year out.

        1. I’m not forcing you to like rice; you did grow up in a Western country after all, and you have your preferences when it comes to food. But for better or worse (and who can sanely say that eating food is bad?), rice is a staple food for those who are born here as elsewhere in Asia.

          To call us idiots not due to whatever defects you perceive in our cultural heritage but because we eat rice — well, I’ll have to cry foul on that.

        2. I really dont know a country (or region) where people eat the same food 3 times a day and day in day out, week in week out, year in year out.

          I am sure people in your country dont even skip a meal now and then.

          BTW: did you know that human beings can do without food for 3 months? That is exactly the reason why sometimes a prisoner goes on hunger strike. But you will never see a prisoner go on thrirst strike because we humans can not live very long without fluids/liquids. Point being made here is: liquids/fluids are far more important than food.

        3. Damn, it’s like you’ve never heard of the concept of “staple” food. Westerners eat potatoes and bread as much as Asians eat rice too. Why not complain aboit that?

          Of all the things to criticize…I’m starting to think you’re nothing more than an ethnocentric xenophobic who keeps himself voluntarily alienated to other cultures as a show of superiority. Forget Filipinos, you have a problem with Asians as a whole.

        4. Sid,
          you know what many Dutch people had to eat during WW2’s hunger winter? Bulbs !!!

          I have nothing against Filipinos or Asians for that matter. But what I do dislike (to state it in a euphemistic way) in Filipinos is their lack to improve, to progress, to evolve.

          I may live in a “rich” country but that does not mean that my country has nothing more to improve.

          The Filipino malls are by far, so far, much bigger than the biggest dutch mall I know of.
          The size of your country and your population are much bigger than what we have.

        5. @ Robert Haighton

          You are an ignorant fool!

          Do you know what “sushi” is? It is rice and Japanese eat sushi six times a day. Do you know what “paella” is? This is a rice dish prepared for the royalty of Spain. Here in the Philippines we call paella “Arroz Valenciana”. The royals of the Saudi kingdom eat rice everyday. Did you know that 60% of the worlds population consume rice? What do you eat, potato? Do you know potato is a poor mans food? LOL !!!

        6. Of course I do know Sushi and Paella. But I will leave the rice. I eat the raw fish with all other extras.

          I hardly eat potatoes, but I do eat fries. And I dont eat fries 3 times day. I just dont like rice. Maybe you dont like to drink beer. Whats the fuzz about it?

        7. If you’re gonna play that game, I’m sure the people of “Smokey Mountain” ate, and still are, eating worse foods than bulbs the Dutch did. Look up Pagpag. Enlighten yourself.

          The crux of the problem here is you’re making something out of a non-issue. I mean, it’s one thing to point out the faults of a culture, but to put down what’s basically a lifestyle choice? Yeah, sorry that’s not going to cut it pal. You’ll have to get it in your head that this Planet isn’t called Planet Netherlands, but Planet Earth. There is more to the world than just the sensibilities and way of life of you and your people.

        8. Okay, I will make an issue out of an issue.

          Pls answer me 1 question: Why is the Philippines poor?
          Let me rephrase that question: Why is the majority of the Philippine population poor?
          And pls dont give me that bull shit of blaming the corrupt government.
          And pls dont give me that bull shit of telling me that the government should create more crappy jobs.
          And pls dont give me that bull shit of telling me that the Philippines have big, large families.

        9. “Why is the Philippines poor?”

          Because Flip-tan is chibi enough to eat rice. (O-hai-you, Hime-sama.)

          “Why is the majority of the Philippine population poor?”

          Because Pinoys eat rice, and rice makes you D-U-M-M.

          (I’ll leave it to others for even more flippant observations, for I frankly think I’m being trolled here.)

        10. He ain’t trolling. He’s genuinely baffled at everything Philippines and wonders condescendingly why it doesn’t act like good ol’ Holland.

          Anyways, this has turned into quite the spectacle and I believe further entertainment of this charade would lead to nothing so I’ll end it here.

        11. I will end it here Mr. Sid,

          I dont care at all about the Philippines because with people like you, nothing will change for the next couple of centuries.

          So probably you like your country the way it is now. Good for you. I am sure you must be a proud pinoy.

          Its lonely at the top.

        12. Robert: Why do you care about the Philippines? They really dont give damn about you as a white man anyway. They resent you just for being white. You have all the blessings underhandedly. Filipinos do deserve the blessings that are given to you. It is time for you to sop being a “nice but stupid kano”. It is time for you to stop with your useless white guilt shit. You must understand how jealousy works or you will make a fool of yourself.

        13. Filipinos do know what is wrong with their country. They are not stupid they really do know everything they need to know. They just simply refuse to change. It is their choice and you are not welcomed with your useless opinion. There is really nothing you can tell them that they already know. They also know about the rice and they know exactly what you are trying to tell them but they do not want to hear it from you. You are a white men so just shut up!

        14. Attila,
          Never do anything bec I ask you to do. That would be stupid. But pls dont forget where you live. If you think you live in the greatest country of the world then so be it.

          Every time I visited and visit your country I am always reminded of how good my country is for me. All I hope is that one day (soon) you can live in a similar way in your own country. We lived the same way in my country, as you are living today in your country. But thank god to the 1960s generation everything changed. And every new generation comes with its own changes and modifications (thank god).

          In short and observed with my own eyes, your country is living today, the same way we were 50-60-70 years ago.

          So I can blame them bec they dont want to change while knowing what and how they are themselves? Oh shit no, I cant blame them out loud bec that will lead to hiya.

        15. Attila, he’s got a problem with Pinoys eating rice. Fucking rice.

          Am I reading Orwell’s article on H. G. Wells or something? As Wells hated horses, Haighton hated rice. As a symbols of anachronism, I kind of get it (but how can food be anachronistic? the fuck?) — but as sheer physical repulsion?

          What?

        16. I’m Hungarian married to an Ilongga. I know that my wife get’s anxious and nervous if she doesn’t eat rice. It is like a drug: she has to get her fix or else. I also talked to other Ilonggas and they feel the same way. They are just addicted to it and they will be very unhappy if they don’t eat it. My wife is very aware of the benefit of brown rice and quinoa but she just can not stop eating white rice. Filipino culture as whole is additive JUST LIKE WHITE RICE. That is why they do not want to change the Philippines. They get high on their own culture even they know and understand the harsh reality. They really know what they are doing in every little detail, much more than I could ever understand it. Kanos just do not realize that Filipinos just simply DO NOT WANT TO CHANGE their country and the culture. We whites should just fuck off and leave them alone. It is their country and their culture and their choice. I stopped be a “nice but stupid kano” long time ago. I don’t care at all. I care more about naive misguided Kanos. I wish all Kanos would stop supporting helping and feeling sorry for Filipinos. They should just do what other Filipinos do: NOTHING.

        17. My pinay partner’s “drug” is oatmeal and green tea when she is in her own place in Cebu City. When being in her parent’s place, rice is served 3 times a day. And as long as we are in my place, she can eat rice as much as she wants. But she already found out that hotels abroad not always serve rice for breakfast and not for lunch. In other words, she is adjusting already. Same adjustments are made by her when being in a swimming pool and beach where it is expected she will wear at least a swim suit or a bikini (and not staying fully covered). And the list of adjustments keeps on growing while she is her. She even tells me and to my dutch friends, that Filipino culture is quite sufficating (indoctrinated and brain washed) while comparing with the dutch culture. We dont have space and time for arte facts like mano, tampo, dong, ate, kuya, utang na loob, hiya, lola, to name just a few.

        18. …Sigh. You really want to have the last say do you? When did I say I love the Philippines? I’m one of the many here who keeps getting disappointed by it and demands change. Me and a couple here (one of which is *gasp* another European) are calling you out on your biased hatred of white rice. Simple as that.

          And with that, I’m truly signing off.

  3. The FAIL-ippines exhibits amny truly fucked-up societal norms and their attitudes towards women are just one of them.Despite having aconstitution that mirrors that of the USA the country has labor laws that allow open discrimination against women and anyone over the age of 30.
    The country needs a complete make-over and the people have not got what is necessary to make that happen, so GOOD LUCK.

    IF I WERE A FILIPINO? I WOULD LEAVE AND NEVER GO BACK, at least until I had citizenship in another country.

  4. Women think differently, because their brain is on the “left side”. Men think on the “right side” of their brain. Women love their men with their hearts. Men love women, who are good looking and good in bed.

    Our country is Matriachial society. The wife has a great influence on the decision of family matters…

  5. Grimwald, Ive been disappointed in your articles after the 1st. I find this one to be unreflective. I find myself agreeing with SeaBee more when I read comments from her.

    Anyway, I wanted to say that Feminism was born in western societies because it is there were women were truly oppressed. If you lack back kn history (before the Spanish era here in the Philippines) you will see that women in Philippine socities had always been treated fairly ad equal to men. We have babaylans and women leaders in society. In fact, even during Spanish occupation we have heroines like Tandang Sora and Gabriela Silang. Also, a female president in 1986 (I dont believe in her but that’s another topic). My point is: women being inferior to men is not a social problem for the country.

    1. In a way, I agree with Ralph. That feminism was a concept born in western societies.

      However, one should not think that it no longer applies to the Filipino setting.

      There is a latent male-chauvinism especially among Filipino middle class males. Males from lower socioeconomic strata are less prone to this maybe because they need all the help they can get in getting food on the table.

      A recent survey shows that there is a tendency for Filipino boys to stop schooling probably because the family believes that boys do not have the discipline to finish school and hence eventually provide resources for the advancement of the family.

      http://pcij.org/stories/favored-as-boys-disadvantaged-as-men/

      I really don’t know what to make of it. I am sad for the boys who will be disadvantaged as men. But I can’t help but blame the macho culture that puts great emphasis is such beliefs as “lalaki naman, walang mawawala” or in the common practice at home where boys are allowed to be undisciplined when it comes to housework and other “feminine” stuff, as the culprit to this phenomenon 🙁

  6. Nowadays, man treats woman in an equal way because the latter demands it. Special treatment for women is rare to be found now in our country. For many cases, woman now become breadwinner or have greater salary compare to their man.

    1. It’s like a lion’s pride in the PH. The women do most of the hunting while the men mostly sit on their asses to be used as the other half of the baby making process. In the context of the Philippines, the women wirk while the men gamble and get drunk. There was a good article posted before about the critique of the Filipino male bu ilda. It’s very insightful.

  7. It is sad that men in the Philippines are now subjected to partiality. Their rights are violatrd by virtue of section 5i of RA 9262.

    Emotional abuse is vaguely defined and included as violence against women. A big question is unanswered and unaddressed. Do women have the monopoly of emotions? Do men experience emotional abuse in the hands of women?

    The equal protection of the law clause of the Phiippine Constitution has been violated, not to mention the Universal Declaration of Himan Rights.

    It would be best if you vigorously write or open a discussion about this biased provision of RA 9262.

    I agree that women and children should be protected but not to the extent that you include emotions ad a basis to ruin a man’s future. This provision carries a 6-year prison term. Emotional abuse ought to be repealled. Best, enact DIVORCE for married couples to civilly move on without derailing their careers.

    Section 5i of RA 9262 must be repealled. Women should stand alongside to fight this injustice. Women have fathers, brothers, nephews too. If you care for them, this law has got to go.

  8. I think there will be no winning side with gender arguments, what i do is distance myself from chauvinistic and welcome the respectful ones, and live independently…. as long as i don’t offend or hurt someone intentionally, i think i’m alright.

  9. I would like to share a story, i meant no malice or offensive intent, i have a boyfriend and practicing pre-marital sex, one time i’m really in the mood and i started thrusting back, then he stop and said to me in a mocking way, ‘why are you responding back’ which is a moodkill and i just let him finish off. I mean, i don’t have the right to enjoy sex? Back then i was young i let it go because i thought it was normal to be left hanging and not reaching ‘it’ . So because of that i started to say ‘no’ because i felt like being used, and then he hurled me insults and body shaming words which makes my hackles rise so i totally ignored him from then on. I was annoyed by the mindset that when a girl says yes ones, it is considered applicable all the time? I wonder where the brain of men went that they couldn’t understand a two letter word. Or when they blame women for their actions like the “pangmamanyak”, hello, you have the brain to filter what is right or wrong, why blame other people in the first place. But just a disclaimer, if you are not like this man, then you have nothing to be angry about. He still contacts me from time to time but i make it clear to him that i want to be friends now, but there will be the time that he will text how he miss doing what he does to me, not even considering the clear words from me that i only want to be friends only. It is a tiring dealing with chauvinistic men. Just because a women have sex with you doesn’t mean you own them or you could do anything you want with them. Just saying.

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